Male dumpers out there?

[DaisyHope]

are there any male dumpers out there in their late 30s or just able to give insight on a few things for me by PM?

[chamachama]

Late 30s dumper here

[SooSad33]

lol @ those eyes..

[trust101]

Male dumper & dumpee. But not late 30s. What's your quandary anyway?

[DaisyHope]

Thanks for asking... but I've realised that the quandry is never going to be answered, so there's no point going in to it

I just want him back - that's clearly not going to happen, now or ever. I've accepted that. Now I just need to let go of what we were and what I thought we had for our future.

Urgh.

[trust101]

You can still try.

[DaisyHope]

I just don't think anyone is going to tell me what I want to hear because 1. Why should they and 2. The evidence of what has happened shows something wasn't working for him. Much as I want to change this there is little I can do. He's 38 I'm early 30s and he dumped me because he didn't want to take the next step with me even though I didn't consciously push or pressurise him on it. However something has happened to ma ke him go from me being his world to nfinishing it with me. It's not another person. And I know some of you will suggest it is. For whatever reason he doesn't want to be with me and I don't see how time and space will help him miss me or come back all its going to do is drive a wedge whilst both of us get stronger with out each other when we both know we were amazing together.

[Tanzi]

The evidence of what has happened shows something wasn't working for him. Much as I want to change this there is little I can do. He's 38 I'm early 30s and he dumped me because he didn't want to take the next step with me even though I didn't consciously push or pressurise him on it. However something has happened to ma ke him go from me being his world to nfinishing it with me. It's not another person. And I know some of you will suggest it is. For whatever reason he doesn't want to be with me and I don't see how time and space will help him miss me or come back all its going to do is drive a wedge whilst both of us get stronger with out each other when we both know we were amazing together.

 

It seems you already have grasped the reality of the situation … which is a good start.

 

Giving someone time and space isn't meant to be about giving them the opportunity to miss you, it is meant for YOU to heal. Yes, there's always a chance they may miss mean you, giving an added benefit to NC but there is no guarantee. If he doesn't miss you and he doesn't want to come back then you know it wasn't meant to be. Hopefully by the time you realise that you would have made significant steps forward anyway. Staying in contact for fear of driving a wedge between you won't change anything. The wedge is already there. If you do get stronger without each other then that is a good thing and remember … if he thought you were as amazing together as you do, he would still be with you right now. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I think that is something you need to keep in mind.

[DaisyHope]

I know and that's what makes me feel like a mug and embarrassed for thinking it myself and believing him when he told me. I just don't want to go on with this torment. I want my head to stop obsessing, my heart to stop hurting and the knots in my stomach to stop.

[Megs49]

DaisyHope,

 

Hey I just read this, and if you ever want another woman who is close in age to commiserate with or just to lend an ear, I would be glad to listen. I know how badly this hurts, I've been through something very similar. I'm here if you ever want to take me up on that. God Bless, and I hope you'll be okay.

[trust101]

People are still figuring out their lives in their 30s & well into their 40s. It seems like he is unsure of a couple of things, including being in a committed relationship with you. Just because you were amazing together doesn't mean all the other pieces in his life have fallen into place. Give it time. Let both of you grow stronger part & at your age I don't think it will cause a barricade between the two of you but blue is right, don't assume he will miss you because what if he never arrives at the realisation that you both are perfect for each other?

[DaisyHope]

I know and that's why I'm hurting so much more this weekend be cause I've realised he may not hAve felt the same way and if so won't miss me. I AM doing nc for me. Just that it's not helping. I know time will help but every day drags and even when I'm busy I feel miserable and think about him and this situation. Had you asked me this time a month ago this time a few weeks ago if id be here Id have laughed and friends and family even him would tell me not to be so silly.yet something flicked in his mind.

[Tanzi]

I know and that's what makes me feel like a mug and embarrassed for thinking it myself and believing him when he told me. I just don't want to go on with this torment. I want my head to stop obsessing, my heart to stop hurting and the knots in my stomach to stop.

 

You have no reason to feel like a mug. I'm sure he thought your relationship was amazing too but sometimes our feelings change towards someone and when that happens the relationship doesn't feel quite so amazing anymore. That doesn't mean that it was never a good relationship or that things weren't amazing for a time for him. It just didn't have the durability and that isn't anyone's fault.

[Tanzi]

I know and that's why I'm hurting so much more this weekend be cause I've realised he may not hAve felt the same way and if so won't miss me. I AM doing nc for me. Just that it's not helping. I know time will help but every day drags and even when I'm busy I feel miserable and think about him and this situation. Had you asked me this time a month ago this time a few weeks ago if id be here Id have laughed and friends and family even him would tell me not to be so silly.yet something flicked in his mind.

 

It's natural to feel like you are in limbo for a while. Our steps forward are so small to begin with we barely know we've made any. But each and every day is another day closer to reaching your final destination. You will get there but you just have to be patient. Keeping yourself busy helps.

 

HOw long were you together and how long have you been in NC?

[Clinton]

You've barely broken up. There are no miracle speedy cures. It will take time, maybe a year or so. But you will get over it if you let yourself.

 

So no more getting back together posts or asking male dumpers why and when and where and if.

 

Give up hope of reconciliation. Accept it takes time to heal.

[DaisyHope]

I'm sorry....what gives you the right to tell me not to make posts and asking for advice....that's what this website is for. Freedom of speech during a difficult time. I can take advice and harsh advice at that but being plain insensitive and rude isn't helpful or kind.

[Clinton]

You can post whatever you want to. It is indeed your right. But the subjects you are choosing are holding you back.

 

Because hes not coming back ever and no reason he gives you for the breakup will ever be satisfactory. You're just keeping the wound open right now.

 

I know what I'm talking about, I've been where you are now. It gets better, but not till you let go.

[Tanzi]

I'm sorry....what gives you the right to tell me not to make posts and asking for advice....that's what this website is for. Freedom of speech during a difficult time. I can take advice and harsh advice at that but being plain insensitive and rude isn't helpful or kind.

 

I think what clinton is saying is that maybe it would serve you better if you changed your mindset and started posting in the "Healing after break-up" section in order to seek support and advice on healing and moving on instead of posting in the "Getting back together" section, still seeking answers. No-one knows why your ex ended things or what the likelihood is that he will want to come back. Though statistically speaking, most don't. All we know is that it has happened and the only constructive advice we can give you is to respect his decision and start making real attempts to move forwards with your life. To do that you need to accept what IS and forget about the WHY'S.