Ex Cheated on then dumped me for her "Out of league Fri

[Pursuit Of Happiness]

Hello,

This is my First Post...How do I begin... You better grab a snack and something to drink … I have been reading the Posts on this site since November 8, 2004. I never Posted because I thought I was strong and could "Move On" easily…..Who am I kidding. I still want to know why my Ex "happily dumped" me by phone on that fateful Halloween Night. I can't help but wonder if she ever "Loved" me or if it was all just a lie or cover up.

 

Here is My Scoop: November 4, 2000 - October 31, 2004

4 days shy of "our" 4th Anniversary was how long our relationship lasted.

My Ex Fiancé will be called "X-F" (read on).

My relationship with my "EX" had its ups and downs as any relationship does. My "EX" was Kind and Loving at times. She was also extremely Jealous of my "X-F". My "EX" is a "Busy Body" and talks about everyone.

On the Loving side, my "EX" always bought me gifts, rubbed my feet, wrote me love notes and always professed her "undying" love for me. Swore I woke her up from a "bad dream" and I was the one she wanted to have Children and grow old with. She always Said, "I can't wait for you to propose and marry me, you wait long enough- I might get down and propose to you". There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for me. She was obsessed with making love at any time or place.

On the Jealous/Insecure Side, My "EX": would obsessively check my e-mail, cell phone and search my truck for numbers. She would call me 10 times a day to "check up". She always told me "You'd better not ever stop calling or seeing me, and if you ever go back to your "X-F"-that would literally kill me". She basically accused me of cheating (I have Never and will Never cheat on anyone). I think she did so because in the beginning of our relationship, I was still close to my "X-F" (as friends). After about 2 months, I was forbidden to associate with my "X-F" anymore. My "EX" suddenly started talking trash about my "X-F" to people and made me back her up-if not there was heck to pay (I now regret obliging). My "EX" constantly told me "I've heard there is not a guy in a 50 mile radius who your "X-F" has not slept with since you two split". That always hurt that she had no respect to not say such things. I'm sorry, but I will love my "X-F" till the day I die. My love must be EARNED and will never be forced or bought. Once I love someone-it is for Life. My "X-F" EARNED my Love along time ago. When we split we swore to never lose contact and to always "be there" when needed. I think the fact I still care for my "X-F" repulsed my "EX". I not once talked bad about or kept my "EX" from her past boyfriends.

 

From the Second year on, my "EX" started acussing me of not loving her because "I never" proposed to her yet. She brought up that "Well, you proposed to your "X-F" after 2 years" why won't you propose to me?" I told her that I was burned once and would propose when I was ready-that she shouldn't force it.

I treated my "EX" GOOD. I always took her to dinner, movies, mall wherever her heart desired. Whatever she desired, I did the best to give it to her. I drove us Cross-Country (Maryland to CO, MT etc) 2 times and not once did I ask her to drive or pay for anything. I busted my butt for the money on those trips (each was 1/4th of my Yearly Income). I took her to my favorite spots- "Pikes Peak" and "Ouray" Colorado on July 4, 2004 and all she did was pout about not getting a ring and that I didn't love her. I told her I would propose when we were home at "our" spot. I did buy a ring and was going to propose on our 4 year Anniversary.

 

In Late September/ Early October she suddenly "had" to work double shift on the weekends (regular hours during the week). Friday was now her only night free (Our dinner movie and cuddle night). Then she asked if she could join her married female "coworker friends" at a local restraunt/dance club for dinner on Friday nights. Being reluctant, I said she could go, BUT told her I was hurt she didn't want me to join her and her "friends" I never met. Her reply was "don't worry its just us girls going, you'd be bored". Early in October she sent flowers to me for no reason with a note saying "Just something different to let you know how much I love the man you are-I thank God every day he has brought you into my Life".

