Falling for my therapist?

[keeper_of_the_peace]

Okay, how do I say this? Let me just put it out there…I have feelings for my therapist. I have since the first time I spoke to her. I don't know if it's love, but I do know that there's more to it than me thinking she's a nice person. I think about her when we're not in session…a lot.

 

So I don't know what to do. Obviously, I'm not supposed to have a personal relationship with her, outside of the doctor-patient relationship. Besides that, I'm bi, and I think she's straight (I've never come out and asked her if she's attracted to women.). Also, although age doesn't matter, there is a significant amount of years between us…31.

 

So do I just go on with our sessions and say nothing. Or do I tell her how I feel and risk the chance of her telling me that she can no longer treat me? Am I wrong for feeling this way about her? I'm lost and confused! Can anyone please offer me their advice?

[annie24]

Oh goodness - sounds like you need a new therapist. If you're in therapy, you're not going to be getting your money's worth if you are attracted to your therapist and you're changing or editing your thoughts to get your therapist to like you. I'm sorry to say this, but there isn't a great chance of your therapist getting into a relationship with you for the following reasons:

 

1) It would be unprofessional to date a patient, even a former one. Serious ethics violations.

2) She's probably straight, as you say.

3) Age difference.

 

Regardless of whether you tell her your feelings, you should find someone that you aren't attracted to that you can share your feelings and problems openly with.

[Mentor]

Actually, this is a very common occurrence. Almost to be expected, I think. They are confident, capable role model type figures who are helping you out when you feel the most vulnerable. I have a crush on my therapist right now as well. I actually even became quite attached to my previous (male, and I'm straight!) therapist. More of a big brother thing there, but still a strong attachment.

 

Discuss it with your therapist. Trust me, she has heard it before It might even be connected in some way to why you are there. At any rate, it should not interfere with the therapy, so you should confront it face on.

[keeper_of_the_peace]

Both of your opinions have helped, so thanks for replying . A big part of me wants to just tell her and get it off my chest. I guess what's keeping me from doing that is the chance that she will completely reject me and tell me that she can no longer treat me. I would be devastated ...I still need to give this a lot of thought.

[mtastic]

I had a similar situation occur recently. I developed a small crush on my councilor as well. Like mentor said, I think alot of it is because this is someone who is caring and responsive and generally concerned at times when it seems like most other people aren't (it also doesn't help that my therapist is feaml, and fairly attractive). I've since gotten over the crush, realizing it was for the best, but it still does feel like a raher close relationship, as is expected with a therapist i guess, but more like she's a close friend or older sister. As far as you're situation, it depends on how strong the feelings you have for her are, if they start to interfere with your treatment (like you start withholding things from your therapist, perhaps even stuff related to the crush), i recommend you try to seek out another therapist. On the other hand, you might even consider bringing up the crush with her, i mean, if anyone can give you advice to get you through this situation, its her.

 

Hope that helped,

mtastic

[NotGay,Really]

Tell her.

 

The whole point about going to a therapist is to be able to share honestly with someone. And as has been said here, she has heard this before.

 

Tell her.