I think my boyfriend wants to leave because of my depression? Please help

[EmilyOC]

Hi there.

 

Im hoping you can help me. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. Our relationship has been great and I believed he was the one for me. Recently in April of this year my life took a turn. I pretty much went through a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was given medication by the doctor. My boyfriend recently moved to another city in September last, so we have been long distance since then. We decided to not contact each other for 6 weeks in April as my own issues were affecting our relationship. However I was unable to stick to this due to being so low. We broke our agreement and I went to stay with him. During this time he discovered I self harm. I have only self harmed max 4 times throughout him knowing me, but he never knew so he got a shock. I returned home after my visit and we kept in contact. I saw him a month late and he expressed his doubts as he had not expected me to be so unwell and felt he could not help me.I should also mention here that he has had a tough life, his parents divorcing when he was young, his father had mental health issues and passed away when he was 17. I feel on some level he does not want to deal with any more heartbreak. I told him I was doing well, it was June by this point and my life has been on the up. We decided we could make it work and he invited me to stay with him for 2 days. We had a wonderful 2 days together. He made all these plans and asked me to go on holiday with him in august. He initiated all these plans. He told me he loved me many times. I left and went back home, on my journery home he sent me a really sweet message and said talk soon. So, the problem is this.. I was home about a week and had been messaging him back and forth. it was his final week in College so he was busy. I felt he was acting distant and maybe he wanted to take things slower. I said we should just talk because I could tell he was acting distant so we arranged to meet. Then I panicked at the thought he had changed his mind and wanted to break up. I decided I couldn't meet him as I was still fragile and needed time as I was doing so well now and was just back on my feet. He said he would give me time but we needed to talk. Then I told him I would talk to him in a few months as I needed to regain my confidence alone. He saw it but hasn't replied. I told him he didnt need to. I know he will be faithful during this break, there is no worry about that. We are still in a relationship on facebook and I consider him my boyfriend still. I told him he is the love of my life and he knows I want to be with him. Am I doing the right thing by taking a break? I want to take this break so he can see I can live without him, I felt I was smothering him with my problems? Why did he suddenly act distant and want to talk? I would appreciate your help.

Thank you so much

[crowleysgirl]

I think he suddenly acted distant and wanted to talk because he wants to break up with you. Honestly, refusing to talk to him for a few months when you knew what he wanted to talk about was kind of inconsiderate I feel. You can't really expect him to just be put on hold for months. And you're the one who suggested a break anyway. This seems pretty over to me. I'm sorry it didn't seem like he was able or willing to help you with issues, but I can also understand him not want to go through that kind of hurt again.

[Hollyj]

I think you need to focus on yourself and personal problems. Are you feeling better with your meds? If not, you may want to try some new medication. What does your therapist suggest?

 

You can't have a healthy relationship until you deal with your issues. This takes time, and your mental health is the most important thing.

[j.man]

I think you need to focus on yourself and personal problems. Are you feeling better with your meds? If not, you may want to try some new medication. What does your therapist suggest?

 

You can't have a healthy relationship until you deal with your issues. This takes time, and your mental health is the most important thing.

-- To that effect, are you actually seeing a therapist or are you simply on meds?

 

Between self-harm, neediness (the reason I'm assuming you're trying to prove to him you can live without him), and distance, it's an awful lot to take on. You've actually got the right idea with taking time to yourself, but that's not something you can expect him to put his life on hold for. He and you both know you need to focus solely on yourself to get to a point where you can engage in a healthy relationship.

 

As another poster said, you know very well what the conversation was going to be and decided to twist it into your own terms. The relationship is over. Focus on your therapy and there's no telling what the future may hold whether with him or someone else.

[Heather Dawn]

You can't tell someone that you don't want to speak to them for a few months and then expect them to be OK with that and hang around - not to mention to consider the two of you to still be in a relationship.