Sad Situation

[Michael777]

I had been with my ex-boyfriend for three years until May this year.

Not only did we live together but we worked together and had so many interests in common such as being volunteers on a heritage steam railway and being in two Masonic Lodges together.

We seldom argued and told each other every day how much we loved each other.

Then on 2nd May he told me he had "messed up" and "done something" the night before with another guy and ended the relationship and moved in with that person.

At the same time he resigned from work.

He now has no job, no money, is living in a small flat with three other people, has given up all his hobbies and interests.

People who see him say he is totally changed (for the worse).

He new guy is unemployed and lazy plays video games all day long and they constantly argue.

They have broken up three times already since May.

I just don't understand what is going on

[Capricorn3]

He made his bed, now let him lie in it as there is not much you can do about it. People do strange things which are hard to understand, but in the end, it's on them. Move on, you can do a lot better.

[Michael777]

Thanks Capricorn

That's exactly what my work colleagues have said.

[ParisPaulette]

He is hooked on the drama with the new guy and is obsessed. It's about the same as if he'd suddenly taken up drugs or alcohol. Sadly all you can do is let him go. Go NC and remove yourself from the drama since he likely cheated on you then moved out in a pretty cold fashion. Not cool.

 

After that you need to let him go. He will sooner or later figure it out, but as with all addictions he has to be the one to choose to walk away. And yes, I know how much that hurts. I'm sorry.

[crowleysgirl]

Doesn't really matter, he made his choices. And if he would choose those things, then you know he had some deeper issues you didn't realize that would have come out sooner or later, so just be glad you aren't stuck with them!

[Michael777]

Yes I know I am better off without him.

Another thing I didn't mention is the new partner and his sister are drug addicts and they have got my ex hooked on that.

He had £4,000 when he left but it's all gone now.

One other issue is that I really love his Mum she is a second Mum to me - she feels she has lost him too and she and I are staying together to support each other.

[TMifune]

I think sometimes when someone does something really hurtful to someone that they care about they can sort of find themselves in a shame spiral.

 

From the outside it almost looks like he's self-punishing out of guilt or shame.

[Michael777]

Two more aspects to mention - first the new guy is not at all physically attractive quite the opposite so that is not the attraction.

And secondly he has been repeat calling my mobile with silent calls - on Monday night 16 times from 5.46 til 11.46PM when I switched the phone off to get some sleep.

 

When he has spoken to me or sent a text it is to have a go at me such as saying I was the worst thing in his life ever or the new guy is 1000 times better and he is so happy now with him.

 

My reply to him is that you are not the real Aaron (that's his name) so I don't want to talk to you.

 

He uses the need to arrange to collect his things from mine (which he never does) to keep getting in touch with me.