Is quantity/quality of sex and indicator of love?

[csdude55]

Excluding factors like medical conditions, inability to orgasm, etc...

 

Do you believe that the quantity and quality of sex with your partner is indicative of the love you feel for one another? Meaning, if you rarely have sex in a relationship, or you have sex and it's just not fun, do you consider that to be a symptom of other, bigger problems?

[annie24]

no, i don't think so. i think that the indicator of love is how happy the two people make each other. some people both have a low sex drive and might be happy doing it once a year. if that makes them happy so be it. conversely, having sex all the time doesn't mean that you have a deep and meaningful bond.

[katmarie]

I think a *change* in the quality or quantity of sex can be indicative. If you go from having sex every night to having sex once a month, yeah I would say that probably correlates to some relationship concerns. It at least raises some evaluation of the state of the relationship...

[mbee]

I don't think sex at all is an indicator of love. It's just sex. You can have an amazing sex life with someone and not be in love. Actually that's often something people get confused with... getting caught up in the lust and sexual side of things, not realizing that's not love. I think sex has more to do with overall compatibility than love.

[greta96]

One has nothing to do with the other.

I know couples who love each other dearly and who barely have sex, and we all know lots of f*ck buddies or FWB who have awesome sex, but the romantic feelings are just not there.

Also, sex within a relationship is always more frequent and exciting in the beginning, only to dwindle as the relationship progresses, even when the partners love each other and decide to spend the rest of their lives together.

I see zero connection between the quantity/quality of sex and love.

[SapphireNoir10]

No, in a relationship there are going to be times when one wants it more than the other.

 

I think it is important to have compatible sex drives. If one wants it loads all the time and the other isn't fussed on sex I don't see it working out. However due to stress/grief/pregnancy etc it's natural for peoples sex lives to fluctuate.

[Cadence44]

In some ways, yes. It's a piece of the overall health of the relationship. I think that a good relationship is going to have a sex life that is at least satisfactory to both partners, with both partners looking at it as an important way to stay close to one another. It doesn't mean the frequency will always be perfect for either partner, but that both will be willing to compromise.

 

I think if the sex is bad, or if one person's desire for sex is continually downplayed and not met, then it can justifiably poison other parts of the relationship.

 

What's the saying? Something like: If your sex life is good, it's a small piece of the relationship. If your sex life is bad, it's a huge piece of the relationship.

 

And, in the other direction, I don't think frequent passionate sex means the relationship is good, either. Plenty of dysfunction involves intense feelings of attraction, which can lead to hot sex. But if the foundation of the relationship is uncertainty and dysfunction, then the sex doesn't make up for the rest of it, and the relationship won't last, or will constantly be on/off, etc.

[Jvc21]

No, in a relationship there are going to be times when one wants it more than the other.

 

I think it is important to have compatible sex drives. If one wants it loads all the time and the other isn't fussed on sex I don't see it working out. However due to stress/grief/pregnancy etc it's natural for peoples sex lives to fluctuate.

 

I completely agree on this! Compatibility and Communication are definitely keys to any relationship!