what is wrong with me

[scorpion91]

I am unsure what is wrong but the following explains what I have dealt with most of my life:

 

For most of my life time I've dealt with:

Anxiety(that builds up then levels off, back and forth at times)/palpitations

Depression(I'll explain more on that)

Mood swings

Love/hate feelings on friends/acquaintanceships

Tiny feelings of abanonments may bother(eg. If I don't here from John Smith since May 1 or so, I might assume that he's forgetten about me or so).

Social anxiety/hesistation feeling that I dealt with a majority of my life, just recently I sort of fixed to a degree(I would feel hestitant to talk to new people, I was unsure which people to talk to, or which people I would want to befriend).

 

Socio-environment-psychological

: I've been at or near poverty for most of my life

: I am a Hispanic, and I've been in places where I did belong as a minority and places where I did not.

: I've come from a near or dysfunctional family from of my life.

: I've somewhat or nearly dealt with bullying. That was somewhat some isolated parts of my life.

: I sort of dealt with some isolated incidents of racism to some degree

: I have a father with PTSD; parents arguements at times, always some issue dealing with money bs.

: I am not close with my relatives at all.

: I lacked true social skills/experiences for the first 18-19 years of my life. I did talk to people in school, but I never really hanged out with people outside school. I do not know what was the cause of this issue, I do not know if it was my parents doing or not, but I always just felt some "bubble" feeling of just being at my house.

: Despite considering my family life as "Dysfunctional" when I was going away for college, I had felt hesistant to leave to my dorm. Isn't that ironic.

: And whenever I'm fed out with my parents arguing the summertime, I always say "I want to go back to school." So it's an ironic paradox.

: I have had friends at specific times of my college years, some bs would happen and I would part way in some way shape or form. That didn't happen 100% of the time let me add. I do talk to some people I knew in college, but I don't consider all of those guys as "best friends"

somewhat felt like I regressed as a 18-19 year old the past year, because I've befriended and hanged out with 18-19 years old at my on campus appartment complex. Why did I befriend them? Because I didn't felt in with the grad school social scene, and I sort of saw these guys as a safety valve so I didn't have a depressive episode or something. And I felt to some degree, that I was redoing my freshman year of college all over again.

Any hint of anyone better than me(socially/financially/sexually/academically/etc) I would feel somewhat jealous or inferior at times, and I somewhat still do.

: I do know guys and women around my age but they are in some "sober fellowship" and these people act a little too immature for their own ages, and at times I feel somewhat estranged from then, even though I did not do anything to burn bridges from them. I do talk to them, when I hang out with them but I do not consider them "friends" more like "Sober acquaintances"

 

I'm unsure if I'm bi polar or have some personality issues or what. I do take 5htp to balance my moods out each day, but I do not want a Psych Doc to dope me up on 3 different meds or anything. Maybe I should see a counselor at my college.

[Willywagtail]

I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with you that other young people haven't felt at your age. Hey, there are adults who still feel those things!

 

In fact, you're a normal person trying to make sense of the world, given your upbringing and the disadvantage you feel you've suffered. It's too easy to stick a label on yourself, when what you're experiencing is learning about yourself, about people and about life. Nothing you've described would indicate, to me, that you need meds.

 

What is important though is that you feel distressed by the things that are wrong with you and that they affect your day-to-day functioning.

 

It would be useful for you to speak with the counselor at your college - don't be so hard on yourself. None of us are perfect and we are all flawed as human beings. It can take a lifetime to understand this!