Your opinions on Cyber Relationships?

[didyoumissme]

What if your cyber friend is miles & miles away and you just can't meet in person yet but you talk to he/she many times on the phone? You would definitly know by talking on the phone that he/she is that true person & still could consider them to be your friend,right?

[al7]

Al - It's easy. I've had several blind dates with men - we arranged it over the internet, not the phone. There were a few e-mails back and forth of "small talk":

 

"How was your weekend?" "Fun! I went to Chicago to visit some friends!" .... "I went to a really great movie this weekend." "I just got a new puppy this weekend." "How old is your puppy? What kind is he?"

 

And after a few e-mails like that, the guy would say, "Would you like to meet over coffee or drinks sometime this week? There's a great new place downtown I wanted to check out, or we can go somewhere else if you'd like."

 

Then, I'd write back, "sure - we can go check out that new place. How about friday at 8 PM?" Then he'd write - "Great! See you there!"

 

No phone needed.

 

Annie, thanks a lot! It is really nice to hear I can get aorund the first phone talk!

I noticed though some girl are extremely cautious...they might be unwilling to meet if they dont have guy's number for security reasons.

What's funny is the older a girl the more concern about security she has.

 

How can I assure her that it is ok to go out with me and not talk on the phone? Maybe give her my phone number just in case?

[RayKay]

Al - It's easy. I've had several blind dates with men - we arranged it over the internet, not the phone. There were a few e-mails back and forth of "small talk":

 

"How was your weekend?" "Fun! I went to Chicago to visit some friends!" .... "I went to a really great movie this weekend." "I just got a new puppy this weekend." "How old is your puppy? What kind is he?"

 

And after a few e-mails like that, the guy would say, "Would you like to meet over coffee or drinks sometime this week? There's a great new place downtown I wanted to check out, or we can go somewhere else if you'd like."

 

Then, I'd write back, "sure - we can go check out that new place. How about friday at 8 PM?" Then he'd write - "Great! See you there!"

 

No phone needed.

 

Annie, thanks a lot! It is really nice to hear I can get aorund the first phone talk!

I noticed though some girl are extremely cautious...they might be unwilling to meet if they dont have guy's number for security reasons.

What's funny is the older a girl the more concern about security she has.

 

How can I assure her that it is ok to go out with me and not talk on the phone? Maybe give her my phone number just in case?

 

al7 - glad you figured out the quotes!

 

My live in boyfriend and I met via the net, and he asked me out on our first date without ever talking in person. First time we ever talked was about three hours before the date just to finalize time and place for about 3 minutes or so.

 

We chatted online for about a week, then he just asked me on a Tuesday morning what my plans were for weekend, I told him, and then he asked me out for Saturday. I accepted, and it's all history from there!

 

You can still exchange #'s in case one of you is running late, and to confirm day of date a few hours before (a nice thing to do anyway...just call to say you are confirming, but need to run, and are looking forward to it).

[Mun]

This reminded me of something.

 

A friend of mine met this guy she had been chatting with for a couple of weeks. When he showed up he looked nothing like he had described himself--he had no picture. He was shorter and thinner then he had said. He also insisted she show him her feet. ( She later found out he had a foot fetish)and he kept trying to kiss her. He creeped her out.

 

I hope your meeting goes better than that. Just be careful either way.

[al7]

This reminded me of something.

 

A friend of mine met this guy she had been chatting with for a couple of weeks. When he showed up he looked nothing like he had described himself--he had no picture. He was shorter and thinner then he had said. He also insisted she show him her feet. ( She later found out he had a foot fetish)and he kept trying to kiss her. He creeped her out.

 

I hope your meeting goes better than that. Just be careful either way.

 

Oh sure pictures are involved from my side for sure.

My concern is... her concern of security. She may just flake out going on a date with a guy she didnt sapek on the phone.

What can I do to allevitae her "fears"?

First I can think of - just to send her my number "just in case".

Second, to meet in a very public place.. like a mall that obviously has some coffee shops.

Third.. hmm tell her where I work and give her my number at work.

Not sure what is teh best. Anythign else?

[al7]

Annie, thanks a lot! It is really nice to hear I can get aorund the first phone talk!

I noticed though some girl are extremely cautious...they might be unwilling to meet if they dont have guy's number for security reasons.

What's funny is the older a girl the more concern about security she has.

 

How can I assure her that it is ok to go out with me and not talk on the phone? Maybe give her my phone number just in case?

 

al7 - glad you figured out the quotes!

