exgirlfriend/coworker always wants to discuss relationship

[catattack]

I broke up with my ex about a month ago. We were together for a year and a half. It was a bad break up, due to the time of year and the circumstances under which the break up happened. We still work together at the same office but are no longer friends.

 

Our attempt to be friends was impossible as the way we relate to one another continued to be dysfunctional. She continuously wanted to talk about our previous relationship and I could see was very angry with me. I couldn't handle continuing this situation as the wounds of the break up were too deep and fresh for me to feel okay about being around her.

 

So we are no longer trying to be friends. The work situation has been very tense since then. She continues to want to talk to me about our past relationship so that she can work through it. I experience these talks as her unloading all her frustrations with me on to me which usually leaves me feeling very guilty, and angry. I am having difficulty with getting over this relationship and this is not helping me. She says it is helpful for her to talk about how she is feeling. She expects me to listen and not get mad at her for dumping all her emotions on me.

 

I want her to talk about how she is feeling, but not to me. I have recently told her again that I no longer want to talk about our relationship after yet another talk. She is upset about this and acts like if she can't talk about her feelings about me then she doesn't want to talk to me at all.

 

I am right to think that it isn't good for us to talk about our relationship anymore? I feel like it is okay because I need to get over this and don't need it freshly reopened every week.

 

Is it reasonable for me to think she could be civil with me when I don't want to hear how she is feeling about me?

 

I would love to be friends with her in the future but it feels like she may close off this possibility. Should I maintain a strict no talk about the relationship policy?

[annie24]

eeek. Thank you for reminding me never to date a co-workers!

 

I don't know.... you could have one last "Talk for Closure." It definitely should not be at work! It seems like this is interfering with your work, and that's bad. Just tell her you need her to put her anger aside during 9-5 - it's not professional.

 

I agree with you that continuing to talk about it every week just brings up wounds and doesn't let you heal.

 

If worse comes to worst, can you get a transfer or find a new job? Good luck!

[Mentor]

Yeah, it sounds like she is seeking closure, and for some reason can not find it in your answers. You don't go into the reasons for the breakup in your post. Is there something there that would be difficult for her to accept? I think that you need to have one last talk with her to help her understand why it is not going to work, and help her move on. I suspect that you have tried to have this talk many times, but is there something more that you need to tell her?

 

Try to turn the tables around. Ask her if she was happy with the relationship. Did she feel that the issues between you could be overcome? How realistic? If you can start to get her to question whether the relationship was really a good one it would be easier for her to accept that it should end.

 

Just an idea

 

Good luck![/i]

[keefy1972]

Cat I am coming out of a situation just like that. I am assuming that you were the dumper and she the dumpee. I was also the dumpee because I can relate to her wanting to talk about it all of the time. I did the same exact thing. Come into work and that would be the main topic of discussion between us everyday. All day. It is very draining and makes work so much more unbearable than usual. I loved the girl so much that I put in for a transfer so that it would not make our relationship deteriorate even more because of my constant badgering. I have been transferred for about 5 months now and I still think of her everyday, but there have been periods of two weeks and even three weeks at a time where we didn't discuss the relationship. If transferring offices is not an option, one of you may end up having to get a new job or something. If I couldnt have transferred, I would have definitely gotten another job. I was at a point where I couldn't live my life like that everyday anymore. Hopefully it is not THAT bad for you guys, but if it is...