Will she call back after NC?

[Avro1986]

Hi everyone,

 

I was with my girlfriend for 3 months. We were very happy together at first (talking about family, marriage), but we had a few fights because we both have strong characters. However, we only fought over the phone, never face-to-face. Long story short: my girlfriend broke up with me in mid-january because she felt that I had acted "childishly". I had been under a lot of stress because I was asked to leave my PhD program just before the holidays, I was alone, and had to work. The holidays are always s*it for me. Hence, I was very sensitive to conflict (now things).

 

Anyways, during the break up session, I tried to explain to my ex that although I assumed my share of responsibilities (a fight takes 2), I was under a lot stress, and I was taking measures to address it (e.g. meeting with the dean, graduate board,...); I was extremely stressed because I couldn't everything was closed during the holidays. It's like getting a pink slip before Christmas. My ex said it was no excuse, and that "I wasn't the only person on Earth who had been asked to leave their PhD studies" I was shocked by her answer. I gave up and told wished her success and a happy life.

 

We walked outside and waited for the lights to change. At that point, I told her: "this is it!" She froze and told me that she still wanted me in her life. I said no because I couldn't stand by while she dated/had sex with other guys. She cried about being cheated on (she had been in the past). I fell for it and told her that I love her and wantedto start anew. She drove me home, and I promised that I would make efforts to improve (which I did). Here is the thing: she led me on for 6 weeks by texting me with "dear xox" but we didn't see each other because her mom was sick and she had conflict at home." I didn't insist. I even sent her flowers on Valentine's Day. Eventually, she texted me that she "needed time for herself to figure things out." At that point, I realized that she had met someone else and was keeping me on the burner just in case. I told her waited for 6 weeks, and I can't wait any longer. Have a nice life". That was 1 week ago. She didn't answer back. I told her that because I promised that I wouldn't date other people as long as we were together. Now, I can.

 

My question is: do you think that she will eventually contact me if I go to NC?

[kbbcoop77]

No it's completely over. It was only a couple months let this one go no sense getting so worked up over her.

[pippy longstocking]

yes I do think she will ..........when her latest one goes wrong !

 

don't be anyones back up guy ,you are worth more .

 

hope you have sorted out the phd issue ..try and concentrate on you and your studies darling.

[Tanzi]

No-one can possibly know what your ex's actions are going to be. From what you have said, however, it seems unlikely ... or at least for the reasons you would want it to be. It sounds as though she is truly done with the relationship.

 

I have to ask ... why, when you know you can't be friends with her and you know she has been stringing you along for her own benefit, would you want her to contact you?

[Sarah691607309662]

She seems to be doing lots of projections calling you childish. She even did not think to support you through your stress with PhD program. She was annoyed you had this issue because it was eating away attention from her. Here, you almost dumped her (and I wish you did!), but she, being narcissistic, childish drama queen, she switched on a pity party so she could hoover you back under her spell. She succeeded. But those types do it only because they like to dump you on their own terms. She hoovered you back so she could discard of you later. Which she did.

 

Consider it to be a lesson. Do not fall for this type again. As soon as your partner gets annoyed with your life - it is time to go. Especially if it shows so soon in r/s. By the way 3 months are very short period and if you already discussed marriage and kids - typical for narcissists.

 

Also, she could discard of you precisely because you had issues with PhD program. Narcissists do not tolerate people who have issues because then they can not control these people, while they are solving their issues.

 

In other words - good riddance!

 

Will she contact you? Most likely YES. She will do it with the only one purpose - to lay on charm and then discard of you again. Be very resilient and do not let her back into your life.

[Avro1986]

Hi Sarah69 Thank you for your input. Now that I had time to think about it, I agree with you 100%. I learned a valuable lesson: let actions speak rather than words. She was very narcissistic. As an example: I was having diner at her parents house on Christmas. Around 8pm, she drove me home and went partying with her friends. Her parents were very upset with her and she called me that night saying that it had been the "darkest night of her life." Another example was when during a New Year's party: I didn't feel well around 2:30am and asked if I could leave. She got mad and told me: "if you want to go, go! The damage has already been done!" !? Whenever we have a disagreement, she used to say things like: "I can't believe that you just did that to me!" or "the fact that you don't understand what you just did is beyond me! This is a clear lack of..." Hence, being a nice person, I tried to listen and apologize. Now, I realize, that although I have my share of responsibilities, she is f*cked in the head.

 

She told me that the honeymoon phase of her past relationships lasted at least 12 months, so it wasn't normal that we fought so much. I realized: those guys simply put up with her crap while they were having fun with her, then when they had enough, they simply dumped her or cheated on her. They didn't bother, like me, to work on the relationship. She kept telling me that she was afraid of being alone by the time she was 30... and that she would cut my balls off if I cheated. Now I understand. lol

 

I am going on a date today!