This might help you!

[larthur1]

breakup help

 

So I went through a break up about 9 months ago, after a 5 year relationship that I thought was leading to marriage and children.

 

For anyone reading this that is currently in the deepest darkest pits of misery...you think it can’t get better. You can’t imagine that it gets better but it does. Believe me I was there. Lying on the floor curled up in a ball of your own despair. The feeling of pain where you think a part of your soul has died. I worried that I was going to become this person permanently, it consumed me so completely. I lost my identity.

 

Don’t worry, you will come back. You will come back better and stronger. Those peaks and troughs, the emotional roller coaster of highs and lows eventually becomes less and the positive highs mature into a contented well-being. The deepest lows become reflective contemplation where your brain works properly again and you can discern what was right and wrong for you. Strength and experience.

 

Here are a few little things that really helped me.

 

- Don’t embrace the misery.

 

We are all prone to a little self indulgence in melancholy and when you’re in that place it becomes very hard to understand where abouts you’re at on the spectrum. Don’t! It doesn’t serve you. It literally has no worth at all...harder said than done I know but just try not seeing how far the rabbit hole goes.

 

- Empowering statement

 

Use that high! When you have a positive mind set, quickly (before it goes) get your phone out and write it down. Whatever it is. In mine I remind myself that this person wouldn’t have satisfied me for the rest of my life and I deserve that. I deserve to be fulfilled by the SO in my life. Try not to hate the other person, make it about you. and then whenever you are feeling low, pull that phone out and read it. For me that message was like a light at the end of the tunnel. Add to it and build it.

 

- Find a place

 

I found somewhere close to my work, a Buddhist garden. I walked in there and felt...something. It gave me somewhere to be alone with my thoughts. To churn that rubbish out but also to take a break. Find somewhere you can physically pick yourself up and go to.

 

- Talk!

 

Talk to anyone and everyone. Drive them, nuts with your nonsense! Try not to worry about their opinions or comments but its better than relying on the opinion and view of crazy you! My mum was/is an amazing woman and she sat and shared with me through it all. Like, even when I was repeating the same rubbish over and over again.

 

- Build on you

 

Its not about them anymore. Actually its so not about them they didn’t want you in their life anymore. Build on you. New hobbies, socialise with friends. I became a central hub of activity. I said to my friends, look I need to keep busy, I just would like someone to do things with me. So look on the internet. Make sure you do something every weekend. Shows. Drinks. Dinner parties. Lunches. Cinema. Literally make it a thing to find stuff to do. I have always been in good shape so the gym wasn’t a must for me but it could be for you.

 

- Don’t message the ex

 

Just don’t. I did. I sent messages after messages. Day long prepared letters, emotional downpour. I thought, this one will do it. If i just say this or this or this....IT WONT! All you do is demean yourself and push them away. You might want to do that but then all you do is show you care. Indifference, fake it till its real. Don’t. Send. Messages. To. Your. Ex.

 

- Know this

 

You are lovely. You are an amazing human being and you are special. Out there somewhere is someone desperate to meet you. They are out there. That special someone that is perfect for you. The one you just lost...it aint them! They didnt appreciate you enough otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this. Their loss. Let them find out how special you are the hardway, they chose that path.

 

- Remember this

 

Now you know what you don’t want and what you do. You’ll spot it a mile of. Rest assured you won’t make the same mistake again. You don’t have to try and know. You just will. I’ve dated a few girls since and I knew. So I ran a mile. Safe and sound in my single box of...I don’t need to put up with anyone else’s rubbish. I deserve happiness.

 

So I hope that helps. My heart goes out to you. Don’t come on here too much (don’t embrace the misery). No one is going to give you the answers but you. In the end you don’t need them anyway. Have fun and enjoy being single, you may not get the chance again ;-)

[Dcgent]

be sure the exercise and eat right as well. Diet and physical situation can do wonders!

[courtney06]

- Don’t embrace the misery.

 

We are all prone to a little self indulgence in melancholy and when you’re in that place it becomes very hard to understand where abouts you’re at on the spectrum. Don’t! It doesn’t serve you. It literally has no worth at all...harder said than done I know but just try not seeing how far the rabbit hole goes.

 

 

Thanks for the advice. I need to stop doing this. I have a very creative mind and my art reflects it. I assume the worst thing and I believe it.