HELP!! Just wasted a year of my life!!

[Morgybear]

Exactly a year ago I met a really great guy we hit it off instantly. Only problem is that he lived 2,000 miles away. We had a great friendship and he flew out to see me and the romance was great as well. He said he wanted me to be his girlfriend and wanted me to come visit. Well he ended up never making time for either of those. In June I ended up moving 3 hours away from him for my job. I thought I'd get to see him and things would be great. They started out that way and then as time went by I got more and more emotionally exhausted with putting myself out there for this long and not getting any sort of commitment. Every time I brought up being in an actual relationship he said its to soon or not the right time. Then he said he wanted to be and was gonna ask in person but then never made time to see me. He picked fishing trips with the guys over me after i hadnt seen him for over a month. I finally had enough of waiting around and getting my feelings messed with that I snapped and was so angry I caused unnecessary drama which made us go a few steps back. I apologized but your heart can only take so much and I was tired of putting myself out there and not getting anything in return. We had talked everyday for a year and seen each other a fair amount of weekends. I think you should know if you want to date someone after that long. I cant keep putting myself through this I want some one who wants to be with me too. I am lost and dont know what to do. Give up something I put so much time and feeling into or keep waiting around wondering if he'll ever commit. I know he has been hurt before but I have proved for so long that I would never do that to him. HELP!

[Batya33]

Never try to convince someone to be with you or "prove" that you would never do whatever it is to someone -it's a non-starter and has nothing to do with a healthy relationship or growing relationship. It's not wasted time -you've learned from it, right? Sorry that it didn't work out but there is positive stuff here.

[lavenderdove]

What you see is what you get. He's had a year now to make this real, and he's choosing not to. There are some people who prefer fantasy/online romances to actually seeing someone and committing in real life. He has his life arranged to his liking, where he spends his weekends with the boys and has you on the hook for when he's in the mood for a girl now and then, or easy emotional support that's only a phone call away, but where he doesn't actually have to engage in a relationship in real life to take up his time and energy.

 

It doesn't matter how much time or energy you put into something if it isn't paying off. That is counter-intuitive, to keep throwing good money after bad so to speak. It's time to cut your losses and start looking for someone new. This guy was happy with the way it was, a fantasy internet romance with no commitment or obligation to actually see you much. He may already have 3 or 4 other girls in the same situation he has you in that he sees only rarely and divvies his visits among them, and sees no reason to change his life if he is happy with it.

[Man with Dog]

You can tell if he really is going fishing by checking to see if he's posted some pictures of his catches online.

 

You are one fish that will get away and avoid his net. Tell him he needs to use the right tackle the next time he wants to reel in a mermaid.

 

All he deserves to catch is an old trout.

 

Tight lines, ooopss, I mean good luck and don't get caught out like that again.

[DancingFool]

He is not with you because he is just not that into you. Sorry but it really is that simple. Long past due for you to face it and move on.

 

Also, never fool yourself with excuses like he is just broken and hurt and I'll just prove myself to him and heal him. You can't prove anything. No one can. If he was truly into you, he'd have already long dealt with his issues and done whatever it takes to be with you. He is not because what he has with you suits him just fine and he is not looking for more, only you are. The lesson to take away here is that it takes two and if you are the only one wanting, it doesn't work. Next time, move on faster when the other person is not doing what they said. Words are cheap, pay attention to actions and make sure words and actions are matching before you buy into anything.