What is he actually thinking?

[ThatGuy321]

Hi all. First ill start off by saying that there's this guy who i like, and ive told him recently that i do. I am gay, and he is either gay or bi. He's in my photography class in sixth form and ive known him since september. When i told him that i liked him(on chat, wasnt my preferred way but oh well), he said:

 

"Well that's cool. Obviously I don't know you a whole lot as of right now but we can chat about all this at some point

 

This made me think that he doesnt want anything right away, but he is interested. HOWEVER, when i asked if he was interested, he said:

 

"To be honest, I'm not particularly looking for anything at the moment for a few reasons. Weird family situations and crap kinda take up alot of my time, as well as school stuff."

 

So far, ive noticed a common denominator here- time. Right now, he doesnt know me very well, and doesnt want anything at the moment(fair enough). But i am wondering if there is a possibility that there might be more in the future. Do you think that i should play the waiting game, or should i move on? If there is a chance that he is interested, ill take it, but i dont think that there is a point of investing my time in something that wont be fruitful.

 

Thanks for reading the essay, and thanks in advance for replying

[mhowe]

He doesn't know you! Why not get to know him and figure it out once you do.

Btw...how do you know his sexual orientation?

[LC8328]

Hmm...honestly, if he were a nice guy, the type of guy that wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I would take that as a rejection. He's said he's not looking for anything, nor did he he leave an opening for potential dating (e.g. 'When things settle down I would like that').

 

That's just me, though. I could be wrong. Good luck.

[ParisPaulette]

I think you should move on. I've used similar responses before when guys would express an interest and I liked them enough to not want to hurt their feelings, especially if I didn't know them well enough to simply say, "No thanks, not interested," and possibly really crush someone, especially if I had to see them on a regular basis and didn't want them to feel uncomfortable around me. It's called diplomacy.

 

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that much like this guy will probably learn that to do so often gives the other party a false hope that a future anything is still possible. And it's not very likely going to happen at all. Forget him, focus on meeting someone else, leave his an a nice acquaintance. If he really had feelings for you he would have jumped at the chance the moment you told him. He's a good guy, so he's not going to be a jerk about it, but he's not interested.

[ThatGuy321]

Thanks for all of the replies everyone. I found out that he was gay when it was mentioned in a class conversation last week(he was there, it wasn't like its a rumor). It looks to me that karma has come for me this time, and ive become the rejectee instead of the rejector for once. Ive decided that i will move on, but try to keep him as a friend. However, even that seems too difficult, since we keep having awkward stares in lesson. Oh well, i caused this, so i guess i just have to deal with it until this all simmers down.

[looking4heaven]

You should wait for him

[ThatGuy321]

Do you think that'll work? He did say that "I don't know you a whole lot as of right now but we can chat about all this at some point". Does that mean that he might consider it in the future, and his later comment ("To be honest, I'm not particularly looking for anything at the moment for a few reasons. Weird family situations and crap kinda take up alot of my time, as well as school stuff.") was ONLY about the here and now? Or was that a way of completely shutting down the situation?(if so, that was poorly done).

 

This past week has been quite irritating since we've had more awkward stares than actual conversations, which is just making it hard to have a conversation, resulting in more awkward stares, thus repeating the cycle. This is what is making me think that it isnt possible.

 

Overall, theres two possibilities:

 

1. He isnt sexually attracted to me, meaning that NOTHING will happen WHATSOEVER.

 

2. He isnt CURRENTLY interested, but i could turn that around over time. I have been called attractive by both guys and girls before, but ive also gotten the odd 5/10 as well.

 

I think that if its down to long term persuasion, I could EASILY make it work. But if its not, then I might as well move on (which ive planned to do, but its not fruitful so far).

[mhowe]

I think you should move on. He knows you are interested and has rebuffed your advances as politely as possible.

[ThatGuy321]

I know, but why would he say "but we can chat about all this at some point if there was 0% chance of anything happening? I know he isnt currently interested- thats obvious. But I also think that there's potential, otherwise he wouldnt have said that. Think about it- would you have said that if you were in his position, but were not interested at all+ know that you will never be?

[mhowe]

Yes...because he doesn't know you at all and if most people cannot say just a direct "no" to others. If he reaches out...then respond. He was being gracious in his decline. Not interested.