 

My live in boyfriend and I met via the net, and he asked me out on our first date without ever talking in person. First time we ever talked was about three hours before the date just to finalize time and place for about 3 minutes or so.

 

We chatted online for about a week, then he just asked me on a Tuesday morning what my plans were for weekend, I told him, and then he asked me out for Saturday. I accepted, and it's all history from there!

 

You can still exchange #'s in case one of you is running late, and to confirm day of date a few hours before (a nice thing to do anyway...just call to say you are confirming, but need to run, and are looking forward to it).

 

RayKay,

You didnt fear a guy from internet was a freak\jerk\stalker?

if even a bit yes, what can I do to eliminate that kinda fears in her?

Provode some of my info would help ,what do you think?

 

I would rather go on 10 first dates than talk once on the phone...this is the reason why.

[annie24]

I can't speak for RayKay, but I feel the first few e-mails before the date reassured me that they were normal men. And like you said, we would meet at Starbuck's, or another crowded place during the daytime.

 

You shouldn't tell them where you work! What if she's a stalker!?!? You can say something general like, "I work for a bank downtown." I tell them that I am a grad student, but I don't tell them which department until I get to know them. Don't ever give out your home or work number. Always give a cell number. If you don't have one, get one!

 

What eliminates the fear from me is the "small talk" in the first few e-mails - does everything they say make sense? One guy contacted me saying that he was 26 years old and a doctor. Unless he's was a boy-genius, that can't be right. Even after they finish med school, they still have to do their residency for a few years.

 

I NEVER correspond with a man who has not provided a photo. For so many reasons. Women tend not to post their photo due to safety reasons. I think men that don't post their photo are either married, have a girlfriend, or are ugly or weird.

[annie24]

Instead of focusing so hard on winning over other people, look at things more like this: "I'm a good guy. I'm educated, intelligent, kind. I would make an excellent boyfriend. Any woman would be lucky to have me as her husband! I have a lot to offer."

[Iceman26]

Coincidentally, I met my girlfriend here and things are working out great even though she doesnt live in the same state that I do. We spend one long weekend a month together, her coming out here one month and me going to visit her the next month, etc, and I am planning on moving to where she is to be with her next year and marry her soon after I move out there.

 

Its working out great (even though I wish I could be there with her) because we have constant communication and have laid the groundwork for our future together.

[al7]

Interesting.. it is always interesting to hear diiferent opinions.

Look, "I am a doctor" might mean he is going to be a doctor soon, right?

He exaggerate a bit? I can say "I am an engineer" though I am current not exactly engineer I do research. Of course of money point of view it makes sense; the guy is just bragging about what he doesnt have...hmm.

 

I believe there is no girls-stalkers I dont like microwaves or cell phone also.. but seem will be forced to get one anyway.

Could you elaborate a bit on safety reasons?

I dont want to talk on the phone, want a date with her and willing to make up for the phone call with some other info. What can I do?

[al7]

Instead of focusing so hard on winning over other people, look at things more like this: "I'm a good guy. I'm educated, intelligent, kind. I would make an excellent boyfriend. Any woman would be lucky to have me as her husband! I have a lot to offer."

 

It is good if I can repeat it each second. I agree! But I cant.

I slip into "Oh... she wamt some adveturouys dude... not a husband she want to have fun... do I have fun? where is it? oh I have to buy some.."...

I overthink. And that is the problme of many academically smart guys.

But I dont think I should stop overthingk by alcohol or anythign like that.

Just keep saying your mantra? I need to reinforced it!

[RayKay]

al7 - annie24 answered quite well what I would have responded,

 

I got a general good feel from the emails and the online chats we had.

 

I had seen many pictures of him, enough so I knew it was really him! I saw pictures of him doing things he enjoyed, with friends, on his own.

 

It actually turned out we knew some people in common so that made me feel a bit more secure (though I did not "check up on him" by talking to them) but it was not entirely necessary for that to happen! I knew we had similar interests as well and he had been at some of the racing events I had been at.

 

He took time to listen to me and ask about my interests, and follow up - so I knew he was not just a "jerk". He remembered what we had talked about for example and what I was interested in and would ask about things I had told him so I knew that. So I did feel special and not purely a "numbers game" if that makes sense.

 

I guess I got a good idea of his character from the several emails and online chats we had had to know that was his character, and not a "show" to put on. I knew some "basics" of his history and his life to get a good fee.

 

And of course, we met at a public place with tons of people around, I had my cell with me, and all those kinds of precautions. But I needn't of worried, we clicked right away and had a fantastic night, and ever since I couldn't be more thankful that I did accept his request for a date!

