A very bizarre break up, not sure what to think

[nCPL]

My boyfriend and I broke up last week. We'd been together for 3 years and were very much in love throughout our entire relationship. We were each other's first serious relationship/love. We went through a lot together - me going to uni, him going travelling for 6 months, us travelling together for 3 months.

 

Our relationship broke down over the last 6 months because of a couple of things: the last and very stressful couple of months of my final year of uni, I was nearly sexually assaulted, and a car crash (not serious but shook me up a lot). All of this made me shut him out completely and neither of us really bothered to communicate. I recently found out that I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, and actually it was PTSD.

 

We tried breaking up twice within 2 months before but always found a reason to stay together. Last week I guess he had burnt the mental bridges and said that he was unhappy, our relationship wasn't the same anymore, and that he needed a new start with a couple of things in his life which included our relationship. He was devastated but at the same time I had no idea how unhappy he was. At the same time, I have many issues I need to resolve with myself and things that I need to work on. I don't want him to be unhappy, and equally, he can't make me happy if he's unhappy. We've decided to have no contact for a while and then try to be friends.

 

This is the plot twist: we're still crazy nuts about each other. We still love each other. We already know that that neither of those things are going to go away. When we were breaking up, we literally could not let go or keep our hands off of each other. One thing lead to another and we parted even more confused than when we started. He kept saying that this was so difficult and I knew that this wasn't easy for him. Everytime we decided to stay together it felt like the right thing had been done, now, I don't know what to think.

 

Another added problem is that we both work in the same place. We bump into each other a lot and it's not awkward, we say hi and smile, that's it. I don't want him to think that I'm avoiding him and I know he's not avoiding me either. For me this job is just money, but for him it's his career. It still isn't easy to see him though, equally I'm sure it's just as difficult for him.

 

I don't know what to think we have so much unfinished business.

[lerenard]

I think that people who love each other - support each other in hard, dramatic situations ESPECIALLY. If hard times make you fall apart, and you only go back to each other out of habit and simply for closure - this relationship is doomed.

Sure it will be hard for him to just erase three years of his life, and it will be hard for you as well. But best thing here will be to stick with no contact and allow the situation to cool off.

I honestly can`t see anything bizarre about this break-up, though. It sound really typical, I was there myself.

[catfeeder]

If this job is just money for you, it might help to focus on finding a new job that you can invest in learning. This will give you something tangible and productive to work on.

 

No breakup is easy, and nobody ever feels 'good' about them. Grief is natural, and my private goal would be to lean into it and allow time and distance to work it's healing magic rather than cut off this process just because it hurts.

 

It hurts now, but it would only hurt later. I'd take now and learn what I am capable of going solo. I'd trust that if the two of us are a 'meant to be' deal, I'd rather part while we both think highly of one another to preserve any potential of reuniting far in the future instead of ruining all of that by dragging out drama just because it hurts to part.

 

Head high, you can do this.