 

During the last 2 weeks of October, I tried to do things with her but she was "busy". We planned on going out for Halloween (bar hoping) and so I bought my costume. On October 28th she came over, I noticed her going to my truck and then came in the house. She acted fine and said "I need to get my black "sexy" dress"…The dress I bought her. She said "a single "coworker" friend had a "Hot Date" and wanted something sexy". I told her it was weird and she got defensive. I asked why her friend didn't wear her own dress and she said "girls borrow dresses all the time for dates". She left without kissing me. Well that was the last time I saw her. Halloween weekend came and I called her I know 30 times. She called at 6:05 p.m. Halloween Night and happily dumped me…She said "I don't think we should date anymore-I don't want us to hate each other". She said, " This has nothing to do with you, its me." Clueless and hurt, I asked her what she meant and she said "You are a wonderful and great man but, I am going my way in life and you are going yours". She said "Whatever happens, lets promise to go to each others wedding". I asked why she didn't break up in person and she said "I can't bare to face you or the dog" (we picked him together he was "our Son"). I asked her what she did over the weekend and in a worried voice she said "I went to the mall with friends". I could tell by her voice she wasn't being honest. So, I asked her if the dress was really for "her" date during the weekend and she flipped out telling me not to go there. She got quiet and The last things she said was "Promise me you will not go back to your "X-F" because that will destroy me , I only want the best for you, lets promise to be friends".

 

I screwed up and spent One week writing an E-mail to her that professed my love and about how great she was. I sent it and then called to tell her to check her mail. She read it and said "It was nice, but we are not "meant to be". I asked her "If another man had anything to do with the breakup". She got defensive and said " No, There is no other man, I need to find myself, you need to "Move On" with your life, you mean to tell me there are no cute girls you've been dying to ask out?" Hurt by her comment I told her that "She is the only girl that was worthy of me asking out". She then said she had to go….

 

.I contact her once a week on Sundays by e-mail until December 15 and she always denied "that there was another man". She not once called or e-mailed me. I haven't seen her since Halloween because she says "I don't want to set myself back. I will meet you one day-when the pain and hurt are gone". Well on December 18th, I was depressed…I called her at work to see what was going on and that if we are not getting back together then I'd appreciate my $1,000 Camera and Cell Phone back along with a check for $150 to cover the 2,200 minutes she used on the phone AFTER the breakup. She said she would call my cell phone later that day to talk. Never did. She sent an e-mail a couple days later and said "I didn't know I had a cell phone bill to pay with you". "I am extremely happy". "I started dating my new man 1 week after we split" (yea right-I think before). "He is 30 years old and lives in a big house in "the" (Uppity) town". "I have known him for 6 months (before our trip to Colorado). I never had interest in or pursued him because I assumed "he was out of my league". "We would always talk about stuff…Its hard for me to believe him when he says he wants me and that I'm great". "He took me to the city for the weekend on my Birthday (12/7/2004) and it was a wonderful time". Then she said "I didn't tell you about my "friend" while we were dating because I didn't want you to get mad. I didn't tell you after we broke up because I thought you'd take your life-so I lied". Then she said "For the past 4 years you have treated me horrible, and I refuse to feel guilty for finally looking after myself". I wrote back telling her "Nothing in this world is will ever make me commit such a sin as killing myself". "I then asked her to please get my stuff to me by New Years Eve. She swore she would send the stuff . I still have not received my belongings. Right Now, I don't care because it has been One month of N/C with her what so ever. I have heard through the grapevine the guy she is dating is an Eye Doctor- her boss at work. Explains her Friday night dinner with "Co-Workers". I had a gut feeling she was dating someone from work-just not the boss though…lol

What's funny is that My "X-F" has contacted me since Christmas. She wished me a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Birthday (Jan 2nd). We have caught up on the last 4 years. I apologized for letting my "EX" make me toss her out of my life. She has helped me a lot since Christmas...I now feel guilty because I think I pushed the wrong person out of my life 4 years ago (actually 3 years 11 months and 27 days).

