Best way and places to approach women? Serious confidence issue here.

[compwhiz345]

What is the best ways and locations to approach women that you might find attractive, but have not talked to yet? I been looking around for the longest time to find a way to get over my rejection/shyness/insecurity/confidence issue. I just turned 25 recently, and I haven't been in a relationship with anyone in 5 years, and I'm really starting to feel emasculate. Dating websites are crap, women barely respond to you, even if you match up close to 100%, so that's an bust. I find that I really want to know who I'm talking to, and online dating is the easy way out to working up the courage to talk to a girl, without the rejection part. I read a few studies that staid that, on average, it only takes about 2-3 seconds from the time you look at a person to determine whether you find them attractive. Mine goes a bit further, I look and find a person attractive, but instantly shut my down thinking "a girl that beautiful must have a boyfriend," or start worrying if I'll say something creepy or stupid because I fumble my words all the time when I'm under pressure around women.

 

Any normal, real-life conversation tips and ways to approach that aren't trying to be sold by some love/dating guru online? Also, i'm not sure what women are looking for in a conversation. It could be safe to say that I don't know how to talk to a woman, even if I got the chance. I usually try and lead of working on homework together with a woman, but if never goes anywhere after that. Being around people give me confidence, but moved to another state last year and I can't make any friends. So I'm in a stuck. I kind of lucked out in my first relationship of 3 years, and it's been downhill ever since then. I've been depressed ever since because I cannot seem to find my "groove" which has lead to constant irritability, mood swings, in some cases frustration as to what my problem is. Am I so far gone that I may have seriously damaged myself mentally?

 

I need some serious advice, I'm starting to fear that I may never find the courage to approach women and will end up alone most of my life, and that is so not what I want.

 

Thanks.

 

P.S. I have considered hypnotism to rid myself of self-confidence and courage issues.

[singleman]

You have to do some method acting..I am sure you do not have this problem with women you are not attracted to, Right? What you have to do is pretend, for now, that all women you meet are not out of your league, but rather are very average looking. This takes some self-hypnoses on your part but it will work...try it when you out at a restaurant (best place to do this initially) and the waitress is in your mind is attractive. I know you would normally be hesitant to start a conversation with her for fear she will go running but In this case she will respond to you (Its her job) all you need to do is start talking to her. Remember yoiu must see her as very average and not at all attractive to you...If you can do this (and you can), and do it over and over again you can move it to other locations stores, bars, dances, and soon the real you will be present to women you would otherwise be unwilling to approach...you get the point "I hope" now go out and do it?

[Clinton]

In talking to any woman, confidence is important. Even if you don't feel it, you have to portray a confident front. Other than that just be yourself.

 

And realize you'll get rejected. Dont take it personally, it's all part of the game.

 

If you like someone, chat them up and then ask them out for a coffee. It always worked for me

 

And the time it didn't, ok TIMES, I didn't take it personally. Because if romance was easy, we'd all be hooked up

 

Best of luck. It will happen eventually for you.

[LKDag]

I'm not sure where you live, but this is probably true for where ever you are: There's a pretty good chance that you will never meaningfully interact with this person ever again, assuming it's not someone you already know. If you approach someone, and they reject you, so what? There's no reason to feel shame, and since you're probably never going to see that person ever again. Why let it bring you down? Will it hurt the ego? A little, but think of it like this: no one succeeds at everything they do in life. So, don't let those rejections get to you, and since you'll probably never interact with that person, those rejections barely mean anything anyway.

[RandomOne]

I agree with Clinton: confidence is the key.

 

Work on your confidence issues: go the gym, pick up couple of books to develop your vocabulary, read newspapers to be up-to-date with the world and be able to jump in to a conversation and add something interesting, and etc.

Ask yourself a question: would you've dated yourself if your were a female? What wouldn't you've liked in current you? Right down these points and start working on them.

And do not get upset because of couple of rejections: different people- different preferences (don't take anything personally, just work on yourself and become the person whom is hard to say 'no').

[Sportster2005]

It's easiest to approach women when you are doing an activity that is shared and enjoyable. An after hours photography hobbyist course, a running club etc. Then you don't have to strain on what to talk about. The worst places are places where there are many distractions from competition. That's one reason meeting women in clubs and online sucks.

 

Cold approaching is difficult. If the woman isn't attracted to you, she will find you creepy. If she does find you attractive you have to:

1. Be interesting.

2. Be confident.

3. Find a balance between showing interest and coming on too strong.

4. Try not to let them see the terror in your eyes.

5. Get a number/email or date.

 

One of the best advice I've heard on cold approaching is to get in quick and get out quick. The longer you're there chatting the more chances you have to say something stupid. This is also a good idea for first meets.

 

Practice talking to people in general. You'll find what works for you and what doesn't. Keep it simple. Probably more important is just remember to relax and smile.

 

And lastly don't approach if they don't want to be approached. If they have head phones on. If they are reading. Watch body language. And pay attention to response. If they just not politely, move on. If it's simple one word answers just move on. And for gawds sake don't take it personal or as a rejection.

 

O.K. one last thing Here is my story of the perfect approach. I was in line for a coffee. There was a gentleman behind me. Behind him was an attractive female. The guy behind me asked if I would keep his place in line. I said sure. So now the women was directly behind me. I turned and smiled and said. "When he comes back let's pretend we've never seen him before". He face lit up and she chuckled. She said she was in and smiles. Then the guy came back in line and she flashed me a big smile. I paid for my coffee, waited for her to get hers. I stopped and asked her if she was drinking her coffee in or out. She joined me. We had a great time. Saw her a couple of times. It wasn't meant to be. But that is how I always try to cold approach. Relaxed, fun and keep it simple.