Cidmercury Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years.. When we fight he always says "I can't do this anymore" or something along those lines.. "I can't do this anymore with you" I've told him when he says that it comes off as if he's implying he can't do this relationship anymore.. He tells me he doesn't mean it like that he just means that he can't keep fighting.. We don't fight often, we bicker and have our moments but then he always says this.. Especially during our more "serious" fights I guess Do you think there is a double meaning to this regardless of him saying he just means he can't fight anymore.. Link to comment
mofobuziness Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 im sorry my boyfriend did this to me until I told him to stop. I think he doesn't mean to come off like he wants to leave you I think hes just tired of the little bickers and fighting. maybe tell him to not say it anymore during a fight or maybe you could say it and see his reaction. if its a bad reaction then that's what it means to him if he doesn't mind maybe its not a big deal. im sorry if that sounded stupid but its a good way to find out. im sorry I hope that helped.. Link to comment
Cidmercury Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Don't be sorry, I appreciate it I've told him how it makes me feel I've asked him not to say it but he still does. Sometimes when I say it back to him, his response it something like "fine, then don't" I'm not really sure what it means. Link to comment
mofobuziness Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 then reply fine I wont then walk away that's what I would do if hes being that mean I just walk away from the situation. is it every single time you fight? if so I think there maybe a controlling problem. pretend like it doesn't bother you at all. then maybe he'll realize you made a big deal about it and now your not and he will wonder why and maybe realize it doesn't get at you anymore maybe he will quit. or if he keeps doing it tell him what he says to you. if he wants to be that way to you then I suggest ignore it. it may actually get him to stop. hopefully soon because that's really hurtful. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Fighting and bickering are not good ways to communicate. if there's a problem why not gather your thoughts and calmly communicate to him? I only said "I can't do this anymore" once, to my ex during an argument, and that meant I wanted to break up. I suspect your bf is on the fence about breaking up, where every time you fight he feels like giving up on the relationship but once it's over, he's back to normal. All the more reason to try and communicate in a healthy way. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 It sounds like, "I can't do this 'right now,' I'm tapped out." Link to comment
mbee Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 It sounds like, "I can't do this 'right now,' I'm tapped out." I agree with this. Fighting takes a lot out of people. You are fighting, so is he. You both probably have unhealthy behaviors when fighting. I'm sure if he was on this thread he would be telling us why he feels like he can't do this anymore and I'm sure you are also doing something he'd love to walk away from. You can strive for your partner to be perfect and know what to do and not do, but there's a reason he hasn't stopped and I'm guessing it's because you BOTH don't communicate in a healthy way. You BOTH need to work on your communication. Instead of focusing on why he says that, try to be empathetic to how he feels, and actually work on something that will make you both happy... which is less fighting and healthy communication. If your partner is feeling so tapped out that his instinct is to say he can't do this, then he's unhappy about the fighting and the drama created by it. Be accountable for this and work together to create a healthier communication and a better relationship. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Can't tell if he means "can't do this - fighting or "can't do this - relationship. If someone has a pattern of pulling the break up card with out actually doing so it's emotionally manipulative. It is saying I will abandon you and the relationship if you don't stop. To not act on it is irresponsible. My ex h was always quick to pull the card. . for years he tried to frighten me back into submission and for the most part, effective. I only pulled the card one time - and I acted on it. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I don't think you are focused on the right thing here. I think you should be more concerned about the fact that he seems pretty fed up with the bickering versus his wording. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I don't think you are focused on the right thing here. I think you should be more concerned about the fact that he seems pretty fed up with the bickering versus his wording. I agree with MD. The question is, how much fighting and arguing is taking place. Are these disagreements being resolved in a manner that is acceptable for both people. Also, are these arguments about issues that threaten the integrity of the relationship, or over minor, petty things? Link to comment
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