It started with a simple ring she had

[Knctrnl22]

I am 23 and my girl is 19

 

About two nights ago I was sitting on the couch with her watching a movie and I was taking off one of her rings on her thumb. After I took off the ring on her thumb she put it on the left hand on the fourth finger. Later that night I went to bed and was going to take the ring off because I usually don't wear one and she didn't like that she got a little upset. When I took the ring off all that she said to me was that she wanted me to keep it on and that she thought I was going to take it off the next day. I didn't uderstand what the big deal was to her, then I went to work the next day and I got a lot of dumb comments about it and was told that she was trying to cut off my circulation or in other words make sure everybody new I was taken. Later that night I went to go visit her and she noticed that I switched hands on the ring and was upset I told her that I had gotten a lot of comments so that is why I swithed. I told her what people thought about it and she got mad and said that it wasn't like that she just simply didnt want me to take it off because she never took it off. To me it is a big deal because I feel that I let her down in a way because of what other people think. I told her that I wasn't going to wear the ring where she put it because I think that a guy should wear a ring there when he is Married. She replied with "this is turning into a huge deal" I haven't commented on that all day because I do want this to blow over but I don't know how to deal with it because I should have just told her from the beginning I also told her last night that I was going to put it back where she had originally put it but this morning I changed my mind and told her what I truly felt and that is that a guy should only wear a ring there when he is married. Having trouble understanding this situation and help would be appreciated I know it might not be anything to take seriously but I do.

[sisterlynch]

I think that she is having a little fun with you, that is all. How long have the two of you been together and how is the relationship going in other ways??

[PrincessLinzay]

Well, it definitely sounds as though she was marking her territory. So to speak.

 

Guys leave hickeys, girls buy promise rings. She was gauging your reaction to her putting her little territorial mark on you. Although I think that something appearing to be a wedding ring was a little much....

 

If you truly want her to feel better, why not go out and get yourself a promise ring for your other hand? Tell her that you don't feel bad wearing it, but marriage is a little much. All is well again.

 

Otherwise I would just leave it alone and it will blow over. Don't worry.

[Knctrnl22]

the relationship is going good and we have been together for three months we have a lot of things in common and I like her personality.

[sisterlynch]

Does she expect you to wear the ring at all times? I think that she is just kidding you....she can't expect that you will wear a wedding ring after only 3 mos!!

 

What do you want to do or tell her?

[Day_Walker]

It seems like you both have taken the situation further that it should have gone. First of all if you didnt want to wear the ring then why even argue about it, just dont wear the ring, its very simple. It does seem that she was marking her territory but your whole argument about a guy should only wear a ring on that finger when he is married seemed odd, cuz its really not that big of a deal.

[Knctrnl22]

I don't think she is being completely honest with me that is what I think.

 

I know she knows what happens if you put a ring on that finger because she does it when she doesn't want other guys to hit on her.

 

I think she just thought that I was going to leave the ring there.

 

I would really like to but not right now I haven't decided that yet

 

To me we are still getting to know each other

 

Like I said I told her today " I am only going to put a ring on that finger when I am married" she said "that is your choice" what does that mean?

 

thanks for your help lynch you are wonderful

[RayKay]

Well, this will probably blow over...for now. But it may be something that comes up later. She is young and in love and possibly had fantasies and dreams of bigger commitment..maybe she wanted to "pretend" but her getting angry at you was just an emotional reaction..she may have felt rejected.

 

Calmly tell her that to you that to you, that a ring on that finger to you is to wait until marriage and that you don't like to "trivialize" its importance. That she is important to you, and she is in your heart always...you don't need the ring to remind yourself. If you wish, get promise rings to wear on ANOTHER finger. Personally I won't put any ring but an engagement or wedding ring on that finger, but that does not mean I am not wholly committed to my partner! I just value that finger until the point I am engaged/married (hopefully with him!

[GettingOverIt]

"That is your choice" - Man, I was seeing a girl who said that to me all the time, and I never did figure out what the heck she was talking about! If it was my choice, then what's the big whoop?

 

I agree with the others here, I think it was a little 'cutie' kind of thing that got out of hand (no pun intended). If it is that big of a deal to you, then move the ring to another finger and get on with things...

[sweetpea4670]

Ha, "it's your choice" is girl-speak for I don't approve of what you're doing/did...I don't like it and don't want you to do it. When women get very angry, they'll say "it's you choice" instead of saying what they really mean. To them, it's not really a choice - we jsut say that because we want our partners to make the "right" choice on their own ("right" meaning wearing the ring, in your case). You asked why it was a big deal if it was your choice in the first place...well that's because it never really was because that's not what she meant. About the whole ring thing? Talk to her about why she wants you to wear the ring so badly. Explain that you're fully committed to her, and wearing that ring on that finger or not wearing it would take nothing away from that committment. Tell her that when you're ready, the ring will come. Like everyone else has said, talk to her, make her understand where you're coming from and work to understand what is that she wants by you wearing the ring, then just let it blow over.

[johnagent1911]

"The right choice"? I say do whatever you want and she'll get over it.

[sisterlynch]

I don't think she is being completely honest with me that is what I think.

 

I know she knows what happens if you put a ring on that finger because she does it when she doesn't want other guys to hit on her.

 

I think she just thought that I was going to leave the ring there.

 

I would really like to but not right now I haven't decided that yet

 

To me we are still getting to know each other

 

Like I said I told her today " I am only going to put a ring on that finger when I am married" she said "that is your choice" what does that mean?

 

thanks for your help lynch you are wonderful

 

She is forcing the issue and it isn't right. If she is kidding, that is one thing, if she is making you be whipped or unavailable to all others, that is wrong too.

 

She is trying to make you be faithful, but she is going about it the wrong way. She can't be so reliant upon you. You need to be able to choose what you are going to do with that little finger of yours.