Should I break off the friendship? Or try to make it work out?

[JuggernautJay]

I'll try and keep this short and snappy. I had a best friend that I grew up with for years. Now in early 2014 I discovered that her boyfriend had been cheating on her and told her. She refused to believe me, he denied it, accused me of trying to get involved and split them up and she told me never to speak to her again. Obviously I was devastated. She had been my best friend for around 6 years. We hung out all the time, would talk every day and we were just alike in every way. 9 Months passed and we had no contact. I ran into her at a party but she was with him and refused to talk to me. Eventually her birthday came so I just dropped her a text saying "Happy Birthday, hope you have a good day And she replied thanking me and asking how I'd been. We got talking again and eventually she re-added me on Facebook. But it felt different. She apologised to me for what had happened and I apologised to her for getting involved in her relationship. I thought our friendship would eventually be how it used to be but it wasn't. By this point she is now dating someone else, someone i absolutely cannot stand and he spent our school years with the bully group that taunted me in the earlier years.

 

But she is constantly going on about how perfect he is. And how he's amazing and it's literally all she can talk about. I've never mentioned how he was with me in school nor do I ever tell her what to do. But if I say anything at all about him, for example yesterday I asked her why his profile picture was him with a guitar when he can't actually play guitar? And she just flips out and gets dead defensive over him. Other than that, she never wants to hang out with me anymore unless he is there. And when he is there, they both spend the whole day taking the piss out of me. I've told her it bugs me and she just told me I'm being too sensitive, and I honestly feel like she's just using me for the sake of having a friend. She will pop up to me on Facebook when he's not online and be constantly talking to me and get annoyed if I take more than a minute to reply, but then when her boyfriend logs in she will just completely ignore my messages until he's gone, in which case she will carry on talking to me. I used to love speaking to her as we had so much in common and we were just great friends, but nowadays, spending time with her feels like a chore. I really miss how we used to be and miss the old days, do you think there will ever be a chance over time that those days will come back? Or would it be best just to end the friendship now? And if I should end it shuld I just gradually break it off or tell her that I no longer wish to be friends?

 

Ok, this came out longer than I thought. Sorry about that, all answers are appreciated and I say thank you in advance

[Alittlelost]

It's really up to you. My ex-friend is marrying a guy who's cheated on her (two that I know about). We fell out when I told her. We tried to repair the damage but it never worked. Personally I think it's because she knows I know. If that makes sense. He's perfect and wonderful apparently and I remind her that he's not. I tried to be there for her. I took everybodies advice. She'll come round. She will need a friend etc. But I decided it wasn't worth it. She stopped being a friend and we both got busy. I don't have time to maintain this friendship. Will I be friend if she needs it? Im not sure. I'd like to think so but she's accused me of a lot of things. Id been happily dating my OH for 5 years when they met and she told everybody Id cheated at one point and I was displacing blame. She also said I just wanted attention. The only people I ever told about his cheating was my OH, her and when we fell out one friend about what I knew. That one friend has also seen him with another women.

She's picked her own path.

[mhowe]

The friendship will never be the same and she has now shown 2x that she values her current boy friend over time with you.

 

Some friendships last a lifetime...most don't. If it feels like a chore...fade out.

[ParisPaulette]

Friendships, like everything else, sometimes have a shelf life and/or get damaged and can never really be repaired. I know you keep wanting to put the genie back in the bottle and have it all be like it was, but that's not going to happen. All you can do is lessen contact, focus on finding other friends, acknowledge that she chooses men you can't stand and will do so over you and any other friend.

 

That's her deal, not yours, but you shouldn't be putting up with it. Whether or not she says it she still has in the back of her head that you are out to scotch her relationships and will ignore all facts to the contrary. Unless you like being a yes person it's time to admit the friendship is over and to move on.

[greta96]

This exact same scenario happened to me with 2 of my ex friends (notice the "ex").

From my own experience, I can tell you that the friendship will never be the same. Even more, the girl was never a true friend to you, and her true colors are just showing through. If she was a good friend who trusted you, she would have appreciated the fact that you told her, and would have not doubted you for one second. But when "friends" start accusing you of being jealous of their relationships and of wanting to ruin them, when you're trying to help them and look out for them, that's a clear sign that they are not actually as good friends as you thought.

This girl is the type who will come begging you to hang out as soon as she gets dumped, then ignore you again when she has another boyfriend.

 

In my case, the first time this happened, her boyfriend actually started hitting on me. First I tried ignoring it, then I told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn't going to have any of that and that if he did it one more time, I'd tell her (I really didn't want to get involved, I kinda knew it wasn't going to end well for me), but when he didn't stop, I told her straight up. She hated me, accused me of everything your friend accused you of, and didn't believe me, thought I was making it up because I liked the guy! Through some strike of luck, the guy himself felt bad, got us together and admitted what he had done and that I wasn't to blame. Me and her rekindled our friendship, but it was always tense, and every time I'd meet a guy, she would make sure to flirt with him - until I had enough and dropped her like a hot potato.

 

The second time, with a different friend, the guy was obviously abusive and he was a pathological liar, and I found him on POF. I told her right away, she went online, saw him, but decided to keep dating him. Accused me of the same stuff, jealousy, wanting him for myself, etc, etc....eventually she stopped talking to me because she figured that as long as we were friends, he would automatically see me every now and then, and she didn't want him to look at me. So she pooped on our friendship instead. Of course she came back to me after he dumped her, I took her back...only for her to do the exact same thing with the next guy she met. I wasn't having that again...so I dropped her like a hot potato.

 

I hope you get my drift from these 2 stories. 1. The girl is not your friend (at least, not a good, reliable one) and 2. don't put up with it, because it won't get any better.