marycatherine9 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time now. I love him more than anything but I can't stand to be around him at times. We are both young ( I am 22, he is 25) but we have talked about marriage and our future which I can oddly see happening. He works really hard to support us, he let me quit my job a year ago and he foots the bills while I play house wife. And he has so many good qualities but then again his little quirks I once loved are old now. I snap at him for no reason, I feel bad after but I can't help it. I'm constantly moody and I take out everything on him. Not to get me wrong, he has done his wrong doings in the past as well. He is a recovering alcoholic and left me behind for two other girls right before we started dating. I did the same and left him for another guy, but way before things were serious in any sense. My family loves him, my friends love him and he treats me like a queen (most days). But something just makes me want to hate him. We used to have sex 1-3 A DAY. And now he is lucky if I put out once a week. He is way out of my league physically. He's 6'5 190 lbs, tan, bearded and tattooed. I'm 5'2, 220 lbs but i have good proportions, also tattooed. and while I know I'm pretty and he tells me everyday that he loves my stretch marks and tummy, I just feel inaddiquate. In the city we live in, EVERYONE knows who he is and that isnt an understatement. Hes been the dreamy guy i saw on myspace in 2008 and never thought in a million years i would be with. I'm also the first "chubby girl' he has dated. All his exes were super tiny. I feel like all our problems stem from me but I can't help it. I feel terrible. But then I think of things he's done and I don't feel all that bad anymore. I just want to know if we are just past the honeymoon phase or if something is wrong. I love him dearly and I can't see my life without him. But something is just off. Maybe Im just trying to ruin it?, Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 It sounds to me as if you are habouring some sort of resentment towards him. Could it be from what happened in the early days? What are these little quirks that annoy you? You said he supports you so that you can "play housewife" ... do you have a child with him? How is your relationship generally .... good? Argumentative? Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 The thing that I focused on was that you feel ambivalent about your weight. I'm 5'3" and weight 110 ibs, so you are large for your height. You've no doubt been down this road before, but what about going on a serious weight reduction regime and getting into some sort of exercise? It doesn't have to be the gym - it can be fast walking, cycling, yoga. Something that gets you moving. I also wonder if you don't feel good enough for him? He's the dream guy, so in your mind you feel like an imposter, because he chose you and your perceived inadequacies. And strangely, you resent him for it at some deeper level. The way I see it is - he did choose you, and he treats you well. Lucky you! So, start behaving as if you appreciate him! Control those moods, lose some weight and you'll feel like a different person. Easier said than done, I know, but focus on the good things and talk yourself out of the resentment and the moods. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 taking the weight issues out of it .. do you think if you went out to work you would be able to fill your head with other stuff ...there is no reason for a 22 yr old woman with no children to stay at home ..not judging your choices at all ..it is nothing to do with me ..but going out to work gives you a place , a sense of pride , motivation , independance and less time to focus on other stuff and ruminate over it . you are almosy talking yourself into the self fulfilling prophecy ..all his other exes where tiny , everyone knows him yadayada ..it is though you are pushing and pushing because you expect him not to want you , so have got in there first and started to dislike him . Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 there is no reason for a 22 yr old woman with no children to stay at home ..not judging your choices at all ..it is nothing to do with me ..but going out to work gives you a place , a sense of pride , motivation , independance and less time to focus on other stuff and ruminate over it . My thoughts exactly. Though it seems NOT to be the case I was hoping the OP would clarify whether they had a child together because I could not fathom why a 22 year old would chose to stay at home all day "playing housewife". This is the time to be enjoying the world around you, learning and growing from it, mixing with other people, becoming the person you want to be ..... not being stuck at home alone all day whilst your other half is out all day. Whose choice was this? Is this something you really want? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 My thoughts exactly. Though it seems NOT to be the case I was hoping the OP would clarify whether they had a child together because I could not fathom why a 22 year old would chose to stay at home all day "playing housewife". This is the time to be enjoying the world around you, learning and growing from it, mixing with other people, becoming the person you want to be ..... not being stuck at home alone all day whilst your other half is out all day. Whose choice was this? Is this something you really want? yes I read it twice to see if there was a child involved ... I really believe she would help herself enormously by been out in this world , earning a wage , mixing with others , having lunch plans and work night outs etc ... it is a huge part of life and a huge part of our thoughts ...take that away ..and you are stuck at home day after day ...with your thoughts getting more rancid by the second haha . Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 You need to get a life that isn't just about playing house. You're too young to sit around the house doing nothing and probably bored and eating too much to entertain yourself. So you're cranky and unhealthy and have no goals or anything else to do with yourself. So you need to first get your own act together. How about going to school to get a good career going? If he's willing to support you, start getting your own life and feeding your head rather than just sitting around the house eating too much and getting cranky. A bad diet can also make you irritable and prone to mood swings if you are getting too many carbs and not enough proper nutrition. And you need to get out of the house and exercise some as well and get some of those 'feel good' endorphins that come from exercise. So start getting your own act together rather than sitting around passively picking at him. You need to get a way to support yourself regardless of what happens with him, and you need to get a more varied life where you live like an adult rather than a spoiled overfed dog on a pillow. Really, happiness is about reaching out and living a balanced life and not expecting someone else to take care of you and fix your feelings. You have to fix your own. And once you do that, you will probably get along better with your BF. And start doing it soon before he gets sick of your moodiness and you acting like a spoiled child who expects Mommy to entertain her all day. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 yes I read it twice to see if there was a child involved ... I really believe she would help herself enormously by been out in this world , earning a wage , mixing with others , having lunch plans and work night outs etc ... it is a huge part of life and a huge part of our thoughts ...take that away ..and you are stuck at home day after day ...with your thoughts getting more rancid by the second haha . Absolutely! OP, you really need to think long and hard about giving up a career or being on the work ladder to play housewife for someone with whom you are not committed to in a serious way. It is not even usual to give up work when one becomes engaged or married but to do so when a future together has been mildly discussed seems a tad premature. You are at home all day with nothing but your thoughts which have time to grow and grow ... and you have nothing else in your life to focus on other than the things that are making you feel insecure. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 You need to be saving as much $ as possible - please do not be dependent on a boyfriend for financial support (a husband - that's a bit safer especially if you are caring for a young child) - have your own financial nest egg so that when you are ready to marry you are not choosing based on finding a financial provider. First get a job, then make sure you see your doctor and get checked out to see if your obesity is affecting your health. Big deal he looks handsome -and as far as feeling like you love him - I don't discount that but I think it's based more on an image you have of him rather than who he really is and that is why you don't like him very much. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 My family loves him, my friends love him and he treats me like a queen (most days). I get the sense that there's a lot you're not saying about him. So what about the days he doesn't treat you "like a queen"? What does he do that you're finding upsetting? I also agree with those saying that you may be moody and irritable in general because that extra weight must be uncomfortable, both physically and emotionally. Link to comment
Odette88 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I think the fact that you're staying home could have something to do with snapping at him and being irritated with him. You are 22 and need to be out and working and have a life too and that could be part of the resentment. You're way too young to be staying home and playing house girl! I think you would feel so much better being out and working and meeting new people and friends too! I'm 27 and had my first baby and am staying at home and its easy to pick and start fights because you're the one home all day and theyre not. Plus I think it will boost your self esteem too. Link to comment
marycatherine9 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Sorry for the late reply everybody! Very helpful answers. But to shed light on some questions asked. I quit my job in June due to anxiety issues. I was having attacks too often and didn't leave the house for a few weeks and he was happy to take care of me. Since November, I have been working back at my old job. I had about 30 hours a week until the end of seasonal and now I maybe work 2 days of the week. Not for money, just simply for something to do. I am a licensed cpsmotologist and im attending phlobotomy (spelling? Haha) school in a few months. I also failed to mention that we live with two roommates. One is my best friend of 9 years, the other is his best friend of quite some time. So when he isn't home I am with my friend autumn, my family is all near by, I still have friends outside of work and I also hang with his friends when he isn't here. So I'm not alone 100% of the time when he is gone. And on the weight, yes I need to lose weight and I am working towards it. I have lost about 70 lbs thus far. I have been chubby my entire life. And its not that I'm dating a skinny "well known" guy that's getting to me. I have never dated a fellow chubby man, they have always been tall, slender and handsome. For some reason chubby girls are the thing for the Nashville scene right now. Haha. Also for as heavy as I am, its 80% thighs, ass, and boobs. So I guess I was blessed there and seem a little smaller than I am. On the way that he treats me is great, but I do think I resent some things he did to me early on as hard as he tries to make up for it. His drinking was very detrimental (both my parents were alcholoics), him always choosing his ex, etc. None of those things are a problem anymore but I know I harbor feelings about it. He is absolutely in love with me, I can do no wrong and no matter how mean I can be he still adores me and I don't get it. Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I think there are some dependency issues going on here...you quit your job because of anxiety issues, you are moody and taking it out on your boyfriend. I think you need to be speaking with a therapist and getting some help to deal with your emotions. What job were you doing that caused you that much anxiety to quit? I can't imagine something being that bad to cause that much anxiety to quit which is the reason why I think you need to seek some professional help. You are depending on your boyfriend to pick up the pieces which is an unfair responsibility to someone. Link to comment
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