Healing tips?

[sailsup555]

Im just looking for some inspirational stories about moving on (not getting back together stories though) I am 28 and trying very hard to move past my last relationship. I keep getting the urge to text him but have started calling my mom when i want to.

 

We officially broke up a year ago but have stayed in conact and seen eachother a couple of times. I kept thinking that it meant we'd get back together but his behavior towards me has just drastically changed since we were together and i dont know why i even put up with it. I would very much like to make him jealous and want me back but be able to say no (im not there yet though) but i also doubt he would even care if i were to get married tomorrow. Ive never been through such a bad breakup. It really blind sided me it happened after just one fight. He made me leave his parents house i was supposed to be staying at (on valentines day) drive home in a blizzard then wouldnt see me for a month which during this time he ignored me lied to me and had many pictures of him out at bars with girls posted. Then about a year later he apologizes for treating me wrong we make plans to meet up and talk about what happened and what went wrong and he starts it all over, ignoring me, blowing me off, lying, cancelling plans. He has said he doesnt love me doesnt want to marry me ever, and cant take my highs and lows (i honestly never had highs and lows before all of this) however he'll still text me saying i should sleep over and he wants a me and him night and likes being with me and wants to move closer to me. Im trying desperately to hate him but i end up thinking to myself what am i doing that he thinks i deserve all of this. The whole thing has just made me so sad and i realize now that the only way i can get better is to cut him out.

 

So does anyone have any nice stories or quotes whether it by about karma, having good come out of a breakup, realizing you are way better off, red flags to watch out for in the future etc...funny stories work too i just want to jumpstart my healing and need to stop dwelling on that what ifs and beating myself up.

[Antago]

Don't sleep with someone til you're married—that is the easiest way to protect your heart. Don't marry someone until you knoooow they love and you trust them—that is a must. Don't believe someone loves you until they proooove it. This guy has an ugly spirit, regardless of how handsome his body (which is mortal) is, and regardless of his brain. Breaking up with you after one fight and doing what he did is utterly foul, and while he thinks he may be young and having fun, it is neither funny nor beautiful—and it's ugly as ****. I assume you, like most victims of our society, slept with him and got your hormones entangles and he used you. There is nothing to make jealous here; emotional trolls almost always stay stuck looking for superficial fulfillment, and neither you nor anyone else will eeeeever be able to satisfy the passionless.

[kbbcoop77]

It's been a year and his intentions are crystal clear. You need to go total no contact and block him on everything and heal. Staying in contact with him has cost you a year of healing.

[AutumnBorn]

Sailor, I had the same objective as you: Make my ex want me back so I could reject him. I developed a plan of revenge - become the woman of his dreams. Once I made that decision, I put my plan into action. It went something like this:

 

1. Create space so he wouldn't/couldn't see me. One can't go from before to wow if the other party sees you very often. Instead of finding excuses to see him, I found reasons to avoid him;

2. Exercised every day and got in the best shape of my life;

3. Got a hair cut;

4. Experimented with makeup to find a new look that played up my best assets;

5. Because I got in such good shape, I needed new clothes and developed my personal style - casual classic (fully accessorized, of course);

6. Got a breast reduction (extreme, but needed - I was a European size 34G!)

 

This took a few months.

 

In that time, we spoke only when he called me. If our daughter was with me, I let it go to voicemail. If he left a message, I might or might not call him back, depending on the message.

 

I also started taking cello lesson, volunteering in my community, and taking a few road trips. This automatically made me more interesting.

 

And the result? It worked like a charm. I went to pick up our daughter from my ex's place one day and he literally gasped when he saw me. And he came sniffing around again and has been circling ever since. I, however, regained confidence and met someone truly special and we adore each other. I moved on. Rejecting my ex was no longer a goal; it was part of the natural course of my personal growth. My life was better without him than it had ever been with him.

 

My ex? He gets it. I'm in love with someone else. But he has told me he thinks about me all the time, fantasizes about me. It's creepy.

 

I say go for it. But you may be surprised at the result of your efforts.

[Antago]

I think "revenge" is often one of the greatest catalysts to personal growth, but I would definitely say your ex is creepy; he wanted nothing to do with you until you saw you had a whole new burst of superficial excitement for him to play with—and that is downright despicable. Real love wants a person for who they are, and not for temporal use of their accomplishments.

[AutumnBorn]

True words, Antago.