Why does Ex-GF act awkward around me?

[JackJackxD]

She was the one who broke up with me 1.5 months ago, and we were together for 2.5 years. She wasn't angry on the day we broke up, she seemed upset and she cried. It was a break up due to the fact that I kept repeating the same mistakes, and in the end she was disappointed to the point where she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. She told me she wanted to be friends and said she didn't want to reconcile when I asked her for another chance 4 days after the break up.

 

It has been 1.5 months now, and we see each other on almost a daily basis since we have the same university. Why does she seem so awkward around me? Like she avoids sitting next to me in lectures/tutorials. When me, her and 2 other friends go book a study room, she always leave the room with the other 2 friends when they all go to the toilet (maybe girls just like to flock to the toilets together? In situations where we are waiting to go into tutorials, she always tries to stand opposite to me rather than on the same side. In group conversations, she actively chips in even though when my questions aren't directed to her. An example would be me talking to this mutual friend about music, and I said "Oh you heard of this song? *hums the song*", and before my mutual friend can respond my Ex-GF says "I know this song too! Its from XXXX isn't it?" However, whenever I try to talk to her in group settings, she would talk to me really awkwardly, and she can't maintain eye contact.

 

So what on earth is going on? Is she feeling guilty? Or is she just uncomfortable having me around? She told me she has truly let go already and have no feelings for me anymore. If that is the case then why is she acting like this? Right now I'm making it clear that I don't want none of this awkward BS anymore by avoiding these group study situations. The first time I went to study on my own my Ex-GF asked our mutual friend why I didn't stay in the study room with them, but I told my friend to simply tell her that I want to study alone. I'm still have a lot of feelings for her, but if she is going to act all awkward/uncomfortable around me then I'd rather not be friends with her.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm going to be direct. Now that she has decided to be done with the relationship, she wants nothing to do with you at all. She doesn't want to chat and she doesn't want to be seen associating with you. She probably doesn't hate you, but now that she's not into you anymore, she wants to associate with everyone except for you. When you are the dumpee in the situation, it's an overwheliming sense of abadonment. The most comment question is "how can she be so cold to me?" It's a valid question, but it's also a reality that she wants to get away from you, while you just want to understand and still be friends. Even if she cried and said she wanted to be friends, now that the moment has past, she really doesn't. But she doesn't want to be enimies either. She did love you, she meant her words she said, but right now her actions are not in line with her words and she doesn't feel that way when she's cold.

 

Everyone here is going to tell you to go no contact. It's the only thing you can do to start to move past this. And the reason you should do NC is because right now there is nothing else you can do to better this situation. The more contact you have with her right now, the more she'll try to avoid that contact with you, and when she can't avoid it she'll get mean to drive you away. Your contact is pushing her away to the point she wants to do what it takes to get you away from your interest in her. The benefit of NC is it will give her time to do whatever she wants to do without you, while she doesn't know what it is you are doing without her. In her mind, her new ventures will be fun and interesting, and when she doesn't know what you are doing she is going to wonder if you are also having fun and intersting times without her. Even if you are sitting in your room missing her, it's very important you not let her see/know that. It's also important that you go out and do fun and interesting things without her so your friends see you aren't dependent on her for happiness and you are also living a happy life. In short, fake it until it becomes real. Moving on is the only thing that will get you to that point of loving life. Wondering about her will hold you back. But once you love life again without her, you'll become that man she once found charming, and you never know what could happen then.

[Tanzi]

So what on earth is going on? Is she feeling guilty? Or is she just uncomfortable having me around? She told me she has truly let go already and have no feelings for me anymore. If that is the case then why is she acting like this? Right now I'm making it clear that I don't want none of this awkward BS anymore by avoiding these group study situations. The first time I went to study on my own my Ex-GF asked our mutual friend why I didn't stay in the study room with them, but I told my friend to simply tell her that I want to study alone. I'm still have a lot of feelings for her, but if she is going to act all awkward/uncomfortable around me then I'd rather not be friends with her.

 

Look, she's dumped you .... it is only natural that she may feel a little awkward around you. Just because she ended the relationship, it doesn't mean she's a cold, wet fish who now can't feel any emotion at all. She could indeed be feeling guilty or uncomfortable but all the while she is telling you she is moving on then you have to accept that is exactly what she is doing. There is no point in assuming or hoping otherwise. When a relationship ends, it is best to put some distance between you to allow the emotional dust to settle. Right now she would probably prefer to be keeping her distance but because that isn't possible it is making her react somewhat awkwardly around you.

 

It is impossible for people to be friends when one still has feelings for the other. There are countless threads on here to back that up. It simply doesn't work. There is too much negative energy. However, in your situation, I understand it is impossible for you not to have contact. Therefore you just have to remain as civil as you can and not let her actions bother you. It doesn't mean she hates you. It doesn't mean she still has feelings for you. It simply means she is feeling awkward around you, especially in front of others who are aware of the situation.

[ForestofDreams]

What were the repeated behaviours you were doing that she said she couldn't accept? If this girl were me, and I were going out of my way to completely avoid someone, it would probably be because I don't feel comfortable around them anymore. OR if she's doing it in an obvious way that is really over the top she might just be trying to make you feel bad or get a reaction out of you. I honestly think she is trying to move on though.

[Navi]

Very sound advice here!!

[JackJackxD]

What were the repeated behaviours you were doing that she said she couldn't accept? If this girl were me, and I were going out of my way to completely avoid someone, it would probably be because I don't feel comfortable around them anymore. OR if she's doing it in an obvious way that is really over the top she might just be trying to make you feel bad or get a reaction out of you. I honestly think she is trying to move on though.

 

The repeated behaviour is that I do not think about her before I act. Mostly it is me hanging around my female friends, and I piggy-back them, let them put make-up on me as a joke. To her these behaviours aren't acceptable (asian cultures are more conservative I guess. I'm Asian too but I'm nowhere near traditional). We had an argument once over a year ago and "broke up" for a few days if you could call it that. She thought things were fine until I repeated the same mistake this year, and at this point she told me shes put her faith in me all this time and only end up with disappointment. She also told me that she was disappointed to the point where she has no feelings in me anymore. She cried a few times on the day she broken up with me, and that torn my heart apart seeing someone I love got hurt because of me. Since then I've been actively changing my lifestyle to show her that I am not the same person. Things like "responsibility", "maturity", "organisation" were raised too when shes broken up with me. We see each other on almost a daily basis due to University so I hoped that she would see my changes.

 

I don't really know anymore. She seems hot and cold sometimes. Like in group settings she actively joins in the conversations I've started even though I wasn't even directing the convos at her. However, when I respond to her it seems like she kind of retreats and talks a bit colder. Last week she was acting a bit hostile out of no where, but thats stopped now.According to our mutual friends, she still talks about the things me and her did in the past from time to time. And when I left the group to study alone she asked them where I went.