Boyfriend keeps talking about his ex... should I be worried?

[Lovelavie]

I'm dating a guy who has been nothing but amazing to me. I got out of a relationship recently so I was really confused at first and I kept telling him I wanted nothing serious, but he didn't give up on me and I ended up falling for him. We get along really well, we went on trips together, he's introduced me to all of his friends and I've introduced him to mine. There's really nothing wrong with our relationship except for one point: he talks about his ex a lot. He had 3 Gfs in the past and the last one he said was the one that hurt him the most, however they broke up last year but he brings her up some times when he's telling a story and he calls her "ve" instead of Veronica, which is her name. I broke up with my ex two months ago and I bring him up very little and only when I'm telling a story in which he was involved, but I don't start a story ABOUT him nor do I call him by his nickname. Also, he gets really jealous when I talk about my ex and he's really insecure because he thinks I still have feelings for him (which I don't, he was a jerk to me and my feelings ended when I found out all the stuff he did to me).

 

Yesterday, we were at his house watching a movie, we were all cute and cuddly and a guy on the movie said "veronica" and he repeated it, I looked at him and said I can't believe it... I mean, I've talked to him about it about 3 or 4 times about how I don't like him talking about his ex and now he her name in the middle of the movie we were watching together... It turned me off completely, I just wanted to get up and leave and he said it didn't mean anything, that he likes me and only me, that I'm nicer, cuter, etc and that I shouldn't get mad at him but what is it worth saying nice things and doing nice things if you do stuff like this? He took forever to apologize and I told him it was really disrespectful of him and I'm tired of him bringing up his ex all the time and that if he still has feelings for her, I don't care, just don't get me involved in it since HE is the one who wants a relationship with me, HE is the one who asks me to be his GF all the time, He's the one who gets really jealous if I even talk to a guy (he's not aggressive, he's just really insecure with me).

 

Also, he has pictures of her on instagram. I too have pictures with my ex, but only the ones where we're with other people, the ones that were just me and him I deleted and he has some where it's just him and her. I know that he doesn't want to delete them because yesterday we were going through our instagrams looking at pictures that we wanted to delete and he deleted a random pic but didn't delete the ones with his ex and ones with random girls. Some were just friends but some I'm sure he hooked up with. He hasn't posted one picture of me and him yet he has pictures with a bunch of girls... which kind of upsets me because he loves taking pictures and posting them yet he hasn't even asked to take a picture with me. I feel like he doesn't want to post them because he's afraid his ex will see he is in a relationship, I don't know..

 

I really like him, and I'm not jealous of him at all, but this thing with the ex and stuff make me really insecure and kind of turns me off a bit. I understand she was a part of his life and all but is it really necessary to have her pictures there?

[aconfuseddude]

As a man who's been cheated on and had his heart broken, I'll tell you it takes a long time to get over that type of hurt. In addition, it absolutely creates insecurity in future relationships because you don't ever want to feel that kind of pain again. It's not easy for the person or their future partners, and it takes a lot of work from both parties.

 

That said, it sounds like you've been very patient with him, so kudos to you. Have you tried having a serious sit-down conversation about your expectations and his? Too often, we (as a society) assume our partner either has the same exact expectations or simply knows what we're thinking. There's a lack of communication and we let things fester to the point where someone eventually blows up and/or overreacts.

 

Tell him it bothers you that he has pics of his ex. Tell him it bothers you that there are no pics of the two of you. Do it calmly and respectfully, and be prepared to discuss, not dictate. Compromise on the things that aren't deal breakers for you, but hold fast on the ones that are. If he truly cares for you and wants to make it work, he'll do the same.

[FreedomRing]

He's still emotionally invested in the ex. Throw this fish back..

[Lovelavie]

That's what I'm worried about, but if he's still emotionally invested in her then why would he insist on me. I've known him for a year and I know how he's like with other girls, he doesn't get emotionally attached easily and he doesn't do the stuff he's done for me, so I know for a fact that he likes me, I just don't understand why you would wanna get involved with someone if you still have feelings for someone else?

