sweetpea4670

Have you told your wife how desperate you are to seek help to make a change in your communication? I know that no matter how angry I was, I would be ecstatic if my boyfriend would just realize what he is doing and is actively trying to change it. If you tell her what you're telling us on this forum, I am almost positive she will be very willing to support your attempt to change with more faith in the belief that you will change. Tell her what goes through your head when you argue - tell her how you feel about not wanting to hurt her. If my boyfriend said to me, the things you are telling us on this forum, I would be shocked. Maybe your wife needs to hear that.

Wow, I had to say something because I have the same problem with my boyfriend and that's our biggest (maybe only) real problem with the relationship. I love everything about him but I always feel that he doesn't care due to his lack of communication. My boyfriend does the exact same thing. I get mad at him for not communicating. We start arguing - I cry my eyes out he sits there in silence. It is the most frustrating thing in the whole world and makes me feel like he doesn't care at all. It makes me want to shake him and be like, "what's wrong with you?!" I accuse him of not caring and he says that he just doesnt know what to say - he's afraid I'll get mad at him - that's what he always says -that he doesnt say anything because he's afraid ill get mad at him. Do you feel that way too? I pour my heart out and he says nothing and when I ask him to say something, he says "what do you want me to say?" I ask him to tell me whatever he's thinking and he says he's not thinking anything which makes me want to slap him. I'm getting so angry even as I write this. It's the only reason I've ever considered breaking up with him and we've been dating for 2&1/2 years. He still has this problem but unlike you, he refuses to admit it and says that it is just who he is and his personality and that if I love him, I'll have to accept that. I tell him it's killing our relationship and he just doesn't seem to think or understand that as much as I dont want to, I might have to break up with him soon because I'm so emotionally unfulfilled. I guess I'm not sure if it's just him or all guys that are incapable of having a deep conversation. Just writing about this makes me want to cry - if he would only understand!! Like scorpio, I always find myself searching for someone deep and someone I could have a deep, emotional conversation with. It's the only reason I could ever see myself falling for someone else - if they can fulfill me emotionally better than he can. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me. I'm guessing I'm quite a few years younger than you, so I understand if you don't particularly want to hear my thoughts. Good luck to you, though and it's really great of you to want to change your ways.

I haven't posted here in a really long time because sometimes, it would make me more depressed to hear about others' problems and it would give me negative ideas even when things were positive in my own relationship. For awhile, I would log on every couple hours to look for something inspiring - something that would make me feel better - but most of the time, it just made me feel hopeless. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and he left for college last month. I was a complete mess this summer before he left but things are absolutely wonderful now. I'm so proud of him because he's working so hard (pre-med! and he calls all the time and I visit him and I love his friends and things are finally good now. When I used to get very depressed and pessimisitc, he would always look me in the eye and tell me calmly that he loved me more than anything in the world and he would kill himself before he did anything at all to hurt me. I never believed him, but I'm glad I stuck through it, because now he's proving it to me and I fall more in love with him everyday. He's one of the most honest, genuine, and loyal guys I've ever met and I am so lucky to have him. I'm not saying it's hard. At first, I was so worried, so paranoid that he was being dishonest and unfaithful, but he would always call and prove me wrong and I learned that the more I doubt him, the more it'll drive him away. I've learned to trust him until he proves me otherwise. I miss him very much. It's so hard to be away from him - his parents divorced this summer and he was living with my family for almost three months. It's so strange to not have him to hold all the night. Every couple nights, I still cry myself to sleep because I miss him so much. We see each other often, though, and talk for at least an hour everyday. I'm attending the same college he is and I can't wait until I get to be with him. So I guess I just wanted to give hope to some people out there who are doing what I did - looking for some inspiration within all the stories of heartache and unfaithfulness; jealousy and anger. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship - I realize that everyday. In it's absense, a relationship falters indefinitely. For all those who think the way I used to; ask yourself this...if you don't believe in him to be faithful, how do you expect him to be? If the love, respect, honesty, and communication are there - it WILL work. But if anyone tells you it's not hard, they're lying through their teeth! Just make sure your relationship is worth it.

