My Whole World Is Falling Apart Around Me

[mr sad]

they say " when it rains it pours", well its really pouring on me at the moment.

 

 

i had an argument with my boss at work and we are no longer on speaking terms.

 

the girl i like rejected me, we used to be such close friends. she said she wants to be "just friends", it doesnt feel like it tho. its like we're strangers now, we rarely talk, and when we do its only "hi" and "bye", i have destroyed a great friendship.

 

i have 2 true friends and very few friends. its not easy for me to make friends as im boring and have little in common with people.

 

a friend died a few days ago, i went to his funeral and im still not over it.

 

and to top it off my dad is divorcing my mum. to make it worse, my dad has been seeing someone for some time now. my mum doesnt know of this other woman.

 

 

i dont know where to start, or what i should do. i dont want to talk to the few friends i do have about these issues. they have helped me enough already, i would only burden them in asking them for more help.

 

im falling apart here, what should i do? i dont know what to, what would you do if you were me?

[k33]

Dude that just s*cks! I'm sorry you are getting hit with so much at once. I had a year like that last year... no way to sugar coat it, it blew. The only thing that worked for me was riding it out... It does mellow after awhile but the first few months just stink.

 

I'm still a bit shaky at times. But my best advice is be selfish, lean on your friends, do thing you have always wanted to do, but were afraid to do... I changed jobs and moved cities... And do all of these things for yourself and no one else.

 

Hope this helps.

[Jetta]

So sorry about the loss of your friend.

 

I know Divorce is hard on children of any age, and what your dad did to your mom hurts you both, but your parents are still your parents. At 19 it's really up to you to maintain relationships with them, so please forgive your dad and be there for your mom. It's really about them, and you're an adult now.

 

As for only having a few close friends. IMO there is nothing wrong with having only a few close friends. It doesn't mean you're boring, it doesn't mean much of anything other than you're probably not an outgoing person who claims everyone is your friend. I'd rather have 2 friends I could count on than 20 who ran for the hills when I needed them most.

[Blue Skittles]

I agree with jetta on this one - it is better to have a few close friends that are really good friends than a bunch who are not good friends at all.

 

definitely lean on your friends - you need someone - if they are great friends they will understand.

 

I had a friend who just went through a REALLY rough time herself - her aunt died, her boyfriend broke up with her, her car got towed, then she got in a car accident - all within the same month. She had the ability to just laugh it off. I don't know how she did that

 

It may seem like the end of the world right now but just keep on moving - do things to make YOURSELF feel better - treat yourself, it'll all mend over with time.

[Scout]

I'm very sorry to hear all this is happening to you at once. It's a lot to deal with.

 

However, you can handle it, if you just take a little time out to think objectively about some of this stuff. First, you gotta talk to your boss. Because at the end of the day, you need your job. Your work can be a foundation of stability throughout all this.

 

If I were you, I would talk to your boss ASAP and apologize profusely for getting into a heated argument with him/her. Be very honest and explain that a lot of things just happened at once in your life (leave out the part about the girl rejecting you). Explain your personal life has just been completely rocked, with the death of a close friend and your parents' imminent divorce. Make sure you say you're not using this as an excuse, because you never should have let your personal life interfere with your professional one, but that everything happened at once and you had a momentary lapse where you just lost it.

 

You have to do this, if you want to keep your job.

 

As for your parents, this is a very sticky situation. Do you feel you should tell your mom about this other woman? Because this little bit of information could sway the divorce court's decision on who gets what. You want your mom to get a fair deal, because she stuck to this marriage for a long time. She's not the one who cheated. I know that's a hard decision for you to make, but you can't run away from it. You need to decide if you think its best if she knows or not. She will know eventually, and if she finds out you knew all along, she will be very hurt.

 

I can't give you advice on the girl rejection, except to say I feel your pain. We've all been there. However, I would put this issue on the backburner for now, as you have more important things to deal with.

[thisisnotanexit]

along with everyone else, i too am very sorry you're dealing with this right now. you're right, i too believe that when it rains it pours. but hang in there, you can get through this. i've been there too. just stay strong and know that this slump will not last forever. you will be a stronger person because of it and will see the dark clouds lift one day soon. we're all here for you. be happy that you do have a few close friends, sometimes that's a lot more than i can say. lean on them, write, read, watch movie, listen to music, exercise, walk, talk to someone. these are all good ways to get through stressful times. just breathe, you can do it. i've been through a divorce and far too many deaths, so i can sorta understand what you're going through. if you ever want to talk, i'm here and so is everyon else. this too shall pass

[mr sad]

thank you all for your advice, it is much appreciated.

there are a few things that need clarifying tho.

 

firstly about my job. my job is in no threat at the moment. my boss cant fire me and she knows it. the thing was that an event occurred at work that was out of my power, i was told that the boss wasnt too happy about it. the next day i went into work. i went to apologise for this incident as i had been told that she wasnt happy about. she thought people had been gossiping about her behind her back and went off at me... we still arent talking, she seems happy enough and my job is not threatened.

