Gf of 9 years left me, moved away and started seeing a girl, how can I get her b

[Bc91]

This is a very important question to me so whomever can answer it I greatly appreciate it. I have been seeing this girl for the past 9 years, (our ninth anniversary was Aug 27 which we spent together) I surprised her by wearing my dress clothes that she loves and having a candle lit dinner ready for her when she got home sitting on the dinner table with her favourite wine in a glass. She is an UN medicated bipolar. We have had breaks throughout these nine years. At least 3 that were around 5 months each. My now ex girlfriend who also likes girls apparently left me to move to the island and be with her best friend who is a very skinny straight up lesbian. At first when we broke up I could tell she still loved me a lot and was just doing this "for now" because at the moment we BOTH kind of weren't in the best of states and she did tell me this wasn't forever the night before she left. Since she left I probably didn't make it any better I always emailed I told her I loved her and stuff and then one day she just said I don't want to be your friend or have any kind of relationship with you I'm happy like I've never been she gives me everything I deserve and stuff... I just know that I know her better than any other human on this earth and that's why I care about getting her back. Her new gf might be threatened by me so she influenced her to tell me that stuff so many variables.

 

How long do you think it will last? And do you think this is just another episode of possibly a bipolar made decision that she will come to grips with?

[mhowe]

Bipolar has nothing to do with bisexual.

I don't think there is anything you can do to get her back.

[Mischa234]

Unmedicated bipolar people are some of the least stable and predictable people in society. It could be a phase, or it could be a permanent change. Honestly, I wouldn't get hung up on it because you're just torturing yourself and letting her instability bring you down. There is absolutely no way any of us can tell you what she's going to do next, and I think you know that, but you're probably hoping someone here will tell you what you want to hear.

 

Take responsibility for your feelings and your wellbeing and drop contact immediately. Go get counselling for yourself because you need help too... You sound like a massive enabler to her issues and co-dependent on her erratic behaviour so that you can be the caretaker and saviour in her life, "the one who knows her best" and it makes you feel needed. This is so incredibly unhealthy, it is called "co-dependency" where you both feed into each other's weaknesses - you get to be the "strong one" but you actually allow her to get away with bad behaviour so that you can be the "strong one" in the "weak one's" life.

 

If she does decide to come back, she needs to be medicated for both of your wellbeing. But I don't think it's good for either of you right now to be together, and that might be why she said what she said. If so, props to her because she's doing you a favour...

 

Sorry if this is harsh. You can't deal with this relationship on your own. Nobody should have to suffer like that.

[Bc91]

Deep down I know it's the best thing for me, I appreciate all of your responses there's just something about when someone leaves you. When she left me.. I knew it was coming just not that soon. We had a fight the night before and she was supposed to be leaving on the 24th of October and it was the night before the first. We completely made up and I told her I love her and that whatever it takes to make it work, I'm willing. We even had sex, I kinda thought we were fixing things or working on it at this point. The next morning she told me she was leaving, early. Last night during my episode she was planning to leave early and had it set up. She was going to leave and I was going to rent out our suite. The landlord said no, he rented to HER not to me. So in one day I lost my gf of almost a decade and lost my home all to surprise. It devastated me. I tried everything to get her to stay but obviously it just made it worse. I don't know how to talk about this to anybody so I joined this forum, and thank you guys for responding but God damn it I seriously can't help it I miss her so much.... Part of the reason I think that it's so hard to get over her is she is my first everything.

[Mischa234]

She may be important in your life, but she's completely screwed you over. I could say some pretty nasty things about a woman who does that to her long term partner, especially when he's begging for mercy. But truth is she can't help herself.

 

Do you have family and friends you can stay with for a while? Consider what you can do to take your mind off her for a while. Do you have any savings you could use to go travelling? That is the best thing for getting over someone.