My boyfriend of over two years has (in the past couple of months) started to take me for granted (though he doesn't think so and won't admit so). He is rude and disrespectuful and it hurts me so much. I just got off of the phone with him and we were discussing what he wants for graduation. Aftr lots of thinking, I was set to clean out my humble bank account and spring for an ipod. I called him to make sure he wanted one. He said that he didn't really want one that badly because he felt he wouldnt use it much, so I asked him what he did want and was trying to think of ideas of what to get him. I asked him if he was sure he wouldn't use an ipod much and he, in a really nasty tone, said, "No, god, shut up and let me think - I already told you I need time to think." I tried not to get too upset at the fact that here I was about to clean out my account for someone who talked to me like that and I was trying to talk to him about it when he said "you're such a pain in the ass; why do you make everything so dramatic...etc..." After awhile I practically forced him to apologize for what he said to me, but his apologies are always very forced and insincere and he continues to use a nasty tone with me and when I bring that up, he goes back to saying what he did before he apologized (which just goes to show how insincere it was). This kind of thing happens so often- these kinds of conversations. I feel so taken for granted, so unappreciated, etc. and when I tell him this, he rolls his eyes and tells me that he tries and that I jsut don't see it and that it's my problem and that my expectations are too high. When I cry, it doesn't affect him. Another issue is that I always want to be intimate with him more often than he does me. I make him sound really bad, but when things are good, they're great. He's funny, sweet, and affectionate, but things are bad more often than they are good recently. I'm always willing to be intimate when he is, I've never said no to him, but whenever I come on to him, he pushes me away - we're probably only intimate about once a week now, if that, when it used to be almsot every other day. I'm so hurt and I feel like I have no power in teh relationship. I'm the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve. I would do anything for him and the problem is that he knows it. I don't know what to do, other than to break up with him, to get power back in this relationship - how do make him not take me for granted without breaking up with him?

Thanks so much, you guys; I really appreciate the advice and support. We don't expect it to be easy by any means, but we've already been through more than most couples do together and we're both very mature people who are strongly committed in making this work. I feel that if we can't make it work, there isn't hope for anyone our age. We know we're going to change but we're ready for and expecting that - we're willing to change together and we have future plans to be together. We just felt that a relationship in which two years still feels like the first week can't be given up on. Thanks again for all the support!

My boyfriend and I have been together two years (incredibly strong relationship). He's graduating this year and leaving for college about an hour and a half away. We're planning on taking turns visiting every weekend if we can(the drive really isn't bad at all). I'm planning on attending the same college the next year, so we have definite future plans. What are the chances of our situation working out?

Hey you're not alone. My boyfriend and I will have been together two years this month and I love him more now than I ever have. I can't let a day go by without missing him terribly. It's a feeling of wanting and needing even more prevalent than the first "exciting" stages of a relationship. This kind of relationship is what people dream about. It's rare at our age and mostly mistaken for infatuation, but it's possible.(-:

It's possible that she has any one of a number of mental illnesses...her symptoms seems like that of paranoid schizophrenia. She should definitely go to a mental health doctor

Usually, tyour age difference is nothing since its just a few years, but I would be careful only because the maturity level (typically) of person in middle school is far different from that of someone in high school (even jsut from 7th grade to 9th grade). That might not be the case in your situation, but I'd just be aware of the social differences. A person changes SO drastically between 7th grade to 9th grade. Think of yourself back when you were 12 or 13. The age difference between (for example) a 26 and a 28 year old may not make such a difference, but in the teenage years, people seem to grow exponentially in maturity. Good luck, though, I hope it works out!(-:

I'd have to agree with Roasted Carrots. I forgot to mention that I would not be with my boyfriend if he didn't open up to me at least (regardless of him being quite around others) That's very important to me. Part of the attraction is the mystery and that's sexy - I just love that nobody knows the real him except me.

My boyfriend is actually exactly like you; he has "friends" but he's not very close to them, they're more like acquaintances. He's friendly and sociable if put in that position, but his loner-type attitude was kind of what attracted me to him in the first place - it was something different and I always find that attractive. He's not clingy at all (I actually have tons of very very close friends and I'm more "clingy" than he is). When I'm doing something with my friends, it doesn't bother him at all. He just hang out by himself instead of with other guys. So to answer your question, many women do find the loner-type attractive and would date them.

