shy, cute girl doesn't get dates...why?

[ninjagirl]

Hi there-

 

I get enough compliments from random people on the streets and friends to know that I'm attractive...my friends think I'm a "catch" because I'm kind, creative, talented...yet no guy in my life has ever asked for my number. (I'm 31 and just got out of an 8 year relationship, so I have to admit I was out of the dating scene for a large chunk of my 20s).

 

I dress cute, wear make-up (not a lot), try to look approachable, but am not one of those loud, giggly women at bars. In fact, I guess I'm more on the shy side--an introverted artist (but I do like to have fun). What am I doing wrong?

 

Since the break-up (three months ago), I've been keeping busy, doing my own thing, hanging out with friends. And yet...I have friends--often tall and blonde--that meet people all of the time. Am I trying too hard? Do I just not have the "look"? (I'm part Asian, part white). Should I forget about trying to find someone and just concentrate on my own life...?

 

What makes guys want to approach women? Should I approach them? How?

 

Thanks!

[Caldus]

What makes a guy approach a woman. Hmm, that's a toughie for me.

 

I usually end up trying to meet women who are by themselves somewhere. I don't like trying to meet a group of women. Tons of guys frequent the bars and clubs but I don't tend to go to those very often (I can't even go to a bar yet of course). I'm sure that if people are complimenting you on your looks then it's not a looks issue. It's puzzling to me that not many guys are approaching a girl like you. I love the shy girls more. They are easier to talk to and I feel like I can actually be myself around them rather than unintentionally putting up a front. They are sincere and genuine which is a rarity these days. So that is puzzling me as well even though I'm a guy. Sorry I couldn't help much but I just had to point out that I'm definitely the type of guy who would love to meet a shy girl like you. So there are guys out there who love to meet a girl like you. Maybe they are intimidated by you for some reason? Just another thought.

 

Should you approach them? It never hurts to try. You could always strike up a conversation with some random guy and see how it goes. How to approach them? I would not know. I guess the best way is to not think about it too much and just do it.

[confuzedboy89]

i agree with caldus. Everything sounds good, just take your time and eventually you'll find someone. You usally find them when your not expecting it. good luck

[Ecko809]

(I'm part Asian, part white)

 

Can I take you out?!

[drahcir]

"Hi there-

I get enough compliments from random people on the streets and friends to know that I'm attractive"

---people who compliment you on the street (people who you don't know who compliment you) are probably perverted. Stay away from them.

 

"..my friends think I'm a "catch" because I'm kind, creative, talented"

---- Your friends may know you are kind, creative, and talented, but guys who are not your friends don't know that. Try befriending more guys. Take the initiative to be thier friend by asking how they are and gettting to know them personally. Then they will see your true side.

 

 

."..yet no guy in my life has ever asked for my number."

---no girl has ever asked me for my number

 

(I'm 31 and just got out of an 8 year relationship, so I have to admit I was out of the dating scene for a large chunk of my 20s).

----hmmmmmm

 

 

I dress cute, wear make-up (not a lot), try to look approachable

---looking approachable is a good start. NOw start approaching guys

 

 

," but am not one of those loud, giggly women at bars."

----thats actually good you are not like that.

 

In fact, I guess I'm more on the shy side--an introverted artist

---you just have to practice going up to guys and talking to them and getting to know them more

 

 

 

(but I do like to have fun).

--so does everyone

 

What am I doing wrong? .

----nothing. Just start approaching guys and you will have success. Not the first time, or the time after that, but if you keep trying success will come to you

 

Since the break-up (three months ago), I've been keeping busy, doing my own thing, hanging out with friends. And yet...I have friends--often tall and blonde--that meet people all of the time.

---i like shorter girls. MOst guys do. Height really doesn't matter

 

Am I trying too hard?

--focus more on approaching guys if they don't approach you

 

Do I just not have the "look"?

---i am sure you are beautiful to someone

 

(I'm part Asian, part white).

---that doesn't matter.

 

Should I forget about trying to find someone and just concentrate on my own life...?

---no....unless you want to lonely for the rest of your life, you should go out and get some guys!!!!!!

 

What makes guys want to approach women?