[CraigHowes]

Yea you started this relationship on no solid foundation you weren't ready to date and i think if your honest with yourself your still not ready. He came into your life to serve a purpose and that was to mask the pain of your ex and to the same extent his.

 

I'd advise ripping the band aid off and sticking to your original I'm not ready to date. Your looking over these red flags because your comfortable and haven't had a chance to be alone and work on your relationship values and what you want.

 

Are you willing to be his emotional tampon or do you want a long last respecting relationship with a man who is ready and able to give you one?

[Lovelavie]

I really like him though. I've never had a guy treat me as well as he does. Seriously. He does for everything for me.

 

I want to be with him so bad, I have so much fun with him and as weird as it sounds, he has everything I wanted in a guy. My ex was really selfish and didn't give me much attention and I've always wanted a guy who is more to the clingy side than being too detached from me.

 

I just want to sit down with and tell him to be honest with me, I don't want to get in a fight with him, but this keeps is bothering me. Every time I talk about it he doesn't really take me seriously and tells me it means nothing but he never really told me what happened between them and I just want to understand what goes on in his mind because I don't want to get hurt or anything.

[WithLove]

That's what I'm worried about, but if he's still emotionally invested in her then why would he insist on me. I've known him for a year and I know how he's like with other girls, he doesn't get emotionally attached easily and he doesn't do the stuff he's done for me, so I know for a fact that he likes me, I just don't understand why you would wanna get involved with someone if you still have feelings for someone else?

 

 

Because he is still emotionally invested in his ex but also genuinely likes/loves you, so he's keeping her in range in case things don't work out with you.

[Lovelavie]

Yeah, you have a point.

 

But I just wonder.. will he ever get over his ex then? I mean, a year and a half is a long time, and when you find someone you really like and makes you truly happy you end up getting over that person. I care about my exes, but I have no feelings for them, especially because of time and because I found someone who makes me feel much better than they ever did! And they did hurt me a lot...

[HeartGoesOn]

Yea you started this relationship on no solid foundation you weren't ready to date and i think if your honest with yourself your still not ready. He came into your life to serve a purpose and that was to mask the pain of your ex and to the same extent his.

 

I'd advise ripping the band aid off and sticking to your original I'm not ready to date. Your looking over these red flags because your comfortable and haven't had a chance to be alone and work on your relationship values and what you want.

 

Are you willing to be his emotional tampon or do you want a long last respecting relationship with a man who is ready and able to give you one?

 

Agreed. Spot on!

[CraigHowes]

Yeah, you have a point.

 

But I just wonder.. will he ever get over his ex then? I mean, a year and a half is a long time, and when you find someone you really like and makes you truly happy you end up getting over that person. I care about my exes, but I have no feelings for them, especially because of time and because I found someone who makes me feel much better than they ever did! And they did hurt me a lot...

 

When we get into relationships we try leave the majority of our baggage and past at the door. What your doing is playing pass the parcel with your baggage.

 

Let me put this to you if he always talks about and looks at his exs pics, is he even that happy with you?

 

You need to bring it up with him and say if you want to be with me then you need to let go of your ex and that means stop talking about her and remove her from social media. This isn't controlling this is about having boundaries and self respect in a relationship.

 

Seriously take a long hard look at your situation and take off the woolen glasses of oh we are so happy together, he is amazing.

 

If you were that happy this post wouldn't exist.

[WithLove]

When we get into relationships we try leave the majority of our baggage and past at the door. What your doing is playing pass the parcel with your baggage.

 

Let me put this to you if he always talks about and looks at his exs pics, is he even that happy with you?

 

You need to bring it up with him and say if you want to be with me then you need to let go of your ex and that means stop talking about her and remove her from social media. This isn't controlling this is about having boundaries and self respect in a relationship.

 

Seriously take a long hard look at your situation and take off the woolen glasses of oh we are so happy together, he is amazing.

 

If you were that happy this post wouldn't exist.

 

Exactly. It's about trust and respect. I'm struggling with this too. In the end, you may have to accept that this is something he doesn't want to change. And it could be totally platonic. But you'll have to decide if you can handle him being friends with exes. Time will tell if you aren't.