Finding out Ex likes someone else. How do I deal with it?

[JackJackxD]

It is nearly 3 months since our break up from a 2.5 years relationship. I am not over the break-up yet, but was in the process of healing. However, I just found out that my Ex has a crush on one of our mutual friends in Uni. I am just overwhelmed by all sort of emotions, how do I deal with it? I still have feelings for my Ex, and I feel jealous, upset, angry, scared after hearing that my Ex is interested in someone else. What can I do to deal with this?

[mhowe]

It was bound to happen at some point. It is part of life. Just keep moving on.

[JackJackxD]

I just didn't expect it to happen so soon, especially when I have barely started healing. It has only been 3 months and she is already interested in someone else, knowing this hurts me a lot. I've tried burying myself with work, but it doesn't get it out of my head.

[Twidom]

First you should cut any sort of contact with your ex. Mutual friends? Ask them to stop talking about him/her. Facebook? Block him/her.

 

Since the damage is done, there is nothing you can do at the moment... You just have to deal with it. Avoid future scars.

[JackJackxD]

I guess I was asking for it this time. I stalked her Facebook and saw some comments which clearly indicates that she is interested in someone else. If it was someone I didn't know it would be better, but it is someone from the same University course. Just imagine if they started dating, I would have to see them together everyday and it would be impossible to avoid getting hurt.

[Scoe141]

I guess I was asking for it this time. I stalked her Facebook and saw some comments which clearly indicates that she is interested in someone else. If it was someone I didn't know it would be better, but it is someone from the same University course. Just imagine if they started dating, I would have to see them together everyday and it would be impossible to avoid getting hurt.

 

Ughh... curiosity.... we've all been there. It's time you change that channel. When you begin to think of her, immediately switch to something else. You will get through this, but it's going to take longer if you're peeping her FB page and talking to mutual friends. Cut all cords!

 

Good luck!

[sadchick83]

If it was mentioned on FB, she ( I assume its a she) probably wanted you to see it, which is why you should not be snooping.

Who knows, she could be miserable? FB is full of fake happiness and BS. Just do yourself a favor and stop looking.

[JackJackxD]

If it was mentioned on FB, she ( I assume its a she) probably wanted you to see it, which is why you should not be snooping.

Who knows, she could be miserable? FB is full of fake happiness and BS. Just do yourself a favor and stop looking.

 

Well it is a conversation between her and her friend. They were using code names and said "You know people who don't understand the code names have no frigging idea what we are talking about." The code names are so obvious that I am 100% certain. I don't think she is miserable, she seems to be getting on just fine in real life. To be honest I was getting on just fine until I saw her conversations. I guess my curiosity got the worst of me.

 

It is 3 am right now and I still cannot stop picturing the two of them together and I keep re-reading her conversations with her friend.

[Twidom]

Well it is a conversation between her and her friend. They were using code names and said "You know people who don't understand the code names have no frigging idea what we are talking about." The code names are so obvious that I am 100% certain. I don't think she is miserable, she seems to be getting on just fine in real life. To be honest I was getting on just fine until I saw her conversations. I guess my curiosity got the worst of me.

 

It is 3 am right now and I still cannot stop picturing the two of them together and I keep re-reading her conversations with her friend.

 

Facebook is a real poison. It's harder to deal with breakups nowadays than it was 20 years ago thanks to the internet and modern stuff like that.

 

Tell me, would you post on facebook things like "Damn I'm so miserable. I wish I could end my life right now"? Facebook is like a store. You just put your most shiny and expensive items at the display screen.

 

I know you don't want to block and delete her. I did not want to at first. But it's for the best... Your best. It's been a year since my ex broke up with me. And it's been a year since I had any news on her. Is she with another guy? Probably yes. She's smart, fun and beautiful. Does it matter if she is? No, not really. But I don't want to know. Because it will affect only me.

 

You just got your fingers burned. Stop touching the frying pan. Next time could be worse.

[sadchick83]

Seriously??? She sounds so juvenile. Now I'm sure she wanted you to see it, and you fell for it. (Sorry, don't mean to be harsh here)

I've been there, trust me. An immature me would throw it right back at her. I once had my sister send me flowers at work for a week straight to get back at one of my office-ex's. One day she sent rare blue roses. He was almost in tears by the end of the week and finally approached me Friday eve. shaking!

 

It was my sister's idea BTW Maybe it is your ex's friend's idea. Regardless, women can be conniving. You've had a set back, so sit on your hands if you have to. Don't look!!!

[sadchick83]

 

You just got your fingers burned. Stop touching the frying pan. Next time could be worse.

 

I love this!

[JackJackxD]

I know, but the conversation between her and her friend seems so...casual. I know she is interested in him, but I'm not sure if he is interested in her. The guy prefers out-going girls who likes to have fun, but my Ex is the really traditional type. Kind of really strange to be honest since I didn't think the guy would be her type since he goes out partying/clubbing all the time, and is really lazy. He is basically very different from the type of guys she likes.

 

I can't block her on facebook, because we share mutual friends and see each other on nearly a daily basis. Would be really awkward and strange if I suddenly unfriended her. Last week I took a break from Uni and did not go in, and during the time off I rarely thought about her and just enjoyed the fun I was having. However, I don't have the privilege like you to not hear anything from my Ex, I am stuck with her for two more years. If she dates him then I will definitely see them together, and I will get hurt really badly. I cannot just suddenly cut off my feelings for her, so I don't know what exactly I can do. I'm scared.

