Why is she talking to me?

[sonicfan287]

I realize I'm very much overreacting (or reacting at all) in this situation, but I thought it couldn't hurt to throw this question out to the many fine people on ENA and get a myriad of "second opinions". Long story, my ex and I had a very ugly breakup, very ugly few breakups actually... I was on here mourning almost every day in the summer of 2012 and then finally I blew up at her over some phone calls and text messages over some things I left at her house when she was being very immature and evasive about getting back to me. I was in the wrong on some things and she was in the wrong on some other things. Through the past few years, I've gotten past her, although we'd keep in touch on rare occasions (usually just to say 'happy birthday' and a couple other times). However, this past Christmas I wished her a good holiday and she did too, but then she said her new boyfriend didn't want us talking (even though we barely did). Instead of saying anything or even getting mad, I let it go and figured that was my sign (if ever there was one) that there truly was no reason to talk to her. I don't know why I even let her 'float around' as much as I did.

 

Anyway, since our breakup, I will say she's been consistent with one thing -- she has NEVER initiated a conversation with me. She broke up with me via phone in March 2012 and other than the conversations I've started, we haven't talked at all. I haven't even seen her face besides one run-in a couple months post BU. So, imagine my surprise when she facebook messaged me yesterday. That wasn't even the confusing part, and her message was pretty innocuous. But she started it with:

 

"Hey, haven't heard from you in a while, how's it going?"

 

She hasn't heard from me in a while because I figured that's how she wanted it...

 

I talked to a few friends of mine about this and they all give me the same answer (or close to it) which is to be "careful". I understand what they're saying but this is just bizarre... why say anything to someone you haven't talked to in 8 months and then preface it with "I haven't heard from you in a while" as if we had some kind of understanding that we'd say hello every once in a while.

 

Many people say I should've ignored it, but of course I couldn't do that (that would've been smart) so I responded with a similar response to what I wrote here, telling her she hasn't heard from me because I didn't think she wanted to. Then I asked how she was. Of course she glazed over that part of my comment and went on to tell me she's "okay" and for the most part, we've had a pretty neutral conversation over the past few days.

 

I don't know what to make of this and my mind has occasionally wandered to this question. One of my friends wanted to know if she was still with the other guy. For my own benefit I haven't checked it out, nor do I plan to ask. I'm to a point where if she wants to bring something up, it's on her but I'm assuming they're still together and that's none of my business anyway.

 

I guess I'll just throw it out there then, why do you think she contacted me? Am I overthinking this?

[mhowe]

Boredom. Rough patch with new guy. Nothing of any consequence.

[melancholy123]

My first thought was she isn't with the other guy anymore so she was fishing to see if you were still out there and available. Seriously, if you dont want to hear from her, delete her from your phone, all social media etc. Change your phone # too.

[sonicfan287]

My first thought was she isn't with the other guy anymore so she was fishing to see if you were still out there and available. Seriously, if you dont want to hear from her, delete her from your phone, all social media etc. Change your phone # too.

 

My phone number actually is different from when we were dating but that just happened by coincidence. I should've pulled the trigger a long time ago on blocking her via social media but I could never muster the heart to do it. It's not that I never want to hear from her again, this is just confusing. I figured I wouldn't need to make a choice on this because the choice was made for me when she ignored me back in the day. I'll consider doing that if things get ugly but so far, so good

[sonicfan287]

Boredom. Rough patch with new guy. Nothing of any consequence.

 

This was more or less the theory I was inclined to go with from the start. I don't like to read too much into things but then my friends started getting me thinking she may have other motives and at this point, the only thing I know about her is that I don't know anything about her

[sky09]

Breadcrumbs, baby! Now you know how they taste. Like nothing. Fogget about 'er.

[sonicfan287]

That's pretty much what this was, in retrospect and these weren't even breadcrumbs, more like tiny morsels, if that. She even admitted to me that she pretty much has no friends (her words, not mine) and she was just looking for someone to talk to. I'm not going to say I've got it "all under control" in the friends department but I mean, geez, she really changed her outlook on life in a negative way since I've known her. Not just because of that but in general, talking to her has made her look really bitter about some things, not pertaining to me, but just in general. It's a shame too...

 

This has been a sort of rough week overall but hopefully next week will be better

[mikesmith1]

I am in the same boat only I am the one tiring to be friendly and being ignored so from my perspective it could be as simple as she regrets how it ended still cares about you as a person and just wants to be friends.Don't be too quick to judge say Hi she what her intent is or politely say I do not want to talk to you anymore.Don't ignore her cause it sucks when your really just tiring to be friends and someone does that to you..my 2cents being on the other side

[sonicfan287]

Thank you Mike and while I didn't feel a sense of remorse from anything she said (even a simple 'sorry' or something to that effect would've been nice), she certainly wasn't mean and even remembered some of our old jokes together and used them in a friendly way. There was always a part of me that regretted how bitter we were to each other after the breakup because it severed any possibility of us being friends in the future. I don't think we're friends per se but it's nice to be able to carry on a civil conversation with her and have the history to know what to talk about and what to avoid in terms of topics

[Dottieflanogon]

I assume that it varies from person to person why an ex would contact you for some time . Some might contact you out of guilt and concern over your emotional well-being. Others might do it in a sincere attempt to develop a platonic friendship. They also might do it for the ego boost they receive if you reply to their "crumbs".

[sonicfan287]

Agreed. I suppose that with this (like with many other things) I overthought this. To me, the only reason it stood out was because it was her only contact with me post-breakup that was 100% initiated by her. Additionally, I wasn't sure of what to make of it since she started it with "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while" as if we were even remotely friends these days. So anyway, I realize I'm overthinking things but that did surprise me initially. Now that I look back on it, and see how meaningless our conversation has been since then (this was about a week ago now), I guess I'm back where I started, which is nowhere great