Ending a friendship

[Sideways]

I have a friend who I haven't spoken to in a little over a year. We didn't talk for a while because things got complicated when I had feelings for him. He used to feel the same, but time got rid of that. Recently I responded back because he contacted me out of the blue. Not the wisest idea, but I get that we're both just curious how we're doing.

 

I've only had one experience before this where I stopped talking to a friend for a long time, but that was a grade school friend and nothing too serious. I just made the decision of ending that friendship for good.

 

My question is do I do the same thing? Am I wrong for what might be me repeating a similar situation? I'm considering it because he's the kind of person to still want to be in contact even if it's been years.

 

Last thing that kind of bothers me is I found out he is married now, but he hasn't told me that since we caught up. I get that we're not close anymore and I'm guessing he thinks it'll make me feel bad, but I'm surprised he still didn't mention it at all. That's a life changing event. Yes, it hurts, but it would've been nice to know it from himself rather than finding out from other friends. I'm sorry if this seems more like venting, but I was hoping for some advice.

[SooSad33]

"I'm considering it because he's the kind of person to still want to be in contact even if it's been years."

- I'd say consider being a 'friend' again, ONLY if those 'feelings' you had are gone now.

 

Whether he is involved/married, whatever. It's up to him to admit it to you, if he chooses.

 

So, can you handle this? That he's now married n moved on now.. etc? If so, i say why not give it a try..

[ParisPaulette]

I think you need to stay no contact. You sound like you still have feelings for him that are more than friendship or that could be easily rekindled. And he's married now, which is only going to hurt you if you redevelop those feelings.

 

Plus, it's highly suspicious that he's contacting you, but failing to tell you he's married. As much as I hate to say it that's a classic move when someone is having trouble with their marriage and go seeking consciously or unconsciously validation of their attractiveness by people they know were attracted to them previously. He may not even be aware of it, but it's still a rotten move nonetheless. If you still want answer him, just ask him, "Hey, how come you didn't tell me you were married? Congratulations."

 

Although personally this sounds like a bad idea all the way around.

[blueidealist24]

I wouldn't tell him point blank that you want to end the friendship, just don't answer his texts or whatever if you don't feel like it. Once your feelings have disappeared you may want to talk to him again someday.

[patterned]

I wouldn't make too much of it at this point. Play it by ear. It's been a little over a year.

[catfeeder]

If he were not married, you'd have some potential reason for wanting to explore your curiosity, but he IS married now. So what's left to find out--whether he's bored and willing to cross lines of disloyalty to his wife by flirting with an old flame? Skip that.

 

You don't need to make any dramatic statements--just ignore his messages and trust that he'll get the idea.

[Sideways]

Just to update, we had a long discussion. The friendship is over, but it ended peacefully. I admit there were still feelings on my side. I know I can get over it though. Thanks everyone for the input.