Frustrated over a "good" break-up

[Dogstar01]

I was seeing a girl from October 2013 - January 2015. Things were a bit bumpy in the last third of our relationship - I used to get frustrated with her that she didn't prioritise "us", was rigid, a workaholic, etc, and she thought I didn't make her feel valid, used to vent on her because I was bored and had no hobbies, took her for granted and was negative. If we were both talking in person I'm sure we'd both make decent arguments.

 

Anyway, I came back from holidays in January after not really having seen her (Christmas break + before that she went travelling with her sister) and was irritable with her. After two days she suggested that perhaps we should not be together and I agreed. Obviously regretted it and a day later went o her house with flowers and promises to change. It was an up hill battle but she almost agreed - she just needed some time to process. The next few days she was sending emails, messages, on how we could improve until she went silent and then sent an email telling me that we shouldn't be together. Having gone through a horrendous break-up before I decided to respect this, accept it, go no contact for a bit until I got myself sorted and that was that.

 

Fast forward two months and I send her a message for (Chinese) New Years (she is, I'm not) to re-connect. We have a chat via text which was friendly though she does tell me how great her life is going and how she wants to return my stuff to me. Two weeks later another message thanking me for a charity gift I sent (an exchange to buy something that she left at mine but where I wrote a nice message) and she was short (but polite) and asked how she should send my things. Third message a week or so later where we had some good banter. After that I think "this is going well" so sent a link to a news article (it's what we used to do) via WhatsApp after a few days to see if I could get a conversation going in a sustainable way. But then nothing from her until a full day later in which she replied "Indeed".

 

Basically I'd like to be friends with her as I always expected we would be if we broke up. But she has never contacted me and seems uninterested. She seemed surprised when I agreed with her back in January and seems to keep wanting to send my things back (though I've never received a package). She also keeps reminding me how at peace she is now. I'm doing fine but have my sad days and am surprised that she got over me so quickly. It's always a kick in the teeth when you read messages from a month before telling you how much someone is in love with you to a month after not being in each others lives.

 

Thoughts as to what she may be thinking? Any different perspectives? I really tried with this relationship to be a good man but it didn't work out. So lame.

[mhowe]

She is moving on and you can expect less and less contact. Because when she does contact you or respond...you seem to think the door is opening. And it isn't.

 

Most people do not remain friends with an ex.