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I [26F] broke up with a guy [32M] over a stupid reason and have major regrets

swimmergirl20

By swimmergirl20
in Dating Advice

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swimmergirl20 Rookie

swimmergirl20

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don't do it.

 

Well I already did.... I texted him "Hope you had a good trip back. Are you still interested in meeting up tomorrow?"

 

Honestly, I don't think I've been needy. I even told him that we were moving too fast when he wanted to be exclusive. I almost always let him text me and plan the dates. It was just this past incident where I got upset about the birthday thing. He texted me during his trip and I generally responded in a few words. I never texted him to ask how he was or anything that required a response. I think I have a right to know if we're meeting tomorrow, instead of leaving things up in the air. He was the one who said we should think about things while he's away and see how we feel.

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Rosti87 Contributor

Rosti87

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Well I already did.... I texted him "Hope you had a good trip back. Are you still interested in meeting up tomorrow?"

 

Honestly, I don't think I've been needy. I even told him that we were moving too fast when he wanted to be exclusive. I almost always let him text me and plan the dates. It was just this past incident where I got upset about the birthday thing. He texted me during his trip and I generally responded in a few words. I never texted him to ask how he was or anything that required a response. I think I have a right to know if we're meeting tomorrow, instead of leaving things up in the air. He was the one who said we should think about things while he's away and see how we feel.

 

We are talking about the here and now. Right NOW you are needy. You really don't have a right to anything to be frank. He owes you nothing considering he never comitted to the outing in the first place. It was your suggestion and like weathergirl stated, he never made an effort to lock it down.

 

Let me add that if he needed space to think it through and you are interrupting his time by forcing the issue he will cocoon even more.

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swimmergirl20 Rookie

swimmergirl20

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We are talking about the here and now. Right NOW you are needy. You really don't have a right to anything to be frank. He owes you nothing considering he never comitted to the outing in the first place. It was your suggestion and like weathergirl stated, he never made an effort to lock it down.

 

Let me add that if he needed space to think it through and you are interrupting his time by forcing the issue he will cocoon even more.

 

He still hasn't responded I don't understand... why can't he just send me a quick text saying "yes" or "no". I feel like he's leaving me hanging.

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weathergirl Rookie

weathergirl

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He still hasn't responded I don't understand... why can't he just send me a quick text saying "yes" or "no". I feel like he's leaving me hanging.

 

At this point, he is probably so turned off he doesn't want to communicate with you at all.

 

That said...it would have been nice if he texted back saying no...but do you REALLY need to hear it? He is not leaving you hanging... his non- response IS his response which is no. Why do you need for him to actually say it???

 

You broke up with him, remember? You guys are broken up...he doesn't owe you anything.

 

Against our advice, YOU have been chasing him, which rarely, if ever, gets the guy back.

 

So the fact that you are disappointed, frustrated, pissed that he is not responding the way you want him to is all on you swimmer and no one else.

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Rosti87 Contributor

Rosti87

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He still hasn't responded I don't understand... why can't he just send me a quick text saying "yes" or "no". I feel like he's leaving me hanging.

I'm afraid you will have to own this result. His texting back is his being polite. He does not show any interest. You can continue to text him but you are going to get the same results from him.... Nothing.

 

LET GO.

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weathergirl Rookie

weathergirl

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But seriously... do you really think my texting is what turned him off? if he really wanted to see me, he would've responded. My texting him didn't cause this. He wasn't interested but just wasn't going to let me know.

 

Does it matter? Who the hell knows why he is turned off...all that is important is that he IS and you need to accept that and move on.

 

And in the future, think twice before breaking up with with a guy...because if you did it on impulse and didn't mean it...it's gonna come back and bite you in the a$$!

 

And don't continue to chase guys who aren't displaying much interest in you. Total exercise in futility.

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swimmergirl20 Rookie

swimmergirl20

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Ok, I was ready to throw the towel in and then he responded:

 

Him: Thank you. I figure it makes more sense for us to speak on the phone first. And talk things through a bit.

 

Me: Sure, let me know when you want to talk.

 

 

So, I'm not sure if he's just being nice, messing with me, or what? I was completely ready for him to either ignore me or just say he's not interested. Not sure how to proceed....

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Rosti87 Contributor

Rosti87

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Ok, I was ready to throw the towel in and then he responded:

 

Him: Thank you. I figure it makes more sense for us to speak on the phone first. And talk things through a bit.

 

Me: Sure, let me know when you want to talk.

 

 

So, I'm not sure if he's just being nice, messing with me, or what? I was completely ready for him to either ignore me or just say he's not interested. Not sure how to proceed....

When he calls keep your expectations low. The fact he does not want to meet in person is a yellow flag in regards to his level of interest.

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swimmergirl20 Rookie

swimmergirl20

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I had sent him another text today: "If you're through, I completely understand. I assumed we'd talk when you got back...?"

 

Then he replied: I figure it makes more sense for us to speak on the phone first. And talk things through a bit.

 

 

I feel like if he wanted to break up with me he wouldn't be wasting his time on the phone? He'd probably just say he wasn't interested... right? He said 'talk things through'....

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swimmergirl20 Rookie

swimmergirl20

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Well I'd rather not talk to him if he's just going to dump me then, I'm assuming that's what's going to happen now that I think about it. But he did say "I figure it makes more sense for us to talk on the phone FIRST" like before we see each other in person again.

 

I would like to not talk to him if that's what he's planning to do. I'd rather just text him: "hey, I'd like to work things out and continue seeing you but if that's not in your plans then I don't think there's much reason for us to talk. Hope that makes sense."

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pippy longstocking Grand Master

pippy longstocking

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I would just simply let him call you and take it from there ... it all went wrong with assumptions to start with ..so you can;t assume anything more ..cos what this guy wants is becoming a mystery .. But if you start texting to pre dump the dumping when you dont know if there is one it is just going to make it all worse ...

 

so I would either end it now and walk away ......or see what he has to say when he calls .

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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He just got home from a trip. Let him catch his breath.

 

You're rushing to speculate based on YOUR calendar, but he's got one of his own. You're right in his face. Back off, and allow this to play out. You can't know what he wants until he tells you--and pressing him on that could change the outcome against your favor.

 

Breeeeathe.

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Rosti87 Contributor

Rosti87

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I dunno I am on the fence about that. Rosti?

 

On the one hand...it's probably what I would do...but then again maybe you should hear what he has to say....and if there is a chance you could talk it through and work it out. But not if he is still on tinder!

 

OP,

 

I personally think you should take the call and be brave. Let him express what he needs to express. If you were brave enough to break it off with him the first time you should be brave enough to hear what he has to say regardless the results. You seem to want closure and answers. The phone call may give you this. I think the nervous texting is just a lot of noise and as one other poster mentioned it devolves more than improves the situation.

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swimmergirl20 Rookie

swimmergirl20

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So it's now been about 4 hours with no response to "let me know when you want to talk." I'm just sitting around waiting and really confused if he wants to talk today, tomorrow, etc. It's definitely not a priority for him. He's been back in town for a couple days and active on instagram and facebook. I'm getting tired of waiting around... so frustrating.

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