Relationship Conflict - Respect Issue

[Thunderbolt851]

Hey everyone,

 

First and foremost, thank you for giving the time to read this and helping me understand what is going on.

I am the type of person that tells my partner everything. I feel like I want to respect my partner so I tell what goes on during my day. For example, what activities I do through the day, if I hang out with someone, or if someone comes and visits me, etc. I thought that, that respect went for the same thing as my partner.

 

However, during dinner, my partner's sister blurted out that some guy came over their house and she questioned why he was there. My partner admitted at the table that it was a friend from the gym. If it wasn't for his sister blurting it out during dinner, I believe my partner would have never told me about having this guy over. I don't know why I felt butthurt after hearing this. Maybe it is because I honestly tell my partner everything and because he clearly does not follow the same suit, it made me feel disrespected. I'm not asking for my partner to tell me these things for permission, no, I am never like that; however I would like to know what goes on in his life.

 

Should I stop telling my partner everything that goes on in my life?

 

Right now when I talk to him I don't go into full detail like I did before, and now he is noticing it. He's beginning to ask more questions and want to know more information about my day when he himself does not even do it.

 

 

I have so much other stuff to deal with, we've been together for 2 years and like this really is a bump in the road.

 

But am I wrong in thinking this way? Let me know your opinions.

Thank you gals and guys.

[mhowe]

Your expectation is unrealistic and frankly is based in insecurity. Why would you care if your bf invited some guy from the gym over? I think it would be healthy and more interesting to keep your daily log of activities to yourself and share only the highlights reel.

[abitbroken]

Ok --- for the sake of clarity - you are two guys, right? And a guy came to the house?

 

It is either:

 

1) Your boyfriend is hiding something (But really in front of his sister?_).

2) Your boyfriend didn't mention it because it wasn't a big deal - a guy he sees at the gym came by to drop off something he had left there. I have had someone bring my wallet to me, or my bag, etc. And instead of slamming the door, he chatted for a few minutes. I have had people that were acquaintances see my very distinct car and see me at the door of my place and knock to say hi, etc.

3) The sister likes to create drama.

 

My bf and I don't have secrets, but there are things we don't even mention to eachother - I have no clue what convos he has with his coworkers. I know he went to the store, or I did, but we don't give anyone the blow by blow of what we saw, who we ran into, etc.

 

Why not instead of - your word - being "butthurt" - why not just say "oh, I haven't met so and so... is he someone worth us hanging out with?" Or "oh, your sister acted like she couldn't wait to tell me about so and so. She sounded kind of silly........have I met so and so?" And actually talk to eachother. By not talking to someone as punishment to them, it makes things worse. Its totally uncool

[Lady Amalthea]

Not because you feel the need to spill every detail about your day to your boyfriend every day means he has to as well, and I don't think it is being disrespectful or inattentive. Why are you considering something so small "a bump in the road"? Some people do not feel the need to talk about every detail in their days, sounds like the visit wasn't even a big deal.

[notalady]

I don't consider sharing every detail of your day as a sign of respect and the lack of such sharing to be a lack of respect. In fact I think sharing too much makes things boring pretty quickly. He's asking about your day shows that he's interested in your life, why don't you ask him about his day if you are interested? I don't know why you'd be offended that he's not an automatic sharer like you.