Ex may be moving cities

[AmelieM]

I'm guessing I already know the replies I will get - "this is good for you", "you won't ever have to see him", "you can finally close the door on all hope". But still I am struggling with the news.

 

Heard through the grapevine at work that my ex may be taking a very lucrative job in a different city (unfortunately this is not an information pipeline I can cut off). The kind of job that could net him in the millions.

 

I'm 4 months out of the breakup, and processing things the best I can. Friends, family, hobbies, casual dating, all the usual stuff. Recognize the problems that we had in our relationship, but still struggling to rid myself of the emotional attachments. It's just my personality, I don't let go of things easily.

 

So this news has really knocked me down. It's not just that it screams finality. It's that he seems to be doing so well in life, picking himself up and pursuing this incredible opportunity, while I feel like this pathetic loser left in the dust. Feels like I'm stagnating while he's on this amazing upward trajectory. I've even been pursuing new career opportunities myself, but nothing has panned out. Tried to make some other positive changes as well which ended up falling through. I'm starting to feel so defeated and hopeless, like I'll never get out of this rut.

 

I know they say that when you're going through he((, keep going. But I just feel that my tank is on empty.

[Clinton]

Healings a marathon not a sprint. And it's not a competition with the ex to see who moves on first.

 

We all go at our own pace. And honestly, no one can tell from the outside how someone is doing. Not that it should matter but he may well be unhappy. You just never know.

[AmelieM]

Thanks, Clinton. You're right - a job doesn't necessarily equate to happiness. Neither does moving. It's just hard since I've been trying to get myself "unstuck" with minimal success (not just relationship-wise, feels like life has been an uphill battle in general).

 

Trying to tell myself "this has nothing to do with me". His life in the future no longer intersects with mine, so his successes and failures should not impact me.

[DoF]

Is it his job or the money?

 

Seems to me like you are jealous, and one can say you probably should be.

 

Regardless, you need to be patient and give it time. Whatever your source is for this info, you need to tell them to not talk to you about this person (nicely).

 

Meanwhile, best things you can do during healing time is a) physical activity and b) practice mind deviation.

 

Go out for walks/hikes and play lots of sports. Exercise and get in shape (if you are not). Get the blood flow going. This does wonders for your mental and emotional strength, state of mind and overall happiness levels.

 

When the thoughts of him come up, divert them and think about other things you enjoy (something peaceful).....watch a movie.....listen to music or do what you love. Practice practice practice and in time when those thoughts come up, they will go away as fast as they come.

 

Again, It's going to take time, discipline and work on your part.

 

Good luck

[AmelieM]

I don't think it's either of those things in singularity; it's more that I used to celebrate his successes *with* him because I saw them as a part of our shared future. And now they are only a part of *his* future, not mine. So maybe jealousy in a way - but feels like mostly hurt. It's not that I'm wishing him failure; I just wish I were still sharing in those successes with him.

 

As far as the info source - it wasn't even anyone who told me directly. I just heard coworkers gossiping over the wall from me - they didn't even know we dated and I don't care to inform them at this point.

 

Yes, patience and staying active seem to be the keys. The patience I've very much been struggling with. Staying active I've been okay. Just going to take a LOT of effort to keep going. As a natural introvert it's tough for me to keep pushing myself to be active when all I want to do is withdraw.

 

Similarly with the mind deviation - I just can't think of much I am enjoying in the present, as pathetic as that sounds. So I don't even know what to divert my mind to. Not much brings me joy right now.

[AmelieM]

Weak-willed person that I am I contacted him. After being strong and not doing so all these months. Didn't mention the gossip I'd overheard, I just mentioned an inside joke related to something that happened recently. Yes, I deserve to be scolded, because I KNOW that was not productive. Guess I wanted to see what he'd say.

 

He said he was happy to hear from me, and that a lot is changing in his life, and it's all good stuff, and he will update me on it when things get settled.

 

I don't know why I did that. Hurts me that I'm no longer close enough for him to trust me to hear about his new job until it's all finalized. Hurts me that his life seems so great without me in it.

 

Yet it's my fault for bringing this on myself. Like I enjoy subjecting myself to emotional pain.

 

I feel very foolish and very weak for allowing myself to go there.

[Davidator]

Hi... our story is so similar that I thought I may give you my insight.

 

Only, that I am your ex. (well, not the real one, unless your name starts with C)

 

My ex broke up with me. For the second and final time. I was devastated.

 

Almost at the same time I got a huge job opportunity with a huge salary and in a nicer city...

 

I am very sad that she broke my heard again, but to be honest, at least I have something to look up to the future. I was abandoned, and now I will rebuild my life. I feel that my only "revenge" will be to suceed at what I will be doing.

 

I also think that money/job doesnt bring happines, but neither does so a bad relationship or one in which your partner chooses to dump you in your bad moments.

 

I'm glad I leave. I'm glad she stays. I'm hurt, I still love her, but she's broken me and I have nothing left here.

 

I'd tell you more, but this is more or less it. Feel free to PM me.