Emotional mess

[Perfect Life]

Ive said it before, there will be good days and there will be bad days. Today is a horrible day. day 16 of break up and I have broken NC a few times, He hasn't responded each time. Today I heard back. I asked him not to lie to himself or me and tell me if we had a chance of getting back together. He had said yes in the past, but today it was a flat no. Its what I needed to hear. I hate the confusion and the maybe. But as much as it hurt to know that he was done, its what's best for my progress. I wont break NC again. It's bad days like today that help me see that my "soul mate" my "true love" is not him. I deserve someone to move mountains and do what it takes to be with me. And why am I hurting, and crying for someone who is not crazy about me. It hurts, it really does, but as much as I tell myself that he is not being himself when he is so cold, I see why he does it and I have to learn to do it too. I care too much. I will have to learn not to. Today, is the start of a new me. A me who will not look back and say, "what if.. " I will need support. I will stay busy and I will motivate myself to move forward a little every day until I am ok.

[reinventmyself]

I am sorry you are hurting and as hard as it was to hear you now have some closure.

Today will definitely be a difficult day for you but I can't think of anything worse than limbo.

All the 'what if's' and bargaining. . Now you put all that energy into you.

Take care and be kind to yourself. .

[romantic83]

You know I have been reading your post..original one from 16 days ago...I think I started to believe that in life what HAS to Happen, happens...something meant to be, and something is not...Our problem and frustrations that we cannot accept it sometimes...things are not always logical, and life is CRAZY overall. I feel the same way...another break up, another emotional breakdown..Did i ask for it??? Absolutely, NOT...but it happened. I just accepted the situation and wait for healing. If we meant to be together after all, we will be together...Nobody knows what is good or bad for us...But without such experiences we cannot really appreciate ourselves as we should. I hate not having closure..I mean official one...but my ex is on dating site right now, and that hurts like a hell...but it is his business, and i cannot do anything about it. I even cannot think about dating someone else right now...it also shows me that he is desperate and is going to run into some mistakes..he doesn't realize it at this moment, but I am sure he will feel empty in a while. And if he decides to come back, which I doubt, I will be strong enough to say: NO and move on. Nothing lasts forever. People who cannot control their emotions always run into some very bad situations. I am glad I can vent out..it makes the healing process better.

[Perfect Life]

This forum as been a great help. Even when I know no one will read my post, I still post. I have to get it out. He knows he will not find another person to love/care for him the way I have and he is still willing to lose me. If someone can walk away from a blissful relationship where i couldn't have possible given more, then i have to let him leave. One day my all will be enough for someone. Today is the first day i start to build myself up. I can no longer allow myself linger in his line of sight and just wait for him to realize how wrong this is. i have to accept it and move forth. As hard and as opposite as it seems, I will force myself.

I do believe in love, i believe in romance, i believe in happiness. I had it all, and i lost it. I know time will allow the pain to subside and eventually love will find me again. Right now i cant imagine my life with someone else.

Romantic83, we will make it out of this dark place and we will believe in ourselves again. I get strength from the folks on this website and when I'm feeling strong i try to give it to someone else. Having your heart broken means you have been able to love someone. Opening our hearts again is inevitable. It will happen. Maybe not soon. We all heal at our own pace. But we will learn about this current heartache and take the lesson to our future relationships.

I am so grateful to my Ex, he really did a lot for me and my children. He loved unconditionally and he loved loud. I couldn't hate him. He was a gentleman and a provider. Later, in a few week, maybe even months, i'll let him know how much i appreciate all he did for us. For now, I think about my own well being and that of my children.

Thanks all for your support and your love. It really helps.

[Flyer79]

Hi Perfect life, I can totally relate to your situation. I cut off contact for 2 months completely with my ex and as hard and awful as it was (anxiety to name a few) it did help me. He then made the effort and contacted me and apologised. I haven't fully accepted his apology, I am waiting until we get to chat in person (which he suggested) to see where he is at with everything before I can fully accept his decision. At least you have final closure now and can heal and work on moving on. It is a long hard road, I didn't think it would be as hard as it has for me. (at just over 2 months now post break) I still care for him, he didn't do anything awful to me. Just circumstances were working against him.

 

Keep yourself busy, try new things. If it wasn't for my busy lifestyle, job and friends I would have been even worse than I have been. Give yourself something to focus on.

 

If need be see a therapist. In all my life I never thought I would ever see a therapist, but I did and it helped too.

 

Yes we all will get through this one way or another!

[Perfect Life]

Thank you Flyer79. As hard as I loved him, I think I'm doing pretty good. There are moments when I feel crazy, like I'm right on the edge and I'm about to have a breakdown. But I always shut that out. There are moments of clarity, such as today, when I'm feeling determined to get past this. I know its a rollercoaster, luckily I'm a good looking woman and I won't have trouble getting attention when I'm ready, however, I'm not ready for any of that yet. I want to put myself in check. I'm focused on job searching and I've always volunteered at my children's school. Mix a little gym into that schedule and I'll have no time to think of... Um, what's his name again? jk.

Today offered me closure and I'm so glad to have gotten it even if I don't ever understand his decision. Also the 2700 miles, and not being able to run into him around town will make it easier. Eventually, I'll delete messages and emails and be clear minded enough to get back into a dating life. ahhh it's crazy to even think of that, lol.

Thanks for your support Flyer79, its very appreciated.

[Flyer79]

My pleasure any time. Yes my ex is quite a distance from me also (over an hours drive) so it has helped that he isn't in my area all that often, although we do share mutual friends and he works in all areas at times. Hence his suggestion when he is 'next in the area' he wants to chat. No idea what about, perhaps will give me proper closure.

 

This forum has helped me so much though too!

[Perfect Life]

Well, I hope it goes well for you and you get the answers you need and deserve

 

And here's to a better life ahead for all the people hurting right now, including us!

[Flyer79]

For sure! Cheers to us !

[Perfect Life]

A couple of hours ago I untagged myself from all his posts of me on his facebook and I untagged him from all of his on my facebook. Its a small step, but it felt right. I deleted all his text. I never erased a single one until today. So, I guess he found out and deleted me as a whole. It burned a little and to be honest, I would have never done it because despite his cold demeanor, I still care enough to know he is okay. But it's for the best. It's his way to show he is serious, or maybe hurt that I removed the tags. Either way, band aid has been ripped off. I hope one day I find a man just like him, but with a lot more commitment to our relationship.

[Mfic99]

Don't mean to be an ass, but what were his reasons for leaving? Why is he so firm?

[Perfect Life]

Well, my friend. I hope you are ready for a long read.

He works as a contractor for the army, deployments and reassignments of location. Was reassigned to Georgia, where he is originally from. Left me in CA for his new reassignment. He is 4.5 hours away from family. He wanted us, my kids and I, to move to Georgia. Move was denied with the courts. So he asked his job to move him back to CA. The job agreed. There were gonna move him back to CA in January 2015, just 45 mins from me. Which is where I met him. Well eventually, I quit my job in hopes of moving and preparing for everything. Well, a little more than 2 weeks ago, he was visiting his parents 4.5 hours away from his house in GA and when he came back, he said he didn't want to move to CA, he wanted to be close to his family as his parents were aging, and he doesn't see us going any further. He also states that CA site is closing and it would mean he would have to eventually move again. Well, its been a roller coater since and at first he said yes, we could possibly be together one day, but today it was a flat no.

its been really hard. I'm left empty, without the man who did so much for me and my kids. They love him and talk about him all the time. Im trying hard to look for work. We really had a grand relationship, Flawless, we were friends and loved hard. but what is not meant to be mine, will need to be set free.