 

Funny how my "EX" waited all that time to tell me the truth about the "breakup" when she could have been honest on Halloween night better yet, before I SPENT all that money on the trip out west. Funny how she always accused me of cheating and she's the one who cheated (hypocrite). Just wish I wasn't so blind during the relationship. I am sad/depressed at times, angry at times and happy at times. I will always resent her for ending things the way she did. Should I worry about getting my stuff back? Do you think all she cared about was getting married? I don't know if she loved me or the thought of getting married……..I think she knew I was ready to propose and she realized "she" wasn't ready…….. Sorry this was so long. If any of it doesn't make sense I can explain. Any and all info appreciated………..

[Lisaann7898]

Whew, that was lengthy, I think it was a bad dreakup for sure. But lucky for you it wasnt a divorce, bc it surely wouldve been had you married you(she wouldve cheated during the marriage too). Hope you are happier than ever now!

[Azure13]

Ouch! She sounds like a manipulating, selfish, materialistic person. Anyone who breaks up by phone has no respect at all. Yuck, be glad you are rid of her! Don't trust someone who tells you not to talk to someone unless they have a REALLLY good reason (Like if you cheated on her with the x-f or something, which you didnt).

[melrich]

I think you should get your X-f together with your EX and start talking about that EX/f-x dynamic. EX with x-F and x-F with EX. See what EX says re. X-f and vice versa X-f about EX. If EX says same about x-F and x-F about EX then.....oh god where was I .............

[nikhilgore]

Dude you lucked out man. You lost what 1500 bucks. If anything I'd call that a bargain. Spending 1500 is nothing compared to finding out that your ex was a beeatch. I've been thourgh a similar experience where my ex told me she was in love with this guy 2 weeks after we broke up and she had been talking over the phone for 6 months with him (oh btw during those times she told me she suspected he was gay...hah). Anyways I know the pain you are gong through so what you should do is cancel the phone paying whatever the fee is and minimize your losses. She will probably come back crawling in 6 month (lets hope not) (i hope my ex doesnt) at which point you shouldve moved on and you can just tell her with a smile on your face that "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me".

 

Bottom line is that nice guys like us always end up getting screwed but I read someone's signature out here that said something to the order of " A real man is the man who has scars from the heartbreaks that he hasa gone through".

 

Personally about your XF I can understand your ex not liking it and I think that contact shoudl lonly be maintained if your partner is cool with it but that is what I think.

[Caldus]

Well you know, this girl is probably going to screw over this other guy as well. It's better to know now that she's not the person that you thought she was. She's a cheater and a liar and will behave the same way towards the other men she is with until she grows up. I'm sure it hurts to know the truth but it is always better to know the truth. Now it's time for you to heal and move on. Work on your confidence some more while you are single again.

[alphonsefa]

I read your story and found some many similarities to my own. I had done the composing a monster email thing but haven't sent it, and I'm pretty sure I won't. For the simple fact that it will treated just like your email was. My email wasn't going to be for professing my love, but to plant in her head what she had lost, with the hope that one day when she is sleeping alone with her pride, these memories will haunt her. But I doubt they will being your girl has the same skill mine had, the ability to flip off the emotion in a second. Mine was crying that I didn't propose to her on Christmas night, then 2 days later she tells she wants to be alone and that we are over. Also, gave me your girls line about going out to find someone else to share my life with. Here is my story if you care to hear of my misery too link removed

[Pursuit Of Happiness]

Thanks everyone for the support. You have no idea how good it feels to wake up and "feel" support. It sucks becuase I constantly think of how she ended it so quickly and easily. I think she cheated and feels guilty and never wanted to face me, so she hid. She ditched me 3 months after I spent $10 grand on our last trip and says "You should've given me the ring".

