How to approach this?

[kittykat1118]

I've been on and off (recently very on and off) dating a guy for over a year. He was the one who ended it first and it devastated me but we've gotten back together and then been on and off a lot since. I really am unhappy in the relationship but he won't let go of it even though we disagree on too important of things and fight a lot and I find him to be too controlling and we never have good conversations. I'm still really attached to him but I want to let go, and don't know how. He will keep texting me after we break up because he has before, and I'm ready for it to be done for good and don't know how to do this without a ton of drama involved. I feel bad because it's right before valentines day and his birthday but I can't keep going on like this. There is another guy who is just a friend right now but we plan on going to prom together later this year. I feel like my boyfriend will think I ended things with him for someone else which is not at all true. I just don't know what to do without having a huge blow up drama scene. I want to end things peacefully because I feel like we both know the relationship is dead and just can't let go for some reason. Please help!

[ThatwasThen]

Break up with him and then block and delete him from being able to reach you. If he doesn't leave you alone then go to your parents and tell them what he's doing and that he won't leave you alone. Get them involved.

 

If you don't wan "drama" then you make sure there is none by not engaging him in any manner. When you break up with him, tell him then and their not to contact you again and to please leave you alone as you'll be leaving him alone so he can get over you.

 

You waste good dating time messing with someone who you are not happy with and who you are breaking up and getting back together with. Stop It!

[mbee]

ThatWasThen said it perfectly.

 

The only thing I'd like to add is there is never a good time to let someone go and end things. There's always some event around the corner. It's always a bad time (holidays or birthday). Something crappy always happened recently (job loss, getting bad grades).

 

Don't let an upcoming prom stop you from ending things. If you do, you just end up waiting several months to break things off and that's time you can't get back. Let him go.

[Mischa234]

This is where I think tough love comes into play. You know the relationship is wrong, you don't want to be with him, and he's in denial and refusing the see that it needs to end because he still sees potential in the relationship. You are not going to get through to him by trying to reach a mutual agreement.

 

Some people just can't let go, and the best thing to do in those instances is to break it off suddenly, stop contact and block them from contacting you. You may have to change your number and avoid social media for some time. Make sure your friends and family know that you don't want him contacting you.

 

If you are going to end things, you need to be serious and committed to it, otherwise you both just end up hurting more. So pull the plug, be serious about it, and follow through on your actions - make sure you cover all bases so that he can't find a way to seep back into your life. I think you know how to do this, you are just scared of hurting him because you love him.

 

Ultimately, it's the best thing you can do for him because he obviously has trouble letting go. That's why I call it tough love.

 

I have had this done to me before, when I was dating someone and he suddenly dropped me - and then absolutely shut off and disappeared, blocked me etc when I tried to talk to him and get closure. I really hated him at first and I was shocked, but now I really appreciate it because it's the only way to fully get over someone and realise that it's done and time to move on. I definitely advocate this approach for anyone strong enough to implement it.