quarter life crisis?

[Foz]

Dinner??

Ok unusual choice. I personally would not go to a restaurant with him for fear of bursting into tears and making a show of myself but if it is in his house and he is cooking for you then i would go and see what he has to say for himself.

Once again remember i am a sucker for torturing myself so i dont know is my advice the best.

[princess_fiona]

so should i offer we have dinner at his place?

 

 

but it's amazing how NC seems to work though.

 

thanks anyway foz!

[Foz]

well that is what i would do but i do know meeting up with my ex after a month and not getting the answers i wanted set me back and i had to do NC for quite a while after that to regain my composure again.

If you are prepared for the fact that he may say he is happy with is decision and can cope with it then go for it. If not do NC until you are stronger!

[princess_fiona]

he's saying that if i don't respond, he's gonna come find me = POTENTIAL STALKER??!

[Foz]

wow NC obviously makes him want to talk to you!!

[princess_fiona]

yeah, i must be experiencing the power and wonders of NC!

i think i'll only respond to him if he calls. don't want to reply by text.

and foz... thanks for being here for me.. you're like an angel

[princess_fiona]

hmm.. he wants to buy me dinner tonight.

someone please give me some advice as to whether it's best i meet him or not tonight. i really don't know what to do.

[Foz]

As i am now in a state of utter confusion thanks to all the renewed contact from the ex, i would advise to only meet him if you are strong enough. I understand you want answers from him but you may not hear what you want to hear and that is why you need to be strong.

if you are not ready for the worst case scenario then dont meet him yet and give it a bit more space!!

[princess_fiona]

i think i feel i'm strong enough... but i don't know if i want to see him right now. feel a bit weird that he thinks he can just crawl back into my life so easily... but i saw this coming. i mean, i still feel something strong inside me that i cannot explain that is still connected to him. it's strange, but it's like i know him and i are meant to be, but now is just the case where it's the right person but just the wrong timing. i always thought that the only way he can grow up to be a true man is by letting him be free and see that the grass is not greener on the other side.. and i had to make that sacrifice out of my love for him.

 

anyway, i'm still struggling to decide whether i will see him if he asks me out for dinner again.. because in a way, i'm afraid that i'm going to feel a stronger connection with him after i see him, which will make it difficult for me to move on. i just can't get over the thought that he left me for a girl that really isn't all that... and him coming back to me would have to be more than just a few text messages. don't u agree?

 

and i just don't understand why he's now saying he misses me afterall this time of not even being able to 'break up' with me in the first place. is he still confused? because surely, what's happening with his new gf if he's trying to ask me out for dinner and texting me he misses me? he doesn't even call to ask me out in person. and then when i don't reply to him. he texts me saying that i'm igoring him. so i told him straight that i'm just busy and not igoring him.

 

i think i should just keep with NC unless he initiates contact that i feel he has put more effort into. is that cool?

 

but NC surely does work. all of you should follow this. it really puts the ball back in your court.

 

let me know your views. thank you!

[princess_fiona]

after about a month and a half of NC....

 

he's now telling me he's made a big mistake.

 

how do i respond to this?

 

need advice please

[Foz]

Go meet him and talk to him. Find out why he thinks he has made a mistake and how does he plan on rectifying the mistake!!

 

Good luck!!

[princess_fiona]

Thank u foz!

He called me last night again but I missed his call

This was the second time I'd missed his call, so I decided to give him a call back for the first time since christmas.

He sounded quite happy to hear from me... and was so eager to hear things about me and what i've been upto. actually, he sounded almost too happy and interested in me that I found it strange.

He mentioned how he was thinking of turning up at my place to see me - so I told him to stop sending me messages as such if he wasn't even going to do it and he apologised.

Inside my head, I was wondering 'why the sudden interest in my life?', but kept my cool and just kept the conversation light n happy.

He kept saying he was alone, bored.. etc. but to be perfectly honest, I was quite happy with myself, so I let that show in our conversation.

after about 5mins of talking about how things were going good for me, I then said I had to go and he sounded quite bothered why I had to go so soon, but I just said that 'I gotta do what a beautiful girl's gotta do...' (I don't know why I said that but that's what came out of my mouth at the time )

Anyway, just as I was about to go he asks me out for dinner this week

So i asked what was so special about it that I have to look forward to. and he goes, 'it'll be nice to catch up and talk'.

I just said 'I'll think about it' and said goodnight and bye.

Then I got a text message saying that he'll see me this week. And I hadn't even accepted his offer yet??

I really have to figure out what I want because if it's the case where he wants me back, I don't know whether I want to accept him after all the hurt he's caused. And he doesn't even know I know about his affair so I am still confused as to what he's onto at the moment.

So as much as I want to talk to him face to face, I also don't want to have him get his way too easy.

