So my family has broken up...

[Ijustcant]

I don't really know why I am here, lonely I guess is the honest answer. I have just broken up with my partner, we have 3 kids together, 2 are mine 1 from a previous relationship. I guess I am finding it a bit tough, as you would expect I suppose, also feeling a little hard done by.. Why should the woman just assume the right to take the kids, I don't get that and don't think I ever will. How would they feel if it were the other way round?

 

I guess it is my fault, I should never of had kids with this woman, it was a whirlwind relationship but it wasn't long before I knew she probably wasn't the one for me. But by that time it was too late, she was pregnant and so I tried my best to stay and be there for my kids. My parents split when I was a lad and I know how that tore me up. I swore it would never happen to my kids but I guess life just repeats itself.

 

People say you shouldn't just stay together for the kids and I think they are probably right but I felt an obligation. It's not just so easy to say meh, it's not working so I'm out of here, leaving behind your new born. How can you do that...

 

But we have very different opinions, very different feelings on very important issues, I don't think they are reconcilable. To be honest I am an anarchist and she a statist, benefit taking, sit your kids infront of the TV kinda gal... I have read many studies on the harm TV can do to children and would just prefer not to risk it. I have read children under 3 should watch no TV at all! And I have to agree with it, there have been studies that show just 15 minutes will impede a childs concentration levels... Just 15 minutes... But she'll have them watch several films a day... My 2 year old will wake up and "wanna watch" it breaks my heart...

 

I know you'll only get one side of the story and all I can do is tell my truth, my "side". But she'll shout at them everyday, without fail, even my youngest, the 2 year old... It's horrid, real hatred, real anomosity. She'll even call him names, like "you little s**t!" etc... When I have to listen to this it just makes me disgusted with her and like her even less than I did the day before! He's 2 god damn it! But the hardest thing for me to understand is that he is just plain awesome! I know every parent will say this but he is, he just amazes me all the time! He uses the toilet by himself for example, gets on and everything, with no footstool, just holds the sink and wiggles himself on! It's incredible and made me smile just typing and thinking about it. He'll walk down the road and point to things he knows, "house" "car" "red" all sorts it's just mind boggling how you can call him names and shout at him every damn day!

 

Sure he can have his moments, I mean duh, he is 2 and trying to make sense of this crazy world we live in! Cut him a little slack, explain to him, show him a way to deal with it... But no, just scream and call him names! He screams back, too right, I would too! It's just not healthy and in no way is it the way I want to raise my children... And then I feel guilty because this person can just assume responsibilty and take them... Why? Because she takes the child support, I mean come on! Yes I can fight it, I can go to court and it'll all be hearsay and the woman wins, bleh...

 

Feel helpless, feel I have let my kids down... My daughter seems very upset with me, it just breaks my heart, I named her hope because that is what she is to me, hope that things can be better... I know she is confused and lashing out at me and of course I'd never hold that against her. Shes young too, about to turn 5...

 

Now look I won't say I am perfect, I have gotten angry and shouted myself, out of frustration with their mother and I feel bad about that. It's why I just cant do it any more... These last few days have been the final straw... We fell on some hard times as many families do, I was working my hardest to put us straight again... Working all night, I'm a budding software developer so I am learning at the same time, I put every hour I can into it so that I can give my kids a better future... She'll tell the kids I don't want them, that's why I am sat at the computer all day and night... Just insane... She has never really worked, always government handouts, although to me it isn't government hand outs at all, it is more akin to recieving stolen goods... Just the way I see it.

 

This is a classic example of the level of her entilement... She got a council house and of course she had no money, so she got a grand, a grant no need to pay back, just free money. To the total of £500... To anyone with any sense this is an amazing amount and would be highly greatful... Not her, of no... What was SHE to do with a poxy £500... I dunno... Just drives me up the wall...

 

So here I sit now, alone, looking at pictures of my beautiful kids and feeling so sorry for them! So angry with myself that I have let them go through this... I don't know what I can do... I'm not sure there is anything, for I have the wrong genatalia. Not that I hate all women btw, but come on now, the system is heavily weighted in your favour...

 

I find out today she has an new house already, for free of course, she'll be getting free money each week, council tax paid, the works... She has agreed for me to have the kids for one week on one week off, whether she sticks to this is another matter... But do I get anything under this 50/50 agreement, ha of course not! I am entitled to 0... I mean I don't want it anyway, I try to do my own thing and get by on my own... It's not easy but I don't want this stolen money. Well I couldn't get any even if I did want it!

 

Isn't life just grand...