Michael 93 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Hey All, firstly I would just like to say a big thank you to all the contributors and folks on this site. You are all magic and have helped me no end. I'm going to not try and bore you but just get my point accross as my mind if feeling more hazy and foggy than it has in a long long time and I could do with your advice.. Just over a year ago me and my partner broke up (she made the call), I was madly in love with her and experienced things that I had never been apart of with a partner before, she also lived with me and my mum for a long part of the relationship so I was very used to her ways and we had a very strong connection. I was a wreck, check some of my old posts, I really struggled to cope with losing this girl, It didn't help the fact we work for the same company and I am absolutely useless at strict NC (couldn't seem to drift from looking at social media etc) She left me and found someone else rather soon after B/U, then split up with him and is now with someone else who she claims to love and seems the real deal, There would be odd bits of contact here and there and there were many times I made a very big fool of myself. It took me around 11 months to finally realize she was never coming back, I implemented a decent standard of NC and didn't speak to her for around 5 months, I avoided her offices and places she would be and focused on regaining my life back. Start of this year I vowed to make a conscious effort to try and put all of this behind me, I made a huge impact at work and won employee of the quarter, I upgraded my image and personality and have made an effort to better myself in pretty much all ways, I have had an excellent start to the year. Along with all of these positive points I met a girl called Georgia, She is beautiful and kind and has my best interests at heart. I couldn't believe just how much my life had turned around and I was feeling so positive and happy. My ex felt just like a distant memory. I wasn't as anxious over potentially seeing her and I looked at it as a chapter of my life that sadly just wasn't meant to happen. This is the problem. Around a week ago I got a message from a number that wasn't saved. It was her. Bear in mind I hadn't spoken to her for a long long time maybe 3-4 months. One of our colleagues was leaving and she decided to text me to see if I was going and how i was. I replied and we had a quick chat and a laugh and that I would see her there. The week after, the day came, I avoided her fairly well and kind of lingered with my male colleagues and had a drink, she made a point of speaking to me about whether I had bought her anything. I kind of cut off the conversation quickly as I started to feel uncomfortable and anxious. That was that. She said goodbye to everyone and left. Shortly afterwards I had a phone call off her, asking me if I wanted a lift home as I seemed down and she was going that way. I declined and said I was staying for a couple of drinks. I messaged her a bit later saying I apologize as it would of been nice to catch up, she then says she is at a pub near my house and I'm welcome to join her. "please do not shoot me" I went. we caught up and had a very good laugh and reminisced and just talked and talked. Nothing was mentioned about boyfriends, which led me to believe she wasn't with him anymore. We left it there and hugged went our separate ways. We have spoke a couple of times since then over text and had really good conversations/laughs/catch ups. We were speaking yesterday and I asked if she was free to talk on the phone that night so I could talk to her about some things at work, her response was "sorry, I' not really free, but I can talk now" so I know she will be with her partner. Unfortunately I couldn't talk at that time. What I need from you guys is advice. She is more on my mind now than ever before after break up and it is really confusing me and messing me up. Why is she doing this? Its also causing issues between me and Georgia. I'm not showing her enough attention because my ex is on my mind which isn't fair..I don't know who I'm kidding but deep down I feel like me and ex have a chance? It just seems to have reignited all of those feelings and thoughts. I was having such a good start to the year then out of nowhere this happens. Apologies for this long post. I have not posted for a long time and really needed to get that out. I would really appreciate your advice. Thanks All Mike Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I think you should end things with Georgia if you are so easily distracted by your ex. I also think you should go back to no contact with your ex and start reminding yourself the relationship is over. She's not the only culprit here - you actively sought to catch up with her. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I don't know if ending it with Georgia is necessary...but stopping all contact with your ex is totally required. It's over and I'm not sure what her motives are, she is still with someone else but wanted to keep a claw or two in you..if you are happy with Georgia then refocus on her and block that ex from everything! She'll keep messing with you it sounds like. Link to comment
relevart Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I think Georgia needs to be on your mind more. You're doing her a disservice by "catching up" with the ex. It's easy to be led astray by an ex because you know her. You're remembering the good times and part of you wants to get her back in part to prove that she was wrong to let you go. Every relationship is different though and sometimes an ex is an ex for a very good reason. Link to comment
shessofly Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 3-4-5 months of nc really isn't "a long long time". who knows what her motives are but you have a gf and it looks like she is still involved...and you are not emotionally detached enough to be just a friend and probably won't be for a long time. you have essentially just really began healing when you started nc 3, 4 or 5 months ago. i would go back to nc. as for georgia, i would hate to be in her shoes, but only you know your true feelings/motives behind that relationship. it seems you aren't really ready to give your heart to another but i guess time will tell. Link to comment
sky09 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 now, imagine if it was Georgia doing those things. What would you do then? Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Look, I think that when we have exes that we've really loved and really grieved for, it does take a really long time to get over them. I also think that the 'getting over them' happens in stages, and sometimes those stages take us a couple of steps backwards. Particularly when something like you've just experienced happens. Because you still feel for her, seeing her and talking to her induces a sort of nostalgia, and it brings back all the yearning, the lost love and the fantasy that we could make it work again. I don't think she has some evil intent in making contact with you. She initiated the B/U and is probably quite unaware how difficult it's been for you and doesn't understand the feelings speaking to her again has brought up for you. Don't be daunted - it's just a challenge, and part of the process of letting go. Your feelings are just being tested so you can examine them and really move on. It's still a good start to the year! Link to comment
Michael 93 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Thanks for all your replies and responses. They are all taken on board and totally understood (ms Darcy I understand what you are getting at, but I really don't want to do that) I am now focusing my energies onto Georgia and potentially building something within that part of my life. It has been incredibly hard and I agree the feeling of nostalgia could of been the thing that set this all off. I plan on implementing NC once again and starting this show off. Plus I've just signed up to a marathon which is always good news. something to focus on. I agree, Maybe there wasn't any malice involved and it generally just to become friends, like you said Gollum she is unaware of just how taxing this has been on me.. Would you all advise to resort back to NC. I feel quite negative now at the fact I will be ignoring her again as she may feel satisfaction we are at an even keel. Link to comment
Michael 93 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Thanks for your insight Gollum was really helpful. Would you advise back to NC now? Link to comment
shessofly Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 how can you heal and focus on georgia if you are still communicating with your ex, whom you are still in love with? you really should STAY in nc for a very, very, very long time...& stop breaking it. you are too worried about how she feels. she broke up with you...your main focus should be on how you feel. you need to be able to move on, and you will not do so without implementing and staying in nc. and how about georgia? does she know you are chatting with your ex? what about her feelings? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Who cares what she thinks? She is part of your past. Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Would you advise back to NC now? Yes I would. Thinking about what she might be thinking when you break off contact is fruitless. Just do what you're doing because it's the right thing for YOU. Link to comment
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