Found out things my bf has been doing during our time apart

[sweetsparkle]

I have found out some things my bf is doing during our time apart. First,

he is telling people that we are still together BUT we're just cooling down right now.

 

Second, I found out that he went to Shanghai for our mutual friend's brother's wedding and stayed there for two weeks. For those of you who are not familiar with what goes on for men in Shanghai, here goes: there are several different entertainment buildings in Shanghai designed especially for the male pleasure. You can reserve rooms to up to 4 hours with your friends and do things like sing karoake, drink, etc. Once the guys get there, a head mistress comes in and asks the men what kind of girls they prefer. They can say something like 5'7, full C cups, pretty face and this head mistress brings a selection of like 30 women to choose from. And these girls are gorgeous because mind you they come from all over China and China has a billion girls who are often mixed with a little bit of Russian. Anyway, these girls join the guys and drink and play with them, sometimes clothed in lingerie or nude.

 

So in a nutshell, my boyfriend has been doing this with his married friends in Shanghai for two weeks. I feel so betrayed! It's hard to talk to my friends who are from asia because this activity is part of the culture. I remember when I first moved to Taiwan with my boyfriend, his cousin and friends wanted to take him but I refused to let him go. We got in a huge fight because he said that if he didn't go, he would lose face with the guys. I got so mad. I let him go to strip clubs in the US occasionally but this is a whole different thing. These places have naked girls sitting next to your men talking to them and sometimes even making out with them.

 

Sorry for this long story. I don't know what to think. My friends expect him to contact me by the end of this week but at this point, I feel so betrayed that i want to jsut give up. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. During time apart, can these things happen?

[annie24]

If you do get back with him, and you wind up marrying him, could you ever really trust him?

[melrich]

Aren't you broken up with him? I don't get it.

[Raptor]

do you know for a fact that he did any of these things or are you assuming? If he did do this then you have every right to be mad but make sure you know that he participated in these events.

[FleX]

Well from a guys perspective he's certainly living up his life. You should to and find someone who give you the respect and time, things that most women deserve.

[sweetsparkle]

actually, we're not broken up. we're taking time apart. and during this time we are not supposed to contact each other.

 

and unfortunately men here in asia participate in those kinds of activities. and yes, i heard it from a mutual friend of ours who heard it from a friend who was there with my bf.

 

i'm so confused because there's this cultural clash i'm dealing with. my friends here are telling me that it's just part of the culture and that if i want to be with him then i need to accept this. but i didn't grow up here. i grew up in the US

[melrich]

You taking time apart and not supposed to contact each other and he is off living the life of a single man....sorry but you are broken up.

 

Either that or this guy has got a sweet deal where every time he wants to play being a single he takes time apart with no contact.

 

I think your ex has a completely different view of where your relationship is right now. I think you need to get on the same page as him.

[Amethyst]

actually, we're not broken up. we're taking time apart.

 

I hate to say this, but richgabe is right. Taking "time apart" (otherwise known as a break) is generally a euphemism for a break-up. If you aren't contacting each other at all, then you really can't call him your boyfriend. Sounds much more like he's now your ex.

 

That being said, please don't start taking the word of a friend who heard it from a friend. Have you ever played the "gossip" game? You start out whispering a phrase to someone and they whisper it to someone else. It gets passed through the group and then the last person in the group tells everyone the message. By the end of the game "my shirt is orange" has changed to "Megan ate an orange" -- completely different meaning. That's what happens when something gets passed from person to person.

[FleX]

Sorry Sweetsparkle but isn't taking taking time apart just an excuse to hold on to false hopes? In my eyes you two are broken up. You keep going on with the fact that it's accepteble for asian men to go to these nightclubs. That should be an insult to your womanhood. I am asian and I do not find that acceptable because it is my choice not to go to karaoke bars like this. To put blame on asian culture is one thing but to dismiss your EX-BF's actions is another.

[Foz]

I know you are angry about him going to these bars but there is no point saying it to him because he will say that you are on a break and it is none of your business what he is doing now..