He's such a great guy but...

[sherbatz]

A little background:

I was bestfriends with a guy for 3years. During that time I had a boyfriend who neglected me and finally after 5.5years with him I left him. A few weeks/months after that I started hooking up with my bestfriend and we eventually started dating. He has been the best guy to me, he's so caring, he's very attractive, he has ambition, our future goals line up, we think the same way we have so much in common, we spoke about a future together on many occasions. The sex was good too. For the first year together, I loved him so much. I loved loving him, it was so easy. But I also felt he was too good for me. This guy was as close to perfect as you can get. I having been dealing with depression during our relationship and he was so patient with me even while I was mean to him sometimes. I asked him often why he was with me because I thought he deserved better. I finally left him at the beginning of January (1.5yrs together as a couple). We had 2-3 big fights, he was frustrating me just being around. The past 4 months before that I was pushing myself to love him, I just didn't feel it anymore. I pushed him away so he was trying to give me my space but then I felt he was being distant and it just spiraled from there I believe. A vicious circle. When I think of what actual problems we had I can only name 2: I always had to push him to talk (he always did when I pushed, but I always had to push...) and his parents were way too controlling. Drove me crazy. But EVERYTHING else was good. He was that guy that all my friends were jealous of me having.

 

Anyways, after I left him the first week was bad. I forced myself to sleep with someone to help me. I did after hearing he was seeing a few girls. We finally met up after about a month of not talking. It was at a friends dance show so we weren't alone. We ended up having 1 drink with a friend of ours and it was so much fun, felt like no time had passed. I really missed him. One thing lead to another and he came over. For the first time in months I was sexually attracted to him again. I made sure he understood it was only for the night and we did it twice that night and one in the morning. It felt so good to be back in his arms. I wanted time to stand still. Finally I had to meet a friend so we parted ways. I cried in his arms a few times that night, I didn't want to lose him as a friend also. He is the only person that I can actually count on at all times. I met a shrink last week (6th one now) but I seem to like her. When she asked me for an emergency contact, the only person I could think of was him because I know he would always be there for me even if we stopped talking. Anyways, so I cried in his arms many times that night, we talked endlessly. He said he wasn't sure we could be friends because he thought even though he is moving on he will always have a small part of him that would cherish me as more than a friend. I think time will help us on that part. I really don't want to lose him. We agreed to seeing each other max twice a month alone and other times with friends.

 

I really want him to be the one. He is perfect for me. But I don't think he is and I don't even know why! And I'm kicking myself constantly trying to figure it out because I wish he was.

 

Is there something wrong with me? And if so what?

[mhowe]

I think you need to deal with your mental health and let him go. It isn't fair to either of you...but more so him because he has remained steadfast while you run hot and cold.

 

Maybe when you have stabilized your emotional base you can reach out in friendship again.

[Dcgent]

I don't think you know what you want out of life and pulling in someone else to figure that out isn't going to get you to a place where you have piece of mind. I think you really like having him around, but if his presence annoyed you...I truly think it is because you are confused and angry with yourself. Work on yourself, your self-respect and then maybe someone will come around that will be the one you truly want to share life with. You sound very dependent and you won't find happiness being dependent. Once you feel at peace with yourself, I think you will be ready to find true love...to find love you need to find self respect first and foremost. Good Luck.

[Clinton]

All I had to see was the word "but" in your title. Time to move on.

[Tanzi]

because I know he would always be there for me even if we stopped talking. Anyways, so I cried in his arms many times that night, we talked endlessly. He said he wasn't sure we could be friends because he thought even though he is moving on he will always have a small part of him that would cherish me as more than a friend. I think time will help us on that part. I really don't want to lose him. We agreed to seeing each other max twice a month alone and other times with friends.

 

You have to let him go so he can move on with his life. You can't hang on to him for your benefit. You have to think how this is affecting him. He is probably getting very mixed messages from you and is hanging on in hope.

 

He isn't the one for you. If he was there would be no doubt. There is no point trying to work out why he isn't the one just accept that he isn't and that you have to set him free. You are holding him back. I think you are just feeling scared of losing him for good but unfortunately that may have to be the case. At least until he has moved on emotionally anyway.

[overthemoon86]

it's best to let this relationship go, I honestly think you haven't spent much time being single and getting to know yourself. A boyfriend is never going to complete you, you need to complete yourself. I think you are looking for someone to keep that chemical "love" going and frankly that doesn't last forever. Once that honeymoon phase is over, you find things you don't like about someone and because you don't feel that chemical "love," it's over in your mind. You can't rely on people to make you feel a certain way. You have to create your own happiness.

 

You need to work on yourself, deal with your own emotional issues before you can be with someone else. Let him go and heal.

[lauradeen]

You're definitely not ready right now. You need to figure your out! Let this guy go, and focus on yourself. No one else is going to fill that hole or fix your depression, only you.