It's not you, it's me. 2.5 year relationship.

[skmackay]

My girlfriend and i have been in a very strong relationship for 2 and a half years. During that time i have been through a lot with her. When we first started the relationship her mum and dad had just split up and i was there for her then, not long after this her dad began seeing another woman and i was there for her then as well. Her Great Grandmother then passed away but she dealt quite well with that, but again i was always there for her. We then went travelling Australia together for 3 months where she suffered from severe home sickness but i was there for her all the time and she got through it. Not long after we got back home a man in her life (a sort of grandfather figure) drank himself to death. She has taken this extremely badly and this was when things started going down hill. Basically, she has told me that she doesnt know what she wants anymore. We are currently on a break (still 100% together, no seeing other people) and this is so that she can as she put it "miss me again". She repeatedly tells me that it is nothing that i have done, she is just confused and doesnt know what she wants. I completely understand that and i am so crazy in love with her il do anything to fix her mind frame and have her back fully. Im not dealing with it well as it is not easy going from talking to somebody you love for near 3 years straight every single day, to then having no contact whatsoever. I am moving away in a week (about 4 hours away from her) which will be a good distraction for me (joining the police) and what i am wanting to do is give her a hand written letter just before i go so that i can try and remind her how she used to feel with me, and how im always going to be there for her and will do anything to make her happy and see her smile. Im looking for some advice on what to put in the letter and how to write it. Im not the best with words.

[Neleh333]

Hi, I totaly feel for you right now, because we all know those famous words it's not you its me crap, the truth of the matter is it usually is you, she is trying to spare your feelings by saying this, she probably does have a lot of feelings for you, and maybe she is just confused with everything that has gone on because when we go through trauma it can take its toll on our emotions where we feel we don't have much room for others feelings, so she may not want a break from you but just to escape everything even feelings, my advice would be to give her the space she needs call it healing time, and if you really want to write the letter just basically explain to her that you respect her wishes to give her space and to just reassure her that you will be there for her whatever she decides.

This can be a very delicate situation, so tread carefully , push too hard and it could be all over,. She will respect you for giving her the space. And who knows she may come to realized what she really wants, I know you may feel like your dangling, but if you love her and want her back you just have to give her time, I'm talking couple of months or so any longer and I think you will already know your answer. Good luck I hope everything turns out good for you.

[appies]

I disagree, I can think of many times where 'its not you its me' is true. Often with break ups its a reflection of internal unhappiness, and isn't a reflection of the partner. That being said, they may have some work to do on their own before they can be happy in the relationship.

 

I feel for you OP. I wouldn't hold your breath on her.

[ThatwasThen]

I'd not send a letter either. She knows how you feel about her and yet she still wants a break. Give her what she wants and see if she misses you enough to want you to stop this no contact that she has initiated. If she doesn't end the break while you do your police training then I'd end it myself. As painful as that would be, you do yourself no favors by letting her keep you in this limbo she has you in while she figures herself out.

 

I agree it IS her and not you.

Frankly, she sounds depressed and just wants to wallow.