Need help

[amunrah]

Hi

This is the individual post, I have just joined this forum.

First of all bit about myself, I am married for seven years and our first child is on the way. She is 33 weeks.

I am going through the worst phase of my life. This phase started longtime before my wife got pregnant.My work life is pathetic, this job sucks and my married life is becoming bad. I started seeking conselling. In a bit of desprartion I have done some silly thing which my wife does not know about it only my counsellor knows. At this moment my back is against wall and I feel I am getting chocked.

Our marriage life started with problems one after the another. I was not ready emotionally to marriage becuase I did not know what marriage is about. So I must have acted differently and honestly she suffered. She has changed down the line. She looks after securoty more than the love. I feel it. When we sit down to talk and try to sort it out we just blame each other and it ends up badly.

Lately I wanted to get some way out. I wanted to get to know somebody whom I can get some good time. I mean emotionally good time. I know I sound escapist, but trust me I badly need it. I have nothing to look for. Couple of days back we fought badly, very badly. Same things allegations. I said something to her which I should not have, I was angry very angry. She was crying all the time, I was in mess. We were in mess.

I subscribed to a web site where they bring people closer, when I wrote to somebody that I would like to have relationship just like that. She branded me I ampervert I do not look after my wife and all those things. I felt bad and then GUILT started hunting me down. It was hammering me,.I do not know when I laughed so heartiliy on any joke. Everything between me and my wife has boiled down to security. But I do not want to leave her.Why ?? some sayI shrewed not to leave but hey I am like that.

I do not know what to do,

[Birdman]

With everything that you are unhappy with it seems that you are searching for somthing to fill a void you have.

 

Also, have you tried marrage conselling or just concelling for yourself?

 

Relationships need to based on trust, so, this may not be a good time to tell her, maby in the presense of the marrage conseller(if he aggrees) you need to tell your wife whatever you did that you said you regret. Also, during a pregnance, women are usually more cranky. So, try to be understanding. Also, you two need to try to work out this problem BEFORE the baby is born. Because if you do separate(i am NOT sugjesting that you do) it should be done before the baby is a child who can be hurt by you seperating.

 

In closing, just try to remember why you married your wife. Remember when you looked into her eyes on your wedding day. Remember the spark that you had when you were newly weds. I bet that spark is still there, it is just covered with problems that have accumulated over the years. Good luck!

[amunrah]

Birdman

You're observation is absoluetly correct. I have to revive that feelings. As you said it must have covered with problems and hindrance. That is true she is the one and it is true she has gone through hell. Sometimes I have treated her badly unknowlingly and it may still haunt her.

I know I cannot stay without her she has become part me more of becuase we have gone through hell and still going and we seek in each other's comfort. She is stronger than me.

I am still trying to resurrect our feelings for each other.