Poor communication - what to do? Am I overbearing?

[B733]

Here's the story.

 

My boyfriend and I are in a same-sex relationship. Neither of us are out. We've been together for nearly 2 months now. We are also long distance. He intends to move to my city soon.

 

Recently, I went over to his city and he stayed with me. We did things that we enjoyed and we both had a good time. That moment was also when our infatuation for each other evolved into love. The problem now is that we don't communicate very well. We can't use the phone in fear of our families being suspect. So, that really leaves text messaging being the only option. The problem is that his texts are sporadic and in total, we'd spent less than 5 minutes each day chatting with each other by text.

 

Although we're great in person, the lack of communication on his part makes me feel really unappreciated. Meanwhile, he would spend more time on a gay dating app chatting with others. He said that he has made friends through there. I trust him and I don't think twice about his intentions.

 

I'm not sure what to do. I've told him time and time again that I would like him to start a conversation here and there with me. And I've asked him to try and put away Grindr and speak with me a little more. He'd try and multitask by having Grindr and my messages open at the same time. But it's never worked. Waiting 15 minutes for a response each time kind of ruins the dynamics of the relationship.

 

I'm at a loss as to what to do. We love each other, and when we last met, we both realised that we want each other in our lives. But I just want some more input from him. He just doesn't get that... I don't want to come accross as overbearing, too.

[pinkelephant]

Texting conversation takes no time at all. He can put aside 15 minutes to talk to you, especially if it's your only mean of communicating. Honestly, as much as I want to support your relationship, I don't think it's going to work. Something is really fishy if he spends that much time on Grindr.

[B733]

Texting conversation takes no time at all. He can put aside 15 minutes to talk to you, especially if it's your only mean of communicating. Honestly, as much as I want to support your relationship, I don't think it's going to work. Something is really fishy if he spends that much time on Grindr.

 

Thanks for your reply. I agree, texting takes no time at all, and yet it seems as though he's too busy for that.

 

I was a bit suss about it at first, but I've grown to accept it. Honestly, I use it as well. I don't use it to hookup with people; rather, it's just to get in touch with the gay community. We're both in the closet, so I suppose an online app is the only way to get in touch with our larger community.

 

I'm conflicted in that when we spent time together, and when we slept together (nothing too physical or wild at this stage), we both realised that we want each other in our lives. He knows me and I know him kind of thing.

[Iggles]

If you're both on grindr then why doesn't he chat with you from within the app?

 

That's fishy if he doesn't want to switch over to text but he'll chat with other guys on the same app you are both members of!

 

How old are you guys? Why can't he get a burner phone if he's afraid of calling you on his main phone? Are you sure he's not married with kids or engaged to a woman? As an adult his family of origin shouldn't be so up in his business that he has to worry about them going through his call log!

[B733]

I'm kind of at a loss at the moment. I'm in a LDR and we have been together for 2 months now. This is a same-sex relationship.

 

When we're together in person, we're amazing. We understand each other, and we both came to the conclusion that we're each person's "one". I feel as though following our last meet, our relationship has evolved from infatuation to love.

 

One problem, however, is that when we're away, we're restricted to text message communication only. We can't use the phone in fear of our families listening in and sussing us out. We're both in the closet. That's something that I accept and need, at times. But when it comes to text, I find myself initiating conversation all the time. I'm the one asking how he's been doing and what he's up to. The questions aren't reciprocated to me. It's more of a situation where I ask the question and he would reply. No questions from him.

 

We have common interests - a lot, actually. But I find it really difficult to sustain a conversation with him by text because he would often show little interest in it. I don't want to come accross overbearing, nor do I want to monopolise his time. But in total, each day, we'd spent less than 10 minutes texting each other. I don't feel appreciated by this... I've spoken with him about it, and the communication has only improved marginally.

 

Recently, I was in hospital with a lifethreatening condition. He showed a lot of interest in how I was doing and texted whenever he could and said that during that time, he thought about me all the time. He had trouble sleeping, and whatnot.

 

What do I do?

[Capricorn3]

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