Feeling lost, anxious and depressed. Need some kind words.

[whitwhit]

So in the past month, I've been going through some stuff that is making it really hard to try to be happy. I find myself sort of stuck in my apartment crying for reasons I know I can fix, but I just don't have the motivation or the right answers to do so. I think this qualifies as real depression, and I feel so helpless.

 

Things that are bothering me:

 

-Being in my mid-late 20's and not being totally passionate about my career but being unsure as to what I do want to do. I think about it a lot, but it all seems so stressful.

 

-My work environment has been very stressful lately. I gave my notice a couple weeks ago, and now people are treating me differently. Its very hard to focus and do my job because I feel like my co-workers/supervisors think "Oh she's leaving, she doesn't care anymore. We need to watch her carefully to make sure she doesn't slack off or not try." Which isn't fair and leads me to feel very anxious and paranoid about my performance. I dread going into work, because I know I'm going to have to really keep my anger/indignant thoughts in check, and watch my emotions carefully. Its getting way too easy to set things off. I have 19 days left at the office. The end of my time there can't come soon enough.

 

-I dated this person for 5 months, who broke up with me a few weeks ago. I was more invested in it emotionally. While I do not want to get back together him, because I don't think we are a good match (much better as friends). The loss of that presence of a partner has been part of the force that's been crippling me. I am trying to learn how to be okay by myself again, but it's really tough not to let the loneliness get the best of me. I'm tired of having boyfriends, who ask for my affections, then decide not to put in the work and the compromises to make the relationship work in the long run. I feel like I'm ready to put in that work, and it's so frustrating/up-and-down to date again. I don't want another relationship that lasts between 5 months to 2 years... I want someone who is serious and ready for real commitment.

 

-I am moving to a new city soon, and that comes with it own emotions. I want to leave because I'll be getting a better job. But I dread leaving my friends at the same time. It's just another instance of me starting over, and I needed to do it, but its taxing.

 

-I used to go to these free martial arts lessons (in something called Kravmaga), but the person who was doing them has gone back to his home country. I have looked into paying for a comparable class, like kickboxing or something similar- but I really can't afford it. As a consequence, I am not getting the exercise I was used to before. I have tried practicing on my own, running, and things like that- but its just not the same. I don't like exercising, but I did like sparring and learning to defend myself. Cardio is just so boring, I researched ways to spice it up, but no matter what- working out just plain SUCKS. I don't like the sports that are available around me, either. Every week, I try to find a new physical activity, but its not working out. When I am in my new city and have a higher salary, I'll be able to afford a proper gym, and classes I like but until then I'm out of luck.

 

So that's the gist of my funk right now:

 

I am lonely romantically, I hate my current job, I lost my passion for physical activity, and I have mixed feelings about moving (but I don't want to stay).

 

I know I haven't really asked a question but I could use some words of encouragement right now... something to help me feel not so lost.

[musicman777]

Well I am 25 (male) and I've been through all the ups and downs in life you are talking about! Martial arts (yes I am a black belt), women/dating, job changes, been through it all!

 

It sounds like you've gone through a lot of psychological torment recently including a break up, which is never a good thing even if it wasn't the right person it still sucks breaking up. But above all, I think you need to keep your head up! You should be optimistic about the future. You are still young and in good health. You are getting a new job and moving to a new city you said you will be making more money, you should be excited about all of that!

 

New places, new scenery, new food, new people. You have a whole life ahead of you. Everyone goes through a rut sometimes (men and women) where we feel depressed about life, whether it be romance, jobs, exercise, or other things. Here is my advice. Maybe focus on improving one of those things at a time, I would personally start with the physical exercise, because being healthy physically can help improve your attitude and other aspects of your life. After you move/get your new job, maybe you should look for something fun fitness-wise to join. Don't join a boring gym. Maybe look for another martial arts school, even if it's a different style. Try doing something like yoga, zumba, or something similar. Do an exercise that is fun and not the typical gym where you get bored running on a treadmill for an hour. Find something fun to do. Even if you don't like it, move on to the next thing and keep trying new things till you find a physical activity you like. If there is nothing nearby, try workout tapes! I've done many of the fitness programs, P90X, Insanity, Hip Hop Abs, try an "at home" program, they are great.

 

After that, everything else should come through. You said you are getting a new job, see how it turns out. If you are not happy with it, maybe get a new career. Don't think about it negatively/drastically, either. A lot of people change their minds about work/college. The bottom line is you are still young and you can change that. There are plenty of careers/training fields out there. If you've already done college then that is a plus to getting into other job fields, even if your description don't match usually people like that you atl east went to college.

 

Lastly the romance, well we are all stuck there sometimes! Don't try to force it. Just try to improve your social life and make new friends. Romance will come in time. You don't "need" someone to be happy. Try to find things to make yourself better. I know a lot of people say that but it's true. Good luck.