Maybe I should meet him, hear what he has to say and then let him know he can't just expect to re-enter my life so easily after what he's done, or maybe I should not let him get his date with me so easy and let him fight his way back into my life if he wants to?

Gosh... it's so hard... Love has no straight answers

[Foz]

Maybe I should meet him, hear what he has to say and then let him know he can't just expect to re-enter my life so easily after what he's done,

 

well that is what i would do but i desparately want my ex back so much that i probably wouldnt even go there with the how do you expect to re-enter my life so easily bit, but that is me, pathetic, would take him back no matter how much he has hurt me!!

 

you sound a lot stronger than that. That is a good thing and probably far more attractive to you ex too!!

[princess_fiona]

stay strong Foz... any updates on your situation?

As for me, I couldn't make the date this week so i will see if I can meet him next week sometime.

[Foz]

wow, the difference between you and me is i would drop everything to meet him!!

My ex is out of the country until the 22nd of feb so i wont have any updates for you until after then!!

How can you stand the suspense of not seeing him until next week knowing that he misses you and thinks he made a mistake??

[princess_fiona]

hehe~ foz... i guess for the past few months i've been doing my best to move forward that meeting him now would mean taking a step back so i'm trying to work out what's for the best for both of us before i take that step back. i just want to make sure i'm not pulled onto another emotional roller coaster ride again.. even i'm surprised how i'm maintaining my strength here.

read the book 'Bonds that make us free' foz.. it has helped me a lot.

i'm thinking, maybe i should be honest with him and tell him i don't know what's best for us at the moment and ask for his view on this?

anybody have any advice?

[princess_fiona]

got a few more text messages

he seemed bothered that i was ignoring him, so i told him it's for the best just like he said a few months back

and then he replies that maybe he was wrong

maybe??! i'm confused now.

if he realises he's done wrong, shouldn't he just do whatever it takes to rectify the situation than just waiting for me to accept his dinner offer?

am i being too hard on myself by waiting for him to make that move to prove he's learnt from his mistake?

just want to understand what's going on.

he misses me and he's saying he's made big mistake but not doing much. seems like he's just expecting me to react to his messages and make it easy for him to see me by meeting him for dinner.

at least i thought that once the guy realises his mistake, he would run to where the girl is and turn up at her door step and beg for her forgiveness and declare his love for her - is this just a fantasy?

[princess_fiona]

i met him on valentines day and all my prayers have been answered.

 

it's true.. if it's meant to be, it'll be...

[Foz]

tell us more than that!!

What happened??

So are you officially back together??

How long was if off for??

And what alot of us want to know-how did you get him to come back??

[hunterboyhun]

i wish i'd read these posts before today. Princess Fiona, no way should you have gone to that dinner... you should have given him a serious dose of the silent treatment for a long time. that guy hasn't learnt a thing and he'll bail again one way or another. in less than 2-3 months you'll be back here PF saying how he's gone again.

 

i'm sorry if that sounds harsh and really, i probably would have done exactly the same myself. but really he sounds like he's trying to play you a bit.... oh so NOW he's crawling back because he's alone and bored. he needs someone to bolster his flagging ego and hey why not get in touch with PF again, she's always liked me.... she's reliable.

 

i truly pray that this guy has learned his lesson and treasures you and the relationship for the real gifts they are but my gut feeling is that he's no going to.

 

best luck.

[princess_fiona]

hi foz and everyone, it's been a while since i posted here and just popped by coz u were on my mind and thought i'd say hi. hope you're doing well. i havent forgotten how your support got me thru one of the hardest times of my life so far... i wanna say a big thanks to you. THANK YOU.

anyway, i have some great news to share with you... since valentine's day, me and my boy have been getting things back on track and things are definitely better now. we have been doing a lot of talking and have agreed to try and make our future better and let go of the past. i know some have shown different views on this saying how i may come back here in 2/3 months time sayin i'm back to square 0, but i believe in livin my life to the full without any regrets.. and i'm just thankful for each day, hour, minute and second i spend with the one i love. it's been just over 4 months since we got back together and it is truly a blessing that we both feel strong in our feelings again. ofcourse there are times when i'm reminded of the hurt i went through, but i don't want to dwell on the negative feelings anymore.. so we've both been making sure we spend a lot of quality time together to fill our lives with more positive feelings.

 

forgiving and understanding and maintaining my unconditional love was not an easy step to take, but it has brought me forward to a brighter light.. and i am happy i took that step.

 

who knows what tomorrow may bring, but one thing i know for sure is that i am a lot stronger, tougher and wiser in taking control of my own happiness - i think that's an important lesson i learnt... no-one else determines my happiness, but it's all down to myself... and how I maintain that happiness. and i'm a true believer in that whatever happens to you in life... it's always for the best - even in the darkest moments, there's always a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

 

love

 

princess fiona