esmereldaroses Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I'm trying to think back on things and everything was seemingly ok. Let me put it in this context to assimilate (within the last few days) and me jokingly telling a friend two weeks ago "i think something is up and he's going to make an excuse to not see me valentines day" Let us say this past weekend: Day 1: We hung out for about an hour or so and he left, just a dinner date. He likes rushing off lately (past week or so) having evening plans with a guy friend. Day 2: Didn't hear much at all from him except two texts around noon. Rest of the day dead silence. (My thought process is well maybe he's busy or needs some space I guess?) Day 3: I'm like what's up with that? (ONLY because this isn't the first or second time I haven't heard from him in a day or so. The first couple I'm like ok everyone has things to do but now it's seemingly odd). He responds he was drunk and with a friends family, he expressed the time he went to bed and thought we hang in the morning and also that he honestly "forgot about me" that day. This talking about day 2. I called him out and said you're playing games I'm not putting up with that. I expressed my feelings via communication because I'm like you forgot about me yet remembered the time you went to bed? After back and forth responses he had a final say of "I'm not playing games I promise. Just not ready to hang out as much as you want to just yet" If I can put it this way (he hadn't said a word) it was 19 hours later that I called to just state "if you want space ok but if we are done just verbally agree that with me." I'm an adult and I don't believe in break ups via texts or e-mails, I prefer face to face or a phone call. I don't understand the concept of just ignoring someone instead of just saying hey I need some time or it's not working out. Why can't a person do that? So he didn't answer his phone. I assume it's over, right? You ignore someone because you are a coward or how some friends stipulated that they think he has another gf. I just really don't give a rats a word because it hasn't been that long (2 months). I just never had a guy blatantly ignore me so I don't know what to do with this. I don't get hung about about a guy I'm not that 'close' with. I also don't have sex until a few months but this guy pressured me like hell, severely, so I wonder if that was his prerogative and done? My thoughts are out the door. I never had a guy ignore me to break up with me so I'm not sure if this is what it is or space? I think I come to the conclusion of he is too cowardly to break up. Thoughts? And to be honest? I believe it wasn't ever right and I wasn't meant to be with him, I was meant to be with someone else and this was never right. My question is really does this justify me claiming it a break up and should I give him his things back? e.g. his sweater? Link to comment
haliescharlie Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Two months....sounds like you're smothering him. He basically says that with the "not ready to hang out as much as you want to just yet" comment. Going one or two days without contact.....are you attached at the hip?? You say you're an adult, but this all seems very immature on your part. I'm guessing you're a young adult then. You portray as the over obsessive girlfriend, constantly checking in on him and questioning the relationship at such an early stage. This is supposed to be the high point of the relationship, not one where you get so attached to someone you seize out when they actually continue having a life. Things happen and you don't always get to your phone right away. I would say him pressuring you having early sex is a red flag. Never good when you're not ready yet. Overall, I think you're over reacting WAY too much in a negative way; accusing him of this and that, and spontaneously breaking up with him. I suggest to calm your heightened emotions and reasonably talk out things like true adults. Don't act on your emotions, reason with him. Being so uncontrollably emotional is highly unattractive, likely to steer any guy away. Heck, I'm a girl and you're steering me away... However, you just look like you're finding any excuse to break up with him since you've mentioned you don't really want to date him. Just don't date the guy and end it if that's the case. Save yourselves some heartache. Link to comment
esmereldaroses Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Wow, I'm not blowing up his phone nor do I constantly text or call him 24/7. I don't check in on him at all. I'm not that crazy kind of person. I have no idea where you are getting this speculation from. I said it's not the norm for him to go 24 plus hours without saying a word but he has done it a total of 3 times and past situations he has been acting a bit standoffish. At first he was constantly talking and wanting to hang out and wanting these long days with me (and I'm the one who went hey calm down, not yet). He was all in and deep diving and I was the one who pulled away. So no I don't think so that I'm smothering him. I have never done that to any guy and I won't. Him ignoring me for a third time for a whole day does cause warrant to ask him what's up. That is why I did and oh wow that would make it the fourth day he went silent (and last spoke to me) followed by me contacting him via phone 19 hours later just because I'm not sitting around to speculate. Either tell me what's up or I'm just going to assume it's done. That is childish if you can't communicate with a person and choose to ignore them. Link to comment
haliescharlie Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Not saying you're blowing up his phone, I'm saying your emotions are extreme in this situation. With a few days of not much contact, then you break up with him is extreme. He said he wasn't ready to be with you all the time and it looks like he's backing off. Before he might have wanted to be with you constantly, you tell him to slow down, and now that he does you're prepared to break up with him? The way I read your post was you hung out one day, he hung out drinking with friends later on, the next day he texted you hung over, then the next day he explains how he was drunk and you call him out, questioning your relationship. You put him in the hot seat straight away. After a conversation, it ended with him essentially saying you're smothering him. Then the next day you essentially break up with him. I would feel distraught if I was your bf Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Did you ever have a talk about being exclusive before you slept with him? Because his behavior suggests he is seeing multiple women and you are just one of them. In addition, you seem far more invested in the relationship than he is at this point. Link to comment
esmereldaroses Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Ya he was the one who brought up being exclusive. I guess I just totally got played. It's just weird because he acted so invested and the past week or so it went downhill. The odd factor was him always dropping these "oh i love you" phrases. I was like excuse me what?! Anyways, no point on dwelling over this. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Yup....you got played. And the "I love you's" don't jive with One hour dates. Link to comment
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