[JackJackxD]

Seriously??? She sounds so juvenile. Now I'm sure she wanted you to see it, and you fell for it. (Sorry, don't mean to be harsh here)

I've been there, trust me. An immature me would throw it right back at her. I once had my sister send me flowers at work for a week straight to get back at one of my office-ex's. One day she sent rare blue roses. He was almost in tears by the end of the week and finally approached me Friday eve. shaking!

 

It was my sister's idea BTW Maybe it is your ex's friend's idea. Regardless, women can be conniving. You've had a set back, so sit on your hands if you have to. Don't look!!!

 

Well I doubt she even thought about me whilst commenting because she said something along the lines of how the guy likes another type of girls or the guy wants sex. And then she also said "I'm that outdated can of beans on the supermarket shelf that no one wantssssss >

[sadchick83]

I don't know, but if I was truly "traditional," I would not be broadcasting anything about myself or anyone's sexual preferences. Seems like she says the opposite of what she really feels...Just a thought.

[Twidom]

First off, stop caring about what your friends will think if you unfriend her. You guys broke up for christ sake.

 

You took a break and barely saw her. Nice. But you can't take a break forever. If you absolutely have no way out, as in you WILL see her inside University or College, then at least try to make it as painless as possible. By deleting her from facebook...

 

Second, she can be "conservative" now, but people change. I had female friends that were very conservative themselves. No casual sex outside relationships. No "random hookups". Then all of a sudden, they snapped. Started to "enjoy more life" as they told me. Started going out more, hooking up more, having sex outside relationships. Sometimes with random guys.

 

My point is, don't expect people to act a certain way... Always assume people can do anything at any given time. Right now you have a certain vision of her. That she is pure and won't do anything you don't expect to. But what if she does? What if she ends up having sex with this guy? You will feel much worse than you are right now.

 

As for her conversation with her friend. It was meant for you. It really was. You guys just broke up and they're "casually" talking in facebook about another guy? Please take her off the pedestal. She's no princess by any means.

 

But I can't stress this enough. Get rid of her facebook profile. It's impossible to quit something for good if every now and then you take a quick fix.

[JackJackxD]

I don't know, but if I was truly "traditional," I would not be broadcasting anything about myself or anyone's sexual preferences. Seems like she says the opposite of what she really feels...Just a thought.

 

Haha well instead saying it directly she is using code words. I don't know exactly what it means but it is along the lines of either "But the guy wants to have sex" or "But the guy likes girls with hot bodies". Then they went on to discuss the idea of "in order to happy in life we need to be needed / wanted by someone else"

[HeartGoesOn]

I can't block her on facebook, because we share mutual friends and see each other on nearly a daily basis. Would be really awkward and strange if I suddenly unfriended her.

 

Believe it or not, people were able to share mutual friends way before Facebook entered the scene. She made the choice to walk out of your life, therefore it no longer matters what she thinks. Also, ask yourself if you would honestly feel secure having her back in your life for the long term, after putting yourself through this agony.

[aripro411]

I'm in a same situation. My ex and I broke up about three months ago and I still achingly miss him. It seems as though he has interest in someone else, however. You just have to look at the situation from a more positive viewpoint (I know, it's easier said than done). No matter how hard it seems now, you will get over her eventually. The beauty of love is that humans have the capacity to love more than one person. Give it time, and you will organically find someone new. Dealing with the new void invested within your heart is not easy--trust me, I know. But life goes on, and so will your heart. Stay strong

[sadchick83]

"But the guy likes girls with hot bodies".

And the person she is talking to is supposed to say "but you do have a hot body." Talk about being a manipulator.

 

Personally, I would not take her off FB. I agree, it will make you look weak. Just control yourself, or take a FB vacation.

[JackJackxD]

First off, stop caring about what your friends.....

 

Yes, I missed out on a lot of lectures because of the break I took. However, during the break it felt so good having time alone because I found out that I was capable of enjoying myself without the company of my Ex. I guess I will unfollow her on Facebook so her posts won't show up on my wall anymore, I don't want to un-friend because it makes me look weak and also our mutual friends will probably be gossiping. I am still not sure if they meant it for me though. I mean, they did try to use code words to cover it up, its just that I've been with my Ex for long enough that I can de-code what they are saying! (I.e This guy has the surname Ly, and they replace his name with Lychee.) Its strange I know xD

 

I'm in a same situation. My ex and I broke up about three months ago...

I keep telling myself that things will be better, but it doesn't make me believe it. I have no one else I know whom I find attractive. I keep finding myself repeating the same thing of Thinking I'm over her -> Happy period -> Something happens and I am depressed -> Want her back -> Thinking I'm over her.

 

And the person she is talking to is supposed to say "but you do have a hot body." .

Haha yep! Her friend did say that. She said "You're available, you're hawt, lychee cool and interested whyyyyy" (Lychee is code word for the guy she might be interested in btw).

[Agelas]

We can participate in other things, you can travel, you can exercise, or to relax and try not to think about him, asking him not to go to any message

[Nuby]

Accept it as it's inevitable however, I think in most cases there is an unwritten rule where friends are concerned, unless both ex's and the friend are 100% comfortable with it.

[sadchick83]

Haha yep! Her friend did say that. She said "You're available, you're hawt, lychee cool and interested whyyyyy" (Lychee is code word for the guy she might be interested in btw).

 

OK, how did I know that....She's a manipulator. Obviously she is getting desperate if she has to do this. Get over her and move on!