Mabye this is simply my immature thinking, but as Smity22 said, wouldn't you want to know if you were the one being cheated on? I know that I most definitely would. Now, whether I would continue to be with this person for the sake of the child would be my decision. If he continues to do this, and his wife never finds out, that would be heartbreaking. As his wife, I would want to know so I can best figure out how to deal with it. Sure, if she didn't tell her, she might not find out and that would save her grief, but what kind of logic is that? If he doesn't tell his wife based on not wanting to ruin his life and his family, then wouldn't it follow the same logic as a cheating man continuing to cheat but not telling his wife for the sake of the child and keeping his family together? If you believe that she shouldn't tell him, do you also believe that a cheating man (or woman) should not tell his or her spouse for the same reason? I would rather know and deal with it how I want to, than to turn a blind eye to the situation. What kind of relationship can exist that is based on a lie? I think the wife deserves to know.

My boyfriend and I have always had no problem being intimate; we have a pretty good and stable relationship and intimacy was never something I had to worry about. Recently, however, I haven't been able to make him orgasm - in fact, he doesn't even initiate nearly as much as he used to, and even when I initiate, he doesn't get turned on. Every other aspect of our relationship is great right now - we have so much fun together, we fight a lot less than we used to, and I feel so in love with him. This is why this doesn't make sense to me. I know for a fact that he's not cheating on me, because we spend all weekend together, so that's not an issue. He's great in every other way - he makes me feel so loved and wanted, he's very affectionate. It's just when it comes to that he's so out of it. I've talked to him about this because its been bothering me tremendously, but he doesn't seem to think its a problem. While he recognizes the situation, he says that he just hasn't been feeling as aroused lately. I can't help but feel unattractive and incompetent because he doesn't get turned on as easily (or nearly as often) as he used to. He says that he doesn't know why this is happening, but that he's sure it'll get better soon so I should stop worrying about it. He says that he doesn't even get himself off as much as he used to, and when he does, it's usually out of boredom. The thing is, he used to be all over me, and now I always feel like I initiate without response. I'm confused because everything else is great. I can't help but feel so hurt by this. He says I should just let it go and not worry about it because he's sure things will get better. Is he right or is there something to worry about? Has this happened to anyone else? Any ideas on why it's happening or what I can do?

Ha, "it's your choice" is girl-speak for I don't approve of what you're doing/did...I don't like it and don't want you to do it. When women get very angry, they'll say "it's you choice" instead of saying what they really mean. To them, it's not really a choice - we jsut say that because we want our partners to make the "right" choice on their own ("right" meaning wearing the ring, in your case). You asked why it was a big deal if it was your choice in the first place...well that's because it never really was because that's not what she meant. About the whole ring thing? Talk to her about why she wants you to wear the ring so badly. Explain that you're fully committed to her, and wearing that ring on that finger or not wearing it would take nothing away from that committment. Tell her that when you're ready, the ring will come. Like everyone else has said, talk to her, make her understand where you're coming from and work to understand what is that she wants by you wearing the ring, then just let it blow over.

To me, it didn't seem like she's hanging out with him because of his car. I don't know any girl who would talk to a guy so much and ask for rides home for the sole reason of being interested in his car or job. Having said that, it's always nice to date a guy who has a job and car, because it shows responsibility and maturity. Look, this girl seems interested and if you don't make your move, she's going to get frustrated and think that you don't like her. If you're giving her a ride home and you've talked to her on a few occasions, then clearly there is somewhat of a relationship established (if not friendship). When the girl of your dreams gets in your car, ask her out! Don't make a huge deal out of it. Be confident and calm and ask her as it's a passing thought, not something you planned to do. While you're talking, ask her if she'd like to go get some coffee or dinner sometime, just very casually, because you like talking to her and you think it would be fun. I highly doubt that she would decline. Think about it, if a girl likes you enough to talk to you at school, even if wasn't crazy about you, she'd go on a date to see where it might lead. If you get to know her better and it doesn't work for either of you, that's fine, but you gotta give it a chance!