bnic Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 So, I'm 10 years older than a guy I'm seeing. He says, "why do we need to label this?" But we have been up and down for two years now. He is now in a sales job which requires a lot of hours on his end so I rarely see him. I had an alcohol-enduced breakdown two months ago and after that he was texting and calling all the time, coming to see me.. Etc. Now that the dust is settled and work hours are longer, he never initiates contact, I see him once every week or two, and I'm honestly feeling lonely. I have been sober since my incident so I sometimes think that I'm hyper sensitive because I'm forced to deal with stuff rather than push it under the rug but still. I want to tell him that my feelings are hurt and tell him what I need from the relationship but I know that work is his first priority these days. I also don't want to add stress.. It seems that every time we talk, I have a gift of pissing him off. I am not sure what to do or how to take his actions. Part of me says, "whatever, I'm going to do me and I'll see you when I see you." Neither of us are dating other people... He asked me after my breakdown to send him a Snapchat and nice message every morning... But now I don't want to because I never get a response or anything.... Grr... Am I just being a girl?? Thoughts?? I'm bad at boys, so very bad.. Link to comment
Clinton Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 From my perspective it doesn't seem like a great relationship. And age gap relationships are always tricky. Best thing to do is sit down and talk to him face to face. Tell him your concerns and what you'd like to see change. And if you don't get the answers you want, be prepared to move on. He's not the only fish the sea. Link to comment
faraday Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I think every person, at some point or another, will stay in a relationship long past its expiration date. I've done it. And am I ever glad (as painful as it was at the time) that I got out (I stayed about 2 years past its expiration date) when I did...because it allowed me to meet the man I'm currently with....where I don't question his feelings for me (because he shows me how he feels by how he treats me). Don't you think you should be with someone that shows you he cares for you? That calls you consistently, that spends increasing amounts of time with you as the relationship progresses, that cherishes you and respects you... You've given this guy two years....this is what he can offer you. Is it enough? Will you be happy in another year if nothing changes? Will you be happy in 10? If someone isn't able or doesn't want to give you what you need from a relationship..,it's time to wish them well and walk away (and don't look back- you know what he has to offer you- and it's not enough). Good luck. Link to comment
El0t Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Your issue lies in your lack of ability to communicate effectively with your partner. It seems that you spend a lot of time worrying over the "right/wrong" thing to say and how it will impact your relationship. If you are with someone compatible, with whom you share mutual respect and trust there is no "wrong" thing to say if you phrase it correctly. You shouldn't have to feel like you're "hiding" from your partner. If you go down that road, it will persist throughout the entirety of the relationship. My advice, move on from this relationship. He doesn't seem to have the same level of effort/ interest that you do. Start fresh with someone new and be yourself from the first day you meet them. If things don't work out, it's not your or his fault; you're just not compatible. Once you find someone you can be yourself around without reservations, you'll be able to communicate more freely with them and have a much healthier relationship. Hope this helps and best of luck! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 He's not interested: not contacting you, easily annoyed, and the biggest, won't label after two years. I bet he's not so annoyed when you are providing sex. This is a no where relationship, and sounds more a FWB. I think you need to address why this situation has been OK for you. Don't you think you deserve more for yourself? Link to comment
victoriadand Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Bric, I am currently dating someone who is 14 years younger than me; I know how difficult it can be just based on that alone....then add your typical issues and it makes for one neurotic thinker. My advice to you is look at this thing from a standpoint of reason. If he isn't initiating contact, responding to your texts, and biggest red flag of all, getting pissed at you easily for talking about stuf Link to comment
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