Navi

I go through periods of time where i feel positive and comfortable with this new direction and then periods like today where I'm overwhelmed by your loss. It actually PISSES me off that i'll always love/care about you. You shouldn't have contacted me, i still can't believe that. Honestly i don't even want your friendship at any point, why? we have too much of a history, too many intimate moments. I know i should be grateful that we shared something that only few people will get out of us but i'm not. In the end i couldn't even call you my friend. I love you but you f**ing suck, stay away

Your mom contacting me recently has put you back into my mind. I hope you're okay and i love you so much more than you'll ever know but remember when you said that i'm just like anyone else and that i'm not allowed to console you anymore because you don't need anyone? how i wish i could have thrown that at you when you contacted me for emotional support because life hasn't been what you thought it would be...

you caught me off guard Saturday night. I hope to god I'm wrong but i can't help but feel you're only checking to see if im still around. Last night i couldn't sleep because i was thinking about you and that hasn't happened in some time now. I hope you're okay and that you finished your semester strong! i have so many things i wan't to ask you and yes i miss you like crazy!! I miss everything about you, especially your sense of humor, you dork It hurts me not to reply to you but i have to look out for myself now. Love you, take care.

Thank you for the birthday wish, it meant a lot but guess what my friend made my day with her message not you. It hurt to read your message and know i wasn't going to reply. P.S there was no need to add, "i know you really don't want to hear from me" you know very well that isn't true. If you were fishing for a response I'm sorry to disappoint you. I adore you but i'm learning to love you a different way now. Take care

Found my old youtube account from 4 years ago and saw all my favorited videos from that night 4 years ago when we laid in bed and you showed me your favorite songs. One in particular was amy winehouse ''valerie'' i didnt have the heart to click on it. Next day driving to work it plays on my playlist...and i broke down.

last night i found one of your sweaters in my dresser and it didn't phase me at all. For the first time in 2 months i had complete control of my day from start to finish!!! I still love you deeply, but i'm through beating myself up for the ugly image you painted of me. We both had responsibility in what happened. My biggest regret was holding your hand through this break up but you live and learn. I seriously hope you aren't running away from your emotions like you always have, learn from this even if it takes you to some ugly places because you have a lot to work on yourself.

I hope your running over to peoples houses and need for sexual attention is just a phase. I can't afford to worry about you anymore but please take of yourself and remember the advice i gave you and all the talks we had! i think losing you as my best friend hurts more than losing your love. Take care...

Just over a month of NC...3 steps forward and 2 steps back.

3/4th week of NC. The time and distance has worked wonders in that it has given me clarity and peace of mind to some extent. This is complete NC, no texts, no calls, no social media. 4 weeks is nothing but its interesting how my mind views her as a total stranger already and what i long for is different from what i wanted when this first happened. Theres waves for sure, i go a few days feeling focused and motivated and other days like today where im just depressed and want so badly to just talk things out with her!! Oh well ill keep riding the waves...

@healingishard, Wow this one floored me. So on point with how i feel.

I thought i had individually replied to a posts a few pages back, sorry. I was wondering if i could get some help with my current situation. Its been a month since the break up, i made a few mistakes during the onset of it but nothing too major. I wont get into all the details but the situation im at now is as follows, i stopped initiating contact with her last week (she dumped me, 4 years together) and last thursday was the first full day we went without speaking to each other not just since the break up but in 4 years together. Anyways i had been writing in my journal and funny that thursday night i had felt that i gave myself my own closure by just being honest with myself and looking for the answers within me. Needless to say i was in a better place and didn't expect to hear much from her. Friday morning i wake up to see she called me and messaged me at 3 am, the text said, "this is the first time that neither of us has spoken to each other" no big deal right? except it was at 3 am..so i waited till i was at work to respond and felt like mentally i was in a better place so i handled it very maturely and i think she was surprised by my response. We had a nice convo and seemed to be on the same page for once since the breakup. I basically said i think its best i keep a healthy distance from that point onward and we talked a bit more overall it was good. She asked me how much time i needed before she gives me my things and i told her i don't need anytime so whenever shes ready and like that i didn't hear from her. Its now been 5 days of zero contact...we live close to each other and she goes to school down the street so i honestly thought she would drop the things off by now. Its not that i want them but my experience with her this last month has been so strange i don't know what to make of it. Sometimes its like she has a hard time letting the decision dawn on her other times shes had episodes of affection and what not very confusing. When she drops her guard i get bits n pieces of how she feels but overall i reached a point where i need to focus on me as much as i want and miss her and i regret not immediately going into NC after BU.

Ouch! brother, that is rough. I went through a very similar post break up. Truth is whether she admits it or not is that you're both having a hard time coping with this. She's obviously dealing with it a lot differently than you are but use the fact that you know her so well to your advantage. Just sit back and cut off all contact for your own sake. It's not going to be easy but you need to get your head straight and the effects of her decision need to fully dawn on her. You don't just get a 3 year relationship out of your system so easily, that goes for her as well. If for her at the moment of break up the bad out weighed the good and there was nothing to fix so she left then let that decision run its course. Keep your distance, call it NC but stick to it.

Hi, first let me thank everyone that has posted here. This thread has been incredibly insightful, and ive connected with bits and pieces of everyones story. Yours in particular since i am currently going through something similar. You know your partner better than anyone else so the behavior she is displaying may or may not be a facade she's put up to help her cope with this because believe it or not its a mess for both sides involved. I know its easier said than done but honestly the best thing to do is keep your distance. Emotions are high and these things come in phases for both of you. You don't necessarily owe her any explanations just pull back to give yourself some time to think clearly and let the decision fully weigh on her.