[al7]

Coincidentally, I met my girlfriend here and things are working out great even though she doesnt live in the same state that I do. We spend one long weekend a month together, her coming out here one month and me going to visit her the next month, etc, and I am planning on moving to where she is to be with her next year and marry her soon after I move out there.

 

Its working out great (even though I wish I could be there with her) because we have constant communication and have laid the groundwork for our future together.

 

I had some out of my state "connections": we loved to talk to each other and communication was great!

But I didnt puch it even to the phone level - you are a very bold guy to pursue sombody out of you state.

[Iceman26]

Out of curiosity, how does that make me bold?

[annie24]

He he ... thanks RayKay.

 

What do you mean Al, you don't believe in female stalkers?!?! Didn't you ever watch "Fatal Attraction" ?

[RayKay]

 

It is good if I can repeat it each second. I agree! But I cant.

I slip into "Oh... she wamt some adveturouys dude... not a husband she want to have fun... do I have fun? where is it? oh I have to buy some.."...

I overthink. And that is the problme of many academically smart guys.

But I dont think I should stop overthingk by alcohol or anythign like that.

Just keep saying your mantra? I need to reinforced it!

 

My partner is an overthinker/analyzer, and I know where he comes from as I used to be a rather anxious person as well. It is hard to break out of that self doubt.

 

Basically, with maturity and experiences comes that self awareness where you stop worrying so much about what "they want" or trying to be that "knight in shining armour". You don't, and should not, change who you are as your core self. In other words don't give up your values, your interests, to mold to what someone else wants. You realize that you should choose a partner that fits you, that does not need rescuing, or does not want to change you, and you don't need to change for....I know, it all sounds like romantic gibberish, but it is so hard to qualify in hard terms!

[al7]

Out of curiosity, how does that make me bold?

 

You have enough confidence, enough flexibility in you and yoru job to make long distance relatioinship work! this is extremely bold of you.

But thats just my opinion.

[al7]

He he ... thanks RayKay.

 

What do you mean Al, you don't believe in female stalkers?!?! Didn't you ever watch "Fatal Attraction" ?

 

Hmm I didnt, maybe thats why ididnt believe

Seriously no one would stalk me, why would she? Besides I have never heard of real female stalkers. It is for movies only

[Iceman26]

Thanks man.

 

I dont think it has anything to do with my self confidence, I think it is more like I found everything I ever wanted in her. She is the greatest person in the world to me. If she lived in another country it wouldn't deter me, because she is absolutely perfect for me. I think if that one special person comes along you would want to be flexible for them, without question.

 

I had to walk through 13 years of dating hell before she came along, but I would walk through it again to be with her.

[annie24]

Wow Iceman! I am so happy for you. It just goes to show, love finds you when you are not expecting it.

[Iceman26]

Thank you Annie. You are absolutely right, I wasnt looking for it at all and it just happened.

[Mun]

I had to walk through 13 years of dating hell before she came along, but I would walk through it again to be with her.

 

Awe that is so nice. Congrats Iceman. True... you never know where or when you will meet that special someone.

[marijo2480]

 

I think it is more like I found everything I ever wanted in her. She is the greatest person in the world to me. If she lived in another country it wouldn't deter me, because she is absolutely perfect for me. I think if that one special person comes along you would want to be flexible for them, without question.

 

I had to walk through 13 years of dating hell before she came along, but I would walk through it again to be with her.

 

Awwww, you are so sweet honey! Thank you! I too have found everything I ever wanted with you as well. Love you and can't wait to see you again!!

 

 

The advice that I would give others is to not get into a long distance relationship if you know you wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally, mentally and financially! You're also lucky if you find that deep connection with that special someone like Iceman and I both have. I realize that it's rare, but it can happen! I never believed it until I met him. It's hard but when you set/outline an ultimate goal to be with each other every day, it makes it all the worth while.

 

[SheWolf]

Well, I met my Husband off the internet and we've been married for several months, but we've known each other for over two years. It's been wonderful, but people should be careful about meeting people over the internet.

[beanpaper]

I met my husband on an internet forum and we lived thousands of miles away from each other. We talked on the phone, then met. I think you can get an excellent sense of who a person is on the internet. Especially in the context we met - through forums. Before we even talked to each other I had an ecrush on him because I'd read his responses to many different issues. I knew lots about him before we met.. and although the pictures didn't give me a full sense of who he was in person, I would've recognized him anywhere.

 

It's a bit harder than a regular long distance relationship because there's a much larger degree of uncertainty. It worked for us, but I think we got really, really lucky.