I'm So Jealous

[xignmono]

hey

 

basically im so jealous and basically being stupid over nothing.

 

before me and my girlfriend went out she had sex with this guy, it was her fast time, and basically he used her for sex, he didnt use protection and he hasnt seen her since (this is six month) he knew she liked him and thought itd be easy sex.

 

anyway my gf still talks to him on the phone, and i get so jealous and paranoid shes gonna meet him and theyll have sex again.

 

i told her my weorries and she cried and said she feels so dirty about it and its the biggest regret of her life, she also write me an eight page letter saying how much she loves me and saying how she regrets it too much, shes also told me she never wants to meet him again, as he has mentioned meeting up again.

 

what gets me is that she still talks to him on the phone, i mean its only every so often and not regually, butshe recently changed her number and she gave him the number. she said she wants to stay in contact cos it would be unfair on him to just disappear also shes scared he may tell her family or start harassing her.

 

anyways i keep on getting images of my girl with this guy in my mind and its driving me crazy, when im with her i know she loves me but when were apart i get so paranoid, and i hate it, why cantt i trust her!

 

also wht makes me worried is when she had sex with this guy she was in a 'so called relationship' she knew this guy online and they decided to get together but he never met her this went on for four months, so its nothing like our relationship but im scarred she'll cheat on me if temptastion comes her way.

 

has anyone got any advice? should i be worried?

 

Thanks

 

Adam

[sasha12]

jealousy will make you crazy. you need to forget these guys that are in her past. so what if she's talking to him. unless you have proof that it's something different don't fret it.

[Ceema-k]

I can't say your jealousy in not entirely unjustified. If your gf hasn't given it up to you yet, then you should be even more suspicious.

 

I think an honest chat with her would be on order right now. hope it works out, man.

[mt_joy]

If she really didn't want any contact with this guy, she'd stop talking to him on the phone. I'd wonder if she was still hoping he would change and come sweep her off her feet. Why would it be unfair to him for her to stop being his friend? What about being fair to you? Let her know how you feel. What if you were to chat on the phone with one of your exes? If this is love, then she should put you first.

[Azure13]

It does seem a little shady that she keeps talking to him, especially if she thinks he might tell her family that they had sex or start harassing her. I don't really get that part.. or why she thinks he'd do that. If they are keeping in touch because they are friends then I don't know why she'd think a friend would do that.. and if he'd really do something like harass her then I don't think she would want to keep in touch with him. It doesn't make sense to me, I know that I wouldn't keep talking to someone out of blackmail or anything.. I'm kindof confused by that. Like I said that makes her seem a little shady especially since shes cheated in a past relationship.

 

To me if somebody cheats in a relationship it says more about what kind of person that *they* are rather than the quality of their relationship. I would never cheat on a boyfriend, if I was unhappy with him I'd break up with him, but not *cheat*. Something doesn't add up to me. Trust me I was in a relationship with somebody for over three years and the whole time I was suspicious of him but it wasn't til I was POSITIVE he wasn't loyal with me that I could trust myself, and what I was thinking all along for over three years. In the meantime he just made me feel like I was some kind of paranoid control freak! Don't let somebody mess with your head so much that you can't see the truth. This girl seems shady to me. I say talk to her about it but proceed with caution, she doesn't seem loyal to me. I would have said its in the past and what she did with this guy doesn't matter now, except for the fact that she still keeps talking to him without giving you a real reason why and the fact that shes cheated on a boyfriend in the past.. with this same guy.

[xignmono]

well this is my worry what if she is waiting for him! shes told me she isnt but she wouldnt say yes...

 

the thing what worries me is she has very low self esteem (i.e. when were out she checks my phone to see who i been texting) and she sees her self as ugly, my worry is if he tried it on with her shell be so flattered she will do it.. i am worried, but im finding it hard to understant.

 

i dont like tsling about it with her cos she gets upset, were going out on sat so i may some something, whats the best way of saying it without it sounding like im accussing her?

[cooldude1234]

Wow, thats pretty rough.

 

I wouldn't be worried about her cheating, though. Try to not look down on her for it, everybody makes mistakes. She apparently really resents the decision. It sounds like she's being blackmailed in a way to stay in contact with him. I wouldn't really worry about her cheating on you, it sounds like she really loves you. Just keep the lines of communication open between you two and you should be okay in that area.

[PrincessLinzay]

I also think that in part at least, your jealousy is justified. I guess I can't really understand why, if he hurt her so bad, she would want to continue speaking to him? Especially considering that it bothers you. She should be a little bit more respectful of your feelings.

 

In any case, it is definitely something which should be addressed.

[Azure13]

I just wanted to add that sometimes when people are paranoid their SO is cheating on them without giving them any reason to think it.. it is because they themselves are unfaithful. Just food for thought.. don't be afraid to talk to her about it, she should be able to talk to you about it in a loving relationship. Don't worry if it makes her upset, you need to talk about it for yourself, and you're a member of this relationship too, not just her. If you talk to her about it, don't accuse her of anything off the bat when you talk, just go with the flow and talk to her about it in a non offensive kind of way.. tell her you need to understand where she is coming from.