1. Smiling

2. Asking the guy how he is

3. Asking him about his interests, what is important to him

4. Being creative and romantic

5. Making eye contact....paying COMPLETE attention to him and no one else

6. Hugging him?

 

 

 

Should I approach them? How?

[Celadon]

Ninjagirl, you're getting some good advice here. I'd say one thing that helps is not thinking in terms of being "worth" the attention. Meeting guys is not about having certain specs (tall, blonde, bubbly, flirty) so much as being open and positive and human. Let your lighthearted side come through -- but not forced -- and you'll attract the right kind of guy for you.

[MetalJoe]

(I'm part Asian, part white)

 

Can I take you out?!

 

 

 

I was going to ask the same thing!

[LifePak]

Give them the power to ask you. What you're seeing here is only half the equation. I'm not sure why, but it's usually the most beautiful girls who are the ones that knows how to give man power. Female often only see looks and personality as the only factors why guys would approach, but that's a misperspection.

 

Your whole goal is to give them a good reason to have a conversation with you while letting the guy know that him approaching you would not lead to a rejection.

 

I've found girls to be slightly more confidence compared to guys because when they see a guy, they'll often go up to them to grab the attention of the guy however it needs to be done. But guys are the ones who avoids getting into situations because they were never taught what they should do & are afraid of rejection. In fact, many guys couldn't see what the girl is trying to accomplish.

 

 

I don't know exactly how to explain it. I'll just give you a good example.

I was a new student in one class and the teacher asked me to introduce who i am to the classmate, where i came from etc etc... While i was introducing myself, on the corner of my eyes were a radiant girl who is very excited just to see me here. That's all it took. I asked her out two days later.

 

Just keep in mind that even when you do try, there are always guys who are not as composed due to their background and guys who already have someone in their mind. Just don't take it personally if they don't respond.

[nexus532]

Because most men are shy and don't have a high self esteem.

[ShySoul]

Just be yourself and don't worry about attracting guys. Focus on your own life and do things you enjoy. Talk to people and have fun. The most attractive thing a girl can do is to be themselves and not try to do attract attention. The more you try, the less real it is and the less attractive you seem. Smile, have fun, and be yourself.

[al7]

I get enough compliments from random people on the streets and friends to know that I'm attractive...my friends think I'm a "catch" because I'm kind, creative, talented...yet no guy in my life has ever asked for my number. (I'm 31 and just got out of an 8 year relationship, so I have to admit I was out of the dating scene for a large chunk of my 20s).

 

Am I trying too hard?

Do I just not have the "look"? (I'm part Asian, part white).

 

Should I forget about trying to find someone and just concentrate on my own life...?

 

What makes guys want to approach women? Should I approach them? How?

 

It is not clear if you have good looks, I hope you do.

Are you trying to do what exactly? Do you do anything at all? You just didnt say anything about your activity regarding meeting men..

 

So without any information my guess is 1) you just dont go out often enough 2) you may not smile to guys, or smile just too little

 

What makes guys want to approach women?

Definitely smiles and looks. Look a guy (a bit), smile at him (a lot). If you notice a particularly good guy, look at him, smile then turn away.

After some time repeat...

If the situatition permits, walk up and ask for help. Literally "Ex..me.. Could ya just ....somthing somehting" Tell the directions, find a store whatever.

I am sure if you appli these simple thing soon will tired of guys asking for your number.

[Mintyfresh]

yeah seriously id die to go out with a shy, introvertive, half-asian, artist

 

Doesn't really get much better than that.

 

I'm rather confident you'll meet somebody. It just takes time sometimes.

 

By all means approach men you find attractive, don't always leave the hard part up to us lol. How to approach them? Walk over and ask them something casual around the surroundings... i've never heard somebody go "oh my god whats wrong with you for asking me such a normal question !" You'll be happy you did.

 

And for the record i don't think i know a single guy who wouldn't love to be dating a half asian / half white woman.

[jurupa]

ninjagirl - Its seems that you don't put your self out there for guys to ask you out. The best places to goto to are usually places of interest to you and to other people. An example would be an art museum or visting the library. If you never take time to put your self out there no guy will ask you out. Even taking a walk to a park or around the block will let guys ask you out.