Is it me or him?

[anongirl123x]

So basically I've been with this guy for almost a year now. I'm 19 and he's 24. At first we saw each other 2-3 times a week for a few hours and after the academic year finished we went abroad together. He is the best I've ever had and my parents definitely approve of him. My last boyfriend cheated on me. Hes done very well in university and he works very hard. Everything has been wonderful up to the last 2-3 months, but since he started his 9-5 job it's like I don't exist anymore. His job is the most important thing to him now, and I don't know how to feel about it.

 

I don't have many friends, I say, one. I'm on a completely different wavelength to most people from my town and my age. He is my best friend.

 

Currently I feel like I'm making all the effort for him and I feel very unappreciated. A few months ago I deleted some messages off a person I have no idea is, never met, only a few texts speaking about an upcoming project. I didn't want him to get mad that I discussed it so I deleted it. He found out and called me a liar and every name under the sun. I know I was wrong, things are fixed but the cracks are still there. He's had a rocky past. Believe me when I say this guys, I'd never cheat and I have no heart for anybody else. Now I can't even text my best guy friend without feeling guilty with his little moods everytime I get a message of him.

 

Sometimes he will be very nasty to me and when I tell him that he's upset me, he will just say: Can't you take a joke you need to grow up. Whenever we argue he brings up the age gap and calls me a kid. He has left me alone to cry twice in a city that I don't know about 3 hours away from home, but always ends up coming back. I know he doesn't trust me. To the point that I don't feel comfortable adding boys on Facebook. Am I in a toxic relationship?

 

I have trust issues too. I overthink things and I know it's not great, but the thing is I never use to. He use to be fantastic, I felt his love, he cared, I was always first but now all he's very selfish. He knows that he doesn't treat me well enough but hasn't changed. He doesn't seem bothered that he might not see me for weeks, when before he hated even hours. He doesn't reply to texts but I see him online Facebook, when before we were on fire. He doesn't acknowledge any sweet things I say, when before I use to get paragraphs after paragraphs. I understand he is busy with work but where does he draw the line? He speaks about going abroad to work permanently but I don't feel in the equation. Am I holding him back? Even though when I ask he says of course. We have had alot of time together this summer, me staying with him in his new town, waiting for him to come home whilst I research, clean etc.

 

He's extremely short tempered and impatient. Whenever I try to speak about a problem, it will always be about him or if he's caused it, I'll end up apologising.

 

This is my first real relationship, maybe I'm just getting use to changes and I'm hoping things will get better when I go to university again. Then I will be occupied and I won't think about it as much.

 

I don't want to be the way I am. I miss happiness, not feeling worthless and unappreciated all the time. But I love this guy fiercely and I feel that life would be worse without him. When we are good, we are really good. I've seen the ugly side of him and I know that you should love every side of a person. I just want things to be back to how they were. Do all relationships get to this eventually, is it him or me? He doesn't believe in fighting for love/relationship/us. He thinks that it should just work with never a problem.

 

We will hopefully be living together in a years time. Only for a year though, his job will send him far away without doubt. I hope that things will get better.

 

I need your advice guys.

[ThatwasThen]

He sounds abusive and you've not given us much reason other then you're afraid to be alone and that you don't have any outside interests as to why you stay with him. How can you "love" someone that makes you feel "under appreciated and worthless." Those are two feelings one doesn't feel when they are loved back the way they love.

 

So; Why do you stay with him?