 

next is the divorce. back in 1999 my father cheated on my mother. she had been crying for a week and i had no idea why. then one day i found out. the husband of the woman my dad was with beat my father to within an inch of his life, i was there with 5 other kids watching it powerless to do anything, something i will never forget. ... i was only 14.

so my mum kicked my dad out and they had been separated since. i dont know for how long but my dad has been seeing someone else and now he wants to "finalise this" by divorcing my mum. my dad left the papers under the door. that night my mum tried calling my dad for hours, but he wouldnt answer. now my dad is calling my mum and she refuses to answer the phone.

 

i see little things like this in my own relationships. i hate who i am, i can see why they have all failed. when i see things like this i think i reckon i should give up on the girl i like. i have few friends so then i think i shouldnt give up on her and just be a friend to her. we talk very little so it would be safe to say that i have lost a friend and i should let her go her own way. do the scars of broken friendships ever heal? this girl was special to me, i love her more then anyone (even my parents)

but i have only myself to blame.

 

i have lost people dear to me before, so i know the scars of a deceased friend will heal over time. just remember the good times : (

 

then to my friends. not something i like saying but i know its true. im insecure, nervous and unconfident. so you can see why i have few friends. people are uneasy around me, its easy to tell .. their body language just yells "i want to get away from you".

but the 2 true friends i have are great. its as tho they ignore these things about me. i have relied on them alot, many of you are saying that i should be greedy and rely on them now.

i cant, its just how i am. for my whole life i have put others ahead of myself. i would even give someone my last dollar if they asked for it.

i could sum up my life to date in just 4 words "well mannered door mat"

 

well thats what i thought would need clarifying, if you have anymore comments, questions, etc please dont hesitate to PM me.

any and all advice is deeply appreciated.

 

thank you all, you are making a difference

- mr sad

[thisisnotanexit]

hey, don't think of yourself as a doormat. caring about others is a quality few have these days. take that positive energy and do something with it. go out and join the peace corp., see the world. volunteer at some sort of charity. but don't forget, sometimes you do have to do things for you. don't be afraid to do things that make you happy sometimes. you're not a doormat, you sound like a wonderful person. i can see it, i just hope you can too. hang in there, you're going to be fine. we're all here for you. take care

[AN2004]

Its strange reading your post, as I seem to be in quite similar a situation. I feel like a ruined a great friendship by wanting to take it somewhere else, so thats all I think of. Your 'wellmannered doormat' comment is really what I think lately...I give and give and it doesnt seem like anyone wants to give back. The way I am getting through this is really taking advantage of the friends I have. I talk to them all the time about it, have them take me out etc, I feel like they are definitely helping. Also going and seeing a therapist really helps too. Finally the thing that helps too is knowing it wont last forever and you'll be happy again gets you through the day.

[mr sad]

well AN2004, we do differ here tho. you seem to be happy enough relying on your friends ... i dont. i feel as tho i have crossed the line lately, asking them for more help to me would be asking too much.

 

im not going to see a therapist. i dont need to go to someone and pay them a rediculous amount of money for them to tell me what i already know.

i know what my problems are:

- i lack self confidence

- poor self esteem

- poor communication skills

- have a sadistic approach to life

- etc

 

instead i have bought a book. this book is by Tony Robbins. i have taken a step to fixing my problems on my own. my friends have helped me enough, its time to be independent and go it on my own.

 

Finally AN2004 you said that

Finally the thing that helps too is knowing it wont last forever and you'll be happy again gets you through the day

i know it will pass, but here is where yours differs to mine. knowing that this slump will pass is not what gets me thru the days. but instead what brightened my days was seeing the smiling face of the girl i love... and after i blew that and ruined the friendship there were only dark days that seemed to get darker day by day.

[AN2004]

i know it will pass, but here is where yours differs to mine. knowing that this slump will pass is not what gets me thru the days. but instead what brightened my days was seeing the smiling face of the girl i love... and after i blew that and ruined the friendship there were only dark days that seemed to get darker day by day.

 

This is what my problem is to this day, that I ruined a friendship because I thought so much that this was the 'one' and I pressed on with those thooughts instead of just enjoying the friendship for what it was.

[Alabama]

Life can truly suck at times. Yet think of this...you are alive. And that is far better than being dead. Good luck!

[mr sad]

you do know that i can easily change that alabama : P

but i dont, for the reason that someone, maybe just one person might be sad if i was gone. i dont really know who it could be but its just one of those "what if questions" that boggles the mind.

 

ive had a few days away from my problems doing my own thing alone.

so i spose all i can do is do my own thing and read a book that has changed the lives of thousands ... maybe it will work for me, who knows....

[mr sad]

does anyone else have anything to add? forces and criticisms? ideas, etc....

[AN2004]

This kind of sucks, but what has got me going is just trying to depend on others too much..if they dont like it, screw it. I know you said you didnt have a lot of people to depend on, so I dont know how easy this will be. I just figure its time for me to take advantage of some other people...

[mr sad]

there are like 2-3 people that i do depend on, its not that they dont like me depending on them but me feeling as tho im doing it too much, like im becoming a continuing problem for them by depending on them as much as i have.

im not going to "take advantage" of other people as i dont know them well enough to confide in them and ask for help, they would most likely laugh about it and be of no assistance at all.

We all need to become self reliant, hence the reason why i bought the book. to "awaken the giant within".

its good so far, should give it or something similar a look