 

Also, I forgot to mention, I know she is now talking trash me because I saw her parents at Target on January 2, 2005. They all looked at me like I was garbage-like I did something. I approached her daid and said "hey how are you?" and went to shake his hand but he gave me nasty look and walked away...that hurt. At least my family will never ignore or snub her if they run into her-and I don't expect them to. My mom even sent her a card for her B-DAY and Christmas. On the last e-mail she sent, she asked me if "I have been sitting in the parking lot at work at 9:00 because a coworker said they see me and my truck" (Indicating I'm stalking I guess). I told her to "get over herself, to not even go there, that somepeople have real jobs and start at 5:30 a.m." I then told her "I had no want or desire to associate with someone who cheats on and hurts me". That comment ticked her off and we havent talked since (December 20th).

There is a new girl at a store that I am NOW interested in. She is very nice and I think she flirts with me (hard for me to tell). She looks to be around 20 years old. But, after 4 years my pick up skills are a bit rusty and I don't know if she has a b.f. I am shy at first so it'll take me a while to get back in the swing of things.

Oh' well good ridden of the "EX" I guess. Its just hard to get her out of my head, knowing we went from Lovers to Foes so quickly. I am the sadest in the a.m. and before I go to bed.

[RayKay]

You are seriously fortunate to have found out she was like this...granted it would of been nicer if you had found out before 4 years went by, but it is better than after you were married. You are better to have her out of your life...I know how much it hurts, but trust me, she sounds like a real....well, you know where I am going...and callous to boot by rubbing it in! It sounds like she might not be "as" happy as she thought she would be which might be why she rubbed it in, but meh, it does not matter. She sounds selfish, manipulative and yes, wanted to be married rather than live in the present. I guarantee she has told her parents, coworkers, etc whatever suited her to make her sound like the good girl in all of this.

 

Promise that even if she came crawling back on her hands, knees, pleading for forgiveness and how she made a mistake, you'll shut the door on her!

[Pursuit Of Happiness]

It feels good to hear everyone's thoughts and advise about forgetting her and moving on. I thought about "us" this morning and realized something. I think the whole relationship was a lie on her part and that she did the nice things to throw me off about her running around.

 

I Love who I am both mentally and Physically. I choose to do everything with my own two hands (when possible). I do not need money or materialistic things to be happy in life. I choose my friends by thier character and morals rather then by thier bank account. I am strong both mentally and physically and I believe that is from co-owning and operating my construction company with my father.

 

My "EX" has been spoiled since the day she was born. She is the type that always gets what she wants. She depends on people. She cannot and or will not do anything on her own (Everything is in dads name even her new 05' SUV-she is 27). She BLAMES me for her not finishing college, when all I did was encourage her. I think in September when her parents new house was built up here for retirement in 5 years(they live in Florida) things changed. She moved out of her apartment and moved into the new house by herself (her words "rent free house" for 5 years). She gave me her couch, bed and some decorations. I think she cleansed herself of everything that involved me even her old car. She never wanted me to come visit at her house, rather her visit me. I was inside her house 3 times.

 

2 years ago, I started buiding a house (small- 1000 sq.ft) on my 5 acre lot. I built it myself for "US" with the funds coming from paycheck to paycheck. It was to be "OUR" house. I finished it the same time as her parents finished thier new house. She chose her parents house to live at. Everything I did to my house from ground up-I got her opinion and thoughts on. So here I am with a house that reminds me of her from the siding, paint, carpet, deck etc. I think its time to repaint and either get rid of or give back the couch etc, becuase they are constant reminders and memories. It is time to live again. Sorry if I blab, I keep remembering things............Thanks for all your continueing input 8) .... Much appreciated.

[PrincessLinzay]

Wow, she sounds like a real nut-job. I think narcissistic women are soooo hot. j/k.

 

Honestly though, you should get down on your knees and thank your lucky stars that you found out what kind of person she is before you proposed to her. She sounds like one of those scary women who is obsessed with the idea of getting married.

 

Maybe the eye doctor guy needs to give himeself a check up so he can see what he's dealing with......Just a thought.