Newly "Separated" and hurting Day 1 of 60 day no contact

[newlifedaily]

Hello everyone, I am new here. I am very happy there is a break up forum available because I can't bring myself to leave the house yet. I actually have barely left the house in days.

 

I was recently dumped by my bf or three years. I have known him a lot longer than that, close to 10 years. He and I have been exclusive for 3 years, how ever were dating and getting to know each other for a long time prior.

 

This break up has opened my eyes a lot. I completely lost myself in my relationship and was fully absorbed into his life. Despite working toward my Master's degree, everything he had to do was always more important. He had this unbelievable ability to make every issue in our relationship out to be my fault.

 

You think I am exaggerating? Here is one. He met a woman and exchanged numbers with her. She had been to his home (had to hide her car in the garage so I would not know), and she had also been to his home for gatherings. These gatherings are ones that I was not allowed to attend. Supposedly he was spending time with his friends The woman began cyber stalking me and constantly contacting me under fake profiles. I approached him about the things she was saying and he denied, denied, denied. He eventually admitted to meeting her and having her come over but "nothing happened." I was so upset and hurt. Do you know what he said? It was MY fault. Do you know why he said that? Because I "went looking for something." He feels I should not have read the message. For some reason, he could not wrap his mind around the fact that there would be no message if he did not meet and see her.

 

I found myself constantly taking the blame for 9 out of 10 of our issues. But they were truly not my doing. I became weaker, and weaker, and weaker emotionally.

 

The one thing I regret about my relationship is not being a strong woman. I allowed myself to be somewhat manipulated. Even though I knew he would lie to my face, I felt like I wanted to believe his lie so bad. Yes, I regret being a weakling. That woman who wrote the book Why Men Marry es sure had it right. Those types of women get respect because they are strong. They do not tolerate BS. And I sat there, and I did.

 

Tomorrow will be 1 week that we have been a part. It ended badly. In the heat of an argument he left me. Mean words were said. I contacted him like a fool and apologized for the mean things I said. There is that nice girl again. He responded but did not apologize for his part. I was doing well. Until last night. I threw a complete fit via text message and I called 3 times. His friend made herself known again via a fake social media page. I am so tired of this woman harassing me. I asked him to please have her stop somehow. He ignored me.

 

He answered my last call and told me he was ignoring me because he has things to do. That hurt. I keep telling myself this woman is in my life because of him and he has things to do, wow. I hung up the phone and proceeded to send more texts a couple of hours later. This time it was my "Good bye" texts. I can't believe how low, and pathetic I can stoop when it comes to this man. He is much stronger emotionally, or he cares for me much less than I care for him. Because he can leave and not look back. He does not contact me when he leaves despite how much I hurt by it.

 

I have become needy, insecure, and a desperate woman to say the least. I do not like who I have become at all!!

 

My plan is to go NC to get over him and this relationship. I messed up badly last night by incessant calling and texting so this is Day 1 again of me. I plan on going 60 days. And let me tell you, I hope he contacts me for something because I want to ignore him like you would not believe!! I want him to feel a taste of what I have felt over the years, every time he has ignored me.

 

I will update this post as often as I can to inform others who may come accross this of how I am coping.

[catfeeder]

Good decision. Next step is to leave your house--for something, anything, even just a walk.

 

Head high.

[mg22]

Sounds like a great plan. Focus on your healing do whatever it takes to cut loose from that jerk. Block the other women from FB.

[Perfect Life]

for the first week, I was in a dark place too. Just spend the day crying, going through thoughts and memories, and all the plans we made, over in my head. This was the denial stage. How can someone give up? But once I had enough, I HAD to do something. I felt like several times I would lose it. I was close to crazy at times. Endless tears and sadness. Its like a death. How do you go on? Well, I typed it out like crazy on this forum. I didn't care that no one would read. I wanted to express what I was feeling, even if just for my own benefit. It worked. I fortunately had a lot of great people bring me up and explain what to expect and how to process this break up.

 

As I said, first step is to acknowledge its over. You have to accept that they will not come back. Even if they do, tell yourself they aren't. This is the only way. You don't want to hang on to a possibility that might never happen.

 

Second you need to get busy. Do WHATEVER it take to get out the house. Gym, store, movies, even just an aimless drive. Get out the house.

 

Then, find an activity to do with company, this will take a bit longer. I didn't want to see anyone, especially anyone who would mention him and make me remember the break up. But going to a friends house for coffee or just a girl talk helped. I had a lot of friends checking on me and it was so encouraging.

 

This will also allow you to learn to be independent again. Its the best thing I have done. I am 3 weeks post break up and I feel like I have made great progress. I rarely cry. I keep myself busy with my kids, and no longer wonder what he's up to. If he comes back, I don't know how I would approach it but I know I will not be waiting for him.

I still think of him throughout the day, but I no longer cry. I have a really horrible memory and I hope it helps me in this aspect. I don't want to think of the things I'll miss. I have also started to check out other men, not sure this is a good idea. But I wont be ready to date for a while. But I would have never even considered it before just a few days ago. It gets better. Move at a pace that is right for you.

Im not done, not by any means. I still sit and focus on things that were said or ways that he would make me feel good. But I don't get sad that he's not around. I can say it hit me really really hard the first two weeks. Then I made a decision on day 16 to not let it define me.

I hope I have helped a